(Rant) Parents are Still Overprotective/Paranoid

[Casualfanboy16]

To preface this: I have not caved into their demands. I'm trying my hardest to not engage too much, because at this point, I'm tired to respond anymore.

 

Before I went out today, my Mom was expressing her concerns about me meeting up with a DND group today, saying things like "Did you know that the highest group to get sex-trafficked is hOmosExUaL men" and other such warnings about the dangers of sex-trafficking.

 

I understand her concerns, because she heard from somewhere that the area I'm going to has problems with that lately. I'm unsure of how true this is, or where she got this from, but she's been incredibly worried about me going and at this point I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I didn't say anything actually. My Mom kept calling me naive and I was just kinda done with it, I guess. I'm not disregarding her concerns, but these attempts to warn me of danger comes off as weird to me, especially after she attempted to get me to install Life360 again. Didn't work though. I think I did alright with dealing with it, and I'm still gonna go regardless. I'm just tired of being called naive all the time like I'm unaware of the dangers.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Have you done a Google search of sex trafficing of men??  I may be naive, but have not heard of that.  Perhaps you can ask someone at the meeiing today.  HANG IN THERE!

[AnonSan]

2 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

To preface this: I have not caved into their demands. I'm trying my hardest to not engage too much, because at this point, I'm tired to respond anymore.

 

Before I went out today, my Mom was expressing her concerns about me meeting up with a DND group today, saying things like "Did you know that the highest group to get sex-trafficked is hOmosExUaL men" and other such warnings about the dangers of sex-trafficking.

 

I understand her concerns, because she heard from somewhere that the area I'm going to has problems with that lately. I'm unsure of how true this is, or where she got this from, but she's been incredibly worried about me going and at this point I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I didn't say anything actually. My Mom kept calling me naive and I was just kinda done with it, I guess. I'm not disregarding her concerns, but these attempts to warn me of danger comes off as weird to me, especially after she attempted to get me to install Life360 again. Didn't work though. I think I did alright with dealing with it, and I'm still gonna go regardless. I'm just tired of being called naive all the time like I'm unaware of the dangers.

 

Of course! The wizards, goblins, and dragons will magically kidnap you into their dungeons and the only way out of it is to beat the game with other victims who also got magically sucked into their enchanted world   

 

But on a serious note, human trafficking is serious, though prevalent cases usually occur in high metropolitan cities with hotels, nightclubs, and other area with high tourist traffic...

 

While your mother's concerns are valid, however, her off-handed assumption towards meetups for gaming is presumptuous when such gatherings and shops have served as safe spaces for many people/gamers for decades. This is just another passive aggressive tactic of your mom discouraging you to mingle outside of the Xtian bubble IMO. I would not be surprised if the double standard of staying late between hanging out secular friends vs. church friends exists in your parents' realm, as it is one of the more common scenarios in which Xtian households try to limit themselves from "worldly temptations and influence." 

[Casualfanboy16]

30 minutes ago, Weezer said:

Have you done a Google search of sex trafficing of men??  I may be naive, but have not heard of that.  Perhaps you can ask someone at the meeiing today.  HANG IN THERE!

yeah I checked like immediately after she left. I couldn't get much info because I've been working, but from the very brief search I did, it was mostly LGBT youth, Native Americans, people with disabilities, etc.

 

https://cops.usdoj.gov/html/dispatch/04-2024/human_trafficking.html

 

I'm probably not gonna mention anything about sex trafficking at the D&D thing. I don't know how socially awkward that would be to bring up. I'm hanging in there. Just mentally preparing how to deal with my Dad when I get home from work.

 

I'm gonna go regardless. I don't know where or when my Mom heard this information, and I get her concerns, but I'm just kinda tired of the fear tactics. I understand it's a problem, but they think I don't understand. They think I'm unaware of the danger and it's honestly annoying to me.

 

My Mom and Mimi (my Mom's Mom; grandma) yesterday even tried to ask who I would vote for come election time. That's a separate issue, but like I just switched the subject. Like, I wish they would mind their own business.

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, AnonSan said:

But on a serious note, human trafficking is serious, though prevalent cases usually occur in high metropolitan cities with hotels, nightclubs, and other area with high tourist traffic...

 

While your mother's concerns are valid, however, her off-handed assumption towards meetups for gaming is presumptuous when such gatherings and shops have served as safe spaces for many people/gamers for decades. This is just another passive aggressive tactic of your mom discouraging you to mingle outside of the Xtian bubble IMO. I would not be surprised if the double standard of staying late between hanging out secular friends vs. church friends exists in your parents' realm, as it is one of the more common scenarios in which Xtian households try to limit themselves from "worldly temptations and influence." 

