Is it normal to feel this way?

[Casualfanboy16]

Okay, to preface this, I just want to say... I'm not suicidal, but this train of thought I've been having for a long time is rather morbid, so I just need to get it out of my system. I've been having thoughts a lot about death and dying for a while. but not in the sense like "I want to die" but moreso a morbid curiosity about death and if anything does come after it (I don't believe in an afterlife, but the concept of life after death interests me, especially how other religions view it). 

 

This next part is where I start to get a little concerned with where my thoughts are going because I tend to be incredibly pessimistic/fatalistic in my thought processes, which isn't a trait I'd personally like to have. Anyway, my parents keep discussing how we might live to see a potential WW3 of sorts because of all the stuff going on, and tbh... it makes me sick. Physically, and mentally. I know it's all a hypothetical scenario built around fear, but with the way some things are going, sometimes I fear the worst and these hypothetical scenarios feel like they could become reality any day now. I feel sick at the idea that I would either go to war, or have to survive in that kind of scenario. I keep getting rather terrible thoughts about offing myself in the situation that we would go to war someday. I don't feel suicidal at all, but these thoughts concern me. I personally don't dream of killing myself, but I cannot go to war. I cannot, in good conscience, kill another person for any reason. If I had to defend my house from an intruder, I would sooner knock them out than kill in self defense. I would sooner take myself out than live through that. Especially if I get PTSD from the horrors of war because then I probably would wish I died.

 

I sometimes scare myself with where my head goes. Again, I reiterate, I am in no way suicidal, but indulging in hypothetical scenarios like this and thinking death is more preferable than going to war and such is probably not a healthy state of mind to be in. You'd think with the fact that I don't necessarily believe in the concept of an afterlife, I would cling to life more, but I'm not really??? Like, death doesn't really bother me. Dying doesn't bother me. It's moreso the circumstances surrounding my death. Preferably, I would rather die to natural causes and have it be painless. It can be the slow fade of life leaving my body, or instant death.

 

So yeah that's pretty much it. Just getting my ugly train of thought out because it's annoying to have such a rather violent and horrific(???) thought process. 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

13 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

So yeah that's pretty much it. Just getting my ugly train of thought out because it's annoying to have such a rather violent and horrific(???) thought process. 

You sound a little more than annoyed, kiddo. I am sorry your folks keep bringing it up but xtians in general have been talking doom, gloom and the end of the world since the cult first began (it was one of many doomsday cults of the time). Is that why it's so attractive? They want to sell you something that sounds better than this world! And those thoughts they hammer into you about it would of course help you keep dwelling on it unnecessarily. 

 

I think my sister has predicted the world's end 4 times throughout my life. But guess what? WE'RE STILL HERE! 

 

Hang in there Casual. Once again, this too shall pass. 

[Casualfanboy16]

54 minutes ago, moxieflux66 said:

You sound a little more than annoyed, kiddo. I am sorry your folks keep bringing it up but xtians in general have been talking doom, gloom and the end of the world since the cult first began (it was one of many doomsday cults of the time). Is that why it's so attractive? They want to sell you something that sounds better than this world! And those thoughts they hammer into you about it would of course help you keep dwelling on it unnecessarily. 

 

I think my sister has predicted the world's end 4 times throughout my life. But guess what? WE'RE STILL HERE! 

 

Hang in there Casual. Once again, this too shall pass. 

Yeah. I will try. I'm just tired of the whole "China and Russia will invade the US and kill us all" and the "Vote for Trump because otherwise the nation will be destroyed" type shit I keep hearing. I'm so tired of being incredibly hopeless and pessimistic all the time. I'm trying not to worry too much, but I can't take it.

 

I also hate the fact that- while I'm trying not to worry about voting/politics right now and instead prioritizing getting out of my house first- I also hate the fact that vote for x person in this shitty two-party system where the options are equally terrible. I also get very upset because my existence is made a political issue, and therefore I can't in good conscience vote Republican/Conservative because they tend to be anti-lgbt, and have certain things I don't agree with fully. But I can't fully agree with the opposite side either. I hate the fact I essentially have to choose between the lesser of two evils.

