It's hard to love myself

[Casualfanboy16]

For the longest time, I've been struggling with this aspect of myself, and I'm at a point where I'm tired of it. It's so hard to be kind to myself. To treat myself with love and respect. So much of that 'denial of the self' stuff Christianity often perpetuates has long affected the way I perceive myself. I often think I'm undeserving of love, kindness, or even niceness. I berate myself a lot, even for minor and insignificant things.

 

I guess it also doesn't help either that I haven't had the chance to be around people that support me irl too much. I was supposed to go to a Pride-related event on Friday, but I ended up not going because my Aunt and Uncle who I never see visited over the weekend, so I felt obligated to stay because I'd feel bad. Ended up going to a play later that weekend though and missing when they left tho so like oof.

 

Although, I did text some of the Pride place people and I'm slowly getting a group chat going, so I'm hoping being around more supportive people will give me a more positive outlook on life and an ability to be at least a teensy bit kinder to myself or even help me learn to love myself more. A lot of it still has to come from me though, because I am prone to degrading, being nasty to, or downright hating myself. Hopefully we can plan something soon, but one of them got sick bad, so I have to wait

 

I know I have to do most of the work. I'm not relying entirely on others to do the self-love for me because that's like insane lol. Just thinking like having extra support with people who understand me, or have similar experiences to me, will help me through this.

[AnonSan]

2 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

For the longest time, I've been struggling with this aspect of myself, and I'm at a point where I'm tired of it. It's so hard to be kind to myself. To treat myself with love and respect. So much of that 'denial of the self' stuff Christianity often perpetuates has long affected the way I perceive myself. I often think I'm undeserving of love, kindness, or even niceness. I berate myself a lot, even for minor and insignificant things.

 

I guess it also doesn't help either that I haven't had the chance to be around people that support me irl too much. I was supposed to go to a Pride-related event on Friday, but I ended up not going because my Aunt and Uncle who I never see visited over the weekend, so I felt obligated to stay because I'd feel bad. Ended up going to a play later that weekend though and missing when they left tho so like oof.

 

Although, I did text some of the Pride place people and I'm slowly getting a group chat going, so I'm hoping being around more supportive people will give me a more positive outlook on life and an ability to be at least a teensy bit kinder to myself or even help me learn to love myself more. A lot of it still has to come from me though, because I am prone to degrading, being nasty to, or downright hating myself. Hopefully we can plan something soon, but one of them got sick bad, so I have to wait

 

I know I have to do most of the work. I'm not relying entirely on others to do the self-love for me because that's like insane lol. Just thinking like having extra support with people who understand me, or have similar experiences to me, will help me through this.

 

I definitely relate to the struggles of being kind to myself and being deserving love and respect. We, and many of us here, were conditioned to hate our "fallen nature" that we were expected nothing but to have a toxic co-dependent relationship with Christianity. Breaking this mindset is really tough. This guilt-trip manipulation implemented among church institutions purposefully deprives much physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being to solely benefit their self-serving agendas, which any room for self-care often becomes non-existent. There’s nothing healthy about how it deprives us of the chance to care for ourselves.

 

Despite this, you already have started the process of reaching out to people in real life that the Christian bubble condemns. That initiative is already such a huge step forward, especially in your current living situation! Life is already difficult as is because unexpected shit happens all the time. However, as long as you surround yourself with caring people willing to foster the commitment, patience, and effort in building relationships, then relationships will pay off in the long term and prove themselves that they are friends worth keeping. When things don't go as planned, it's okay to treat yourself and also see this as another, spare opportunity in completing important errands that will benefit in the long term. Life is too short that the last thing you want to do is squandering in misery leads into further setbacks.

 

It's hard to see, even for me, that we must keep moving forward and forgive ourselves of our past. Instead, learn from them and acknowledge such events for what they were and use them as stepping stones for growth. Our past doesn't define who we are, but how we choose to move forward does. Embrace the lessons learned, but don't let past mistakes or pain hold you back from becoming the person you want to be. Healing comes with acceptance, and progress comes with persistence.

 

 

 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

And do remember you are only at the start of this adventure into game land and beyond. It does take time and as TABA says................(you know the rest )

 

You're doing great. You'll catch on. But you're also not alone; I think we all have or will have in some way a self-loathing streak we have to contend with. You'll get there! 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

9 hours ago, AnonSan said:

Our past doesn't define who we are, but how we choose to move forward does.

 

Excelent statement!

 

HANG IN THERE CASUAL!!