I agree with this. Her concerns are valid, but the fact she only brought this up like recently just feels off to me. She probably learned of it recently, I still don't know where, but I feel like if I were meeting up for a Christian youth group or something she wouldn't have this same reaction. Sex trafficking isn't limited to spaces outside the church, Mom.

 

I still find it rather manipulative, regardless of how totally valid her concerns are. While it's natural for a parent to worry about their child, I think my parents' worries have become exacerbated by the fact I didn't turn out to be who they thought I would become, and this is just another last ditch effort to make me paranoid enough to come crawling back. I don't expect what they're doing to stop, and I'm wondering how I'm gonna handle my Dad once I head home. I'm not backing down I've been looking forward to this for months. I also have a lunch with some of the people from the LGBT hangout place to look forward to this weekend, so I have yet another fun challenge ahead of me hahaaaaaa.

 

Hopefully she also doesn't know or find about the (apparent) overlap between DND and LGBT people. I've heard there's a high LGBT playerbase, but I'm unsure if that's based in anything.  We'll see loooool.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I wonder if dear ol' mom is perhaps projecting some of her own naïveté and insecurity onto you.

[Casualfanboy16]

20 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I wonder if dear ol' mom is perhaps projecting some of her own naïveté and insecurity onto you.

You know what... that could be possible. Haven't thought about that.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

5 hours ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I wonder if dear ol' mom is perhaps projecting some of her own naïveté and insecurity onto you.

 

Or like my mother, thinking of some of her own escapades in her youth that were "worldly", but hidden until after she died and we found evidence in some paperwork.  And some things about my father came out when I ran across some old childhood friends of his.   Neither were saints in their youth.  Like AnonSan said, there are often double standards, and they are afraid their kids might do the same.  Perhaps she is trying to scare you straight!!

 

[Casualfanboy16]

10 hours ago, Weezer said:

Like AnonSan said, there are often double standards, and they are afraid their kids might do the same.  Perhaps she is trying to scare you straight!!

Yeah. Literally lol. I don't know what she thinks is gonna happen. I get that getting kidnapped and sex trafficked is a very real thing that happens, but the way she's going about it by trying to do this close to events with a more 'secular vibe' just feels off. I don't like how it feels that she still is wanting me to hang with only Christian friends (as we all know, Christians are the best option like no other one. Everyone else bad...... lol). 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

58 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I don't like how it feels that she still is wanting me to hang with only Christian friends (as we all know, Christians are the best option like no other one. Everyone else bad...... lol). 

She's just going to have to get used to it. Be persistent and show her there's no boogie men (or women, or whatever she's imagining) and over time she'll calm down. Maybe give up. 

 

I think of Anonsan as an example. Over time and the changed circumstance, like her parents, they tend to give up a little more all the time. Maybe it's more of a realization that all those damn prayers for your return to the fold are falling on (god's) deaf ears. 

 

[pantheory]

On 9/4/2024 at 5:48 AM, Casualfanboy16 said:

To preface this: I have not caved into their demands. I'm trying my hardest to not engage too much, because at this point, I'm tired to respond anymore.

 

Before I went out today, my Mom was expressing her concerns about me meeting up with a DND group today, saying things like "Did you know that the highest group to get sex-trafficked is hOmosExUaL men" and other such warnings about the dangers of sex-trafficking.

 

I understand her concerns, because she heard from somewhere that the area I'm going to has problems with that lately. I'm unsure of how true this is, or where she got this from, but she's been incredibly worried about me going and at this point I just don't know what to do or say anymore. I didn't say anything actually. My Mom kept calling me naive and I was just kinda done with it, I guess. I'm not disregarding her concerns, but these attempts to warn me of danger comes off as weird to me, especially after she attempted to get me to install Life360 again. Didn't work though. I think I did alright with dealing with it, and I'm still gonna go regardless. I'm just tired of being called naive all the time like I'm unaware of the dangers.

 

Moms are always protective of their kids, even as adults. I think you're playing it correctly, acknowledge her love and concern, beware of danger which is always lurking, but as an adult do what you must. Cheers

[Dsred19]

11 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Yeah. Literally lol. I don't know what she thinks is gonna happen. I get that getting kidnapped and sex trafficked is a very real thing that happens, but the way she's going about it by trying to do this close to events with a more 'secular vibe' just feels off. I don't like how it feels that she still is wanting me to hang with only Christian friends (as we all know, Christians are the best option like no other one. Everyone else bad...... lol). 

It’s not like Christian pastors and priests have ever been caught in sexual indiscretions with youth, right????

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

4 minutes ago, Dsred19 said:

It’s not like Christian pastors and priests have ever been caught in sexual indiscretions with youth, right????

 

Amirite??? 

[Casualfanboy16]

13 minutes ago, Dsred19 said:

It’s not like Christian pastors and priests have ever been caught in sexual indiscretions with youth, right????

Yeah exactly!! Have you seen all the memes about Catholic priests??? Lol.