 

I know third parties exist, but it's like urgggh most people would probably go for the major ones anyway. My parents are very Conservative and are convinced anything left-leaning will end with the destruction of America. I shouldn't worry about it and prioritize moving out above all else, but it's in my head and I must get it out or I will dwell on unnecessary bullshit for a long time lol.

 

Probably went on a tangent there, but being stuck in a hotel room on vacation with my family, especially my Dad who watches Fox News covering the same shit over and over every chance he gets, is driving me insane and making me think doom and gloom thoughts.

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

26 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Probably went on a tangent there, but being stuck in a hotel room on vacation with my family, especially my Dad who watches Fox News covering the same shit over and over every chance he gets, is driving me insane and making me think doom and gloom thoughts.

Well hell, that explains a lot! 

 

I'd be gettin' out my noise cancelling headphones...

[Casualfanboy16]

7 hours ago, moxieflux66 said:

Well hell, that explains a lot! 

 

I'd be gettin' out my noise cancelling headphones...

He literally turned it on just now as soon as he woke up... I don't think that's healthy, but that won't stop him. He doesn't watch much else besides Fox News. I don't know how one person can watch it as much as he does, but it's like the same few stories over and over but under different formats. Not to mention how much it seques into topics one after the other. It's hard to keep up.

 

I think it also doesn't help that even when he's doing something else, he keeps it playing and my family doesn't do anything about it because they're so used to it and agree with a lot of what they talk about anyway. At least when I'm at home I can leave the room, but currently don't have that luxury, nor do I have noise cancelling headphones at all. So it's a little extra anxiety inducing being unable to take any sort of break from it when in the hotel room.

[AnonSan]

2 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

He literally turned it on just now as soon as he woke up... I don't think that's healthy, but that won't stop him. He doesn't watch much else besides Fox News. I don't know how one person can watch it as much as he does, but it's like the same few stories over and over but under different formats. Not to mention how much it seques into topics one after the other. It's hard to keep up.

 

I think it also doesn't help that even when he's doing something else, he keeps it playing and my family doesn't do anything about it because they're so used to it and agree with a lot of what they talk about anyway. At least when I'm at home I can leave the room, but currently don't have that luxury, nor do I have noise cancelling headphones at all. So it's a little extra anxiety inducing being unable to take any sort of break from it when in the hotel room.

 

Your family and my family has one thing in common: Christianity being ingrained into their lifestyle to the point that's all they consume during their downtime- even on vacation!

 

My family doesn't dabble with politically affiliated news channels in the states. Instead, my parents would listen to sermons from semiannual conferences or hymnals from their church org in the car... each around 2.5 hours long per CD so I would be listening 2 in the car against my will during interstate travel. Even at the hotel room they bring their Bible study material which was the first thing my dad does when he wakes up around 6AM. Worse, depending on the circumstances and situation given, I was dragged in attending any church affiliated branch in the town we were visiting when it falls on a Sunday. Because of this, I been to their branches and other associated meetups in San Jose, San Diego, Anaheim (no Disneyland on that trip! ), Boston, Portland (OR), Santa Barbara, Pittsburgh, a town in Maryland, Vancouver (WA), and Taipei- twice in different neighborhoods of the city. When I was in Boston for my cousin's wedding, my mom took opportunity to lecture me and my sibling in converting our partners once we marry them (Barf! ). Mental disassociation boot camp material for sure!

 

Despite the annoyance, let this inconvenience be a good motivator in moving out and planning your independence. No more being exposed to shitty media against your will and plan your own vacations the way you want them to!

 

 

 

 

[Casualfanboy16]

13 minutes ago, AnonSan said:

 

Your family and my family has one thing in common: Christianity being ingrained into their lifestyle to the point that's all they consume during their downtime- even on vacation!

 

My family doesn't dabble with politically affiliated news channels in the states. Instead, my parents would listen to sermons from semiannual conferences or hymnals from their church org in the car... each around 2.5 hours long per CD so I would be listening 2 in the car against my will during interstate travel. Even at the hotel room they bring their Bible study material which was the first thing my dad does when he wakes up around 6AM. Worse, depending on the circumstances and situation given, I was dragged in attending any church affiliated branch in the town we were visiting when it falls on a Sunday. Because of this, I been to their branches and other associated meetups in San Jose, San Diego, Anaheim (no Disneyland on that trip! ), Boston, Portland (OR), Santa Barbara, Pittsburgh, a town in Maryland, Vancouver (WA), and Taipei- twice in different neighborhoods of the city. When I was in Boston for my cousin's wedding, my mom took opportunity to lecture me and my sibling in converting our partners once we marry them (Barf! ). Mental disassociation boot camp material for sure!

 

Despite the annoyance, let this inconvenience be a good motivator in moving out and planning your independence. No more being exposed to shitty media against your will and plan your own vacations the way you want them to!

 

 

 

 

Wow! That all sounds very awful. My parents aren't entirely like that, they thankfully listen to other things besides Christianity and right-wing news, but my Dad in particular has an unhealthy diet of Fox News to the point he'll watch nothing else when the TV is on. He watches 80s rock bands and such on occasion, but nothing seems to keep him away from his daily dose of Fox News.

 

I think too that the news contributes to his overall negative attitude. I hate to say that I'm pretty similar to him. Very pessimistic, very hopeless when looking at the state of the world. My greatest fear is that I would turn into him. He's not a bad person or anything, but he's overly pessimistic, can get frustrated easily, gets easily consumed by the bad things in the world, etc, etc. I notice a lot of him in myself, especially after typing all of that post up.

 

I know I can't rid the world of all its problems, but I hate being consumed by pessimism and an almost nihilistic and fatalistic attitude. I definitely am motivated to move out because maybe I'll improve a lot more mentally. I desperately do not want to become like my Father. I love him, I love both my parents, but I can't become like them. It's too much.

[AnonSan]

1 hour ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I think too that the news contributes to his overall negative attitude. I hate to say that I'm pretty similar to him. Very pessimistic, very hopeless when looking at the state of the world. My greatest fear is that I would turn into him. He's not a bad person or anything, but he's overly pessimistic, can get frustrated easily, gets easily consumed by the bad things in the world, etc, etc. I notice a lot of him in myself, especially after typing all of that post up.

 

Definitely the news contributes to overall negativity and pessimism. It's been like that for a long time, but the election of 2016 really set the polarization and sensationalism in all sorts of media. Unfortunately, the current media enables very conflicting (extremist) point of views that you are either all-in or all-out hive-mind mentality. As former Christians, we have been surrounded such negative, "us vs. them" upbringing that it is no surprise that we both see the glass half empty. This doesn't make us bad people but rather gotten too used to being surrounded by "doom and gloom" that we cannot help think that way during our low points. However, by removing ourselves from the unhealthy environments does help immensely which will take time as long as we do our own inner work and seek SECULAR support elsewhere.

 

The sad reality about this, is that most Christians I know of, cannot fathom deviating from their lifestyle and rich experiences outside the church walls. Main reasons being out of fear and cannot bear the sunk cost fallacy burden if they were to leave Christian hive after spending decades funding that religious lifestyle. They ultimately pigeonholed themselves into a narrow mindset in response to progressive changes in society and whatever else they do not understand. Instead of adapting to such changes, to them, it is easier to be on the defense and remain ignorant because as humans, by default, are creatures of habit. Letting go and changing new habits takes a lot of work and malleable (mental) energy, so it is no surprise many refuse to do so. As a result, they get sucked into wanting to be victims to preserve their narrative by allowing Christianity propaganda distilling unhealthy complacency and mindset to exempt themselves building healthy character development for the good of society's well-being. Hearing conservatives and