[older]

10 hours ago, AnonSan said:

This guilt-trip manipulation implemented among church institutions purposefully deprives much physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being to solely benefit their self-serving agendas,

 

This ^  ^  ^

[Casualfanboy16]

On 9/16/2024 at 11:59 AM, AnonSan said:

 

I definitely relate to the struggles of being kind to myself and being deserving love and respect. We, and many of us here, were conditioned to hate our "fallen nature" that we were expected nothing but to have a toxic co-dependent relationship with Christianity. Breaking this mindset is really tough. This guilt-trip manipulation implemented among church institutions purposefully deprives much physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being to solely benefit their self-serving agendas, which any room for self-care often becomes non-existent. There’s nothing healthy about how it deprives us of the chance to care for ourselves.

 

Despite this, you already have started the process of reaching out to people in real life that the Christian bubble condemns. That initiative is already such a huge step forward, especially in your current living situation! Life is already difficult as is because unexpected shit happens all the time. However, as long as you surround yourself with caring people willing to foster the commitment, patience, and effort in building relationships, then relationships will pay off in the long term and prove themselves that they are friends worth keeping. When things don't go as planned, it's okay to treat yourself and also see this as another, spare opportunity in completing important errands that will benefit in the long term. Life is too short that the last thing you want to do is squandering in misery leads into further setbacks.

 

It's hard to see, even for me, that we must keep moving forward and forgive ourselves of our past. Instead, learn from them and acknowledge such events for what they were and use them as stepping stones for growth. Our past doesn't define who we are, but how we choose to move forward does. Embrace the lessons learned, but don't let past mistakes or pain hold you back from becoming the person you want to be. Healing comes with acceptance, and progress comes with persistence.

 

 

 

Wow! Those were some encouraging words! Thank you!!

 

On the bright side, at least I'm attempting to reach out, which right now is like in the planning stage because someone in the group we're all forming is down with the sickness. It's coming along though. Also the DND thing coming up at the end of the month has me excited. Still gotta fill out the rest of my character sheet because I've been slacking a bit lol.

 

I especially appreciate that last part, because I'm a person who heavily latches onto any (perceived) failure and, regardless if it's minor or major, carries it with them as a constant reminder of their shortcomings. I honestly don't know what my brain's trying to achieve here cuz like... if I don't make mistakes and am perfect all the time, I feel like I won't be human lol.

 

It's a lot easier said than done to change a mindset though, which is obvious, but still lol. I was making grilled cheese yesterday and accidentally dropped it and instead of being kind to myself my first instinct was to berate myself. My Mom even said I'm so hard on myself all the time. Not the first time she said that either. I have years of things to unlearn. I think the last time I felt content and not a crazy perfectionist was elementary school lmaoooooooo (okay but seriously that is a problem). Needless to say, I have a decent amount of inner work to do haha.

[Casualfanboy16]

On 9/16/2024 at 6:32 PM, moxieflux66 said:

And do remember you are only at the start of this adventure into game land and beyond. It does take time and as TABA says................(you know the rest )

 

You're doing great. You'll catch on. But you're also not alone; I think we all have or will have in some way a self-loathing streak we have to contend with. You'll get there! 

 

22 hours ago, Weezer said:

 

Excelent statement!

 

HANG IN THERE CASUAL!!

 

22 hours ago, older said:

 

This ^  ^  ^

Thanks, everyone else too! I'm hoping to one day be kinder with myself. Any advice on not being a total asshole to, and in a constant fight with myself would be greatly appreciated! I am not very good at it and need to put it into practice because I am very harsh towards myself and this self-loathing, self-destructive attitude is really awful to have.

[older]

23 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Any advice on not being a total asshole

Keep in mind that there is a difference between politely but firmly standing up for one's rights vs. being rude, argumentative, mean or abusive. And if someone objects to the former, the problem is not yours, but theirs.

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Imagine you are your own best friend. What would you do for your friend? How would you feel? What would you say? It doesn't hurt to practice on yourself. Give it a try, kid! 

[Casualfanboy16]

52 minutes ago, older said:

Keep in mind that there is a difference between politely but firmly standing up for one's rights vs. being rude, argumentative, mean or abusive. And if someone objects to the former, the problem is not yours, but theirs.

I meant how do I stop being a total asshole to myself not others, probably should've phrased that better, but advice appreciated regardless!!

[Casualfanboy16]

36 minutes ago, moxieflux66 said:

Imagine you are your own best friend. What would you do for your friend? How would you feel? What would you say? It doesn't hurt to practice on yourself. Give it a try, kid! 

Yeah I definitely gotta work on that. I'll attempt to do it. It's kinda hard to do for long because I tend to fall back into bad habits/self-talk pretty easily, but I will try.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

And if none of the above suggestions work,  be an asshole to yourself, and kick yourself in the butt for being an asshole to yourself!!     (just kidding)

[Casualfanboy16]

10 hours ago, Weezer said:

And if none of the above suggestions work,  be an asshole to yourself, and kick yourself in the butt for being an asshole to yourself!!     (just kidding)

The fact that I do that also lmao (it's not good, I know)

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

2 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

The fact that I do that also lmao (it's not good, I know)

See? We're all in YOUR walls too!