[jedi]

My reply would be:

 

Mom your generation was worse! 

 

Dad told me the story!

 

lol 

 

[jedi]

Definitely sounds like she's projecting. When I had to deal with stuff like this I was constantly focusing on my breathing and listening to my headphones. Just keep writing here or in a journal. 

 

But wow its bringing me back to my childhood when I had to stop communicating with friends or girls because "they had a dark spirit". Hope you had some fun with your friends. You dealt with the situation much better than I would. 

 

 

On 9/4/2024 at 2:45 PM, TheRedneckProfessor said:

I wonder if dear ol' mom is perhaps projecting some of her own naïveté and insecurity onto you.

 

[Casualfanboy16]

8 hours ago, jedi said:

Definitely sounds like she's projecting. When I had to deal with stuff like this I was constantly focusing on my breathing and listening to my headphones. Just keep writing here or in a journal. 

Honestly I need to be more consistent with writing in a journal. I keep forgetting that mine exists

 

8 hours ago, jedi said:

But wow its bringing me back to my childhood when I had to stop communicating with friends or girls because "they had a dark spirit". Hope you had some fun with your friends. You dealt with the situation much better than I would.

My Mom would do something similar. She would blame one of my friends for "influencing me" to act this way, and literally forbid me from hanging out with her unless my other friend was there. She was literally disappointed because when I first came out to her she got irritated that I told other people before them, and she was also upset that my two friends I first came out to accepted me. Kinda weird, but that was a while ago.

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

3 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Honestly I need to be more consistent with writing in a journal. I keep forgetting that mine exists

 

Maybe you can record an audio file on your cell phone when you suddenly have ideas for creative writing? Or any other form of creation you think of. Sometimes ideas or feelings disappear when you don't give them enough attention. 

 

And don't forget to smile a lot! 

[AnonSan]

On 9/5/2024 at 6:47 AM, moxieflux66 said:

She's just going to have to get used to it. Be persistent and show her there's no boogie men (or women, or whatever she's imagining) and over time she'll calm down. Maybe give up. 

 

I think of Anonsan as an example. Over time and the changed circumstance, like her parents, they tend to give up a little more all the time. Maybe it's more of a realization that all those damn prayers for your return to the fold are falling on (god's) deaf ears. 

 

 

My early 20s and part of my mid-20s dealt with lot of growing pains as I worked to establish autonomy and distance myself from the version of me my parents envisioned in their 'perfect' Christian life. Over the past decade, they’ve gradually eased off some of their Christian, but that process almost exhausted my emotional health, as I had to fight for my sense of self-worth and relationship with my husband. There is some hope that one day my parents will genuinely take accountability for their actions, without hiding behind their prayers or my older sibling to serve as their 'unofficial' spokesperson in justifying their ignorance. At the same time, however, have already accepted the fact that this won't happen anytime soon or never at all. 

 

@Casualfanboy16: Familial conflicts are very common in early-mid 20s which you will experience a lot of highs and lows, so you're definitely not alone in this. Don't expect much from anyone and just mentally turn off/mute their BS noise like television, when needed at this point.  Keep focusing on your health and shake off the criticisms from your parents that were meant to 'psych' you out. 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

11 hours ago, jedi said:

When I had to deal with stuff like this I was constantly focusing on my breathing and listening to my headphones.

Precisely! 

 

4 minutes ago, AnonSan said:

mentally turn off/mute their BS noise like television, when needed at this point.  Keep focusing on your health and shake off the criticisms from your parents that were meant to 'psych' you out. 

Exactly! 

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, moxieflux66 said:

 

Maybe you can record an audio file on your cell phone when you suddenly have ideas for creative writing? Or any other form of creation you think of. Sometimes ideas or feelings disappear when you don't give them enough attention. 

 

And don't forget to smile a lot! 

Yeah I suppose I could do that!

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, AnonSan said:

@Casualfanboy16: Familial conflicts are very common in early-mid 20s which you will experience a lot of highs and lows, so you're definitely not alone in this. Don't expect much from anyone and just mentally turn off/mute their BS noise like television, when needed at this point.  Keep focusing on your health and shake off the criticisms from your parents that were meant to 'psych' you out.

Yeah at this point I don't really even bother to argue back because I know it's gonna just cause more problems. At least I'm getting wiser in that respect lol. I just stand/sit there not saying much or anything at all and let it pass. All the passive-aggressive comments and stuff, and the whole attitude that finding others that would support my sexuality, whether it be online or irl, being treated as bad by them  is just exhausting to confront anymore. I just don't have the mental energy to even think about engaging with it because if I do, it usually backfires.

[older]

8 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I just stand/sit there not saying much or anything at all and let it pass.

Great tactic. My sister says, "Just smile and nod." Eventually, as they don't get any feedback, they will give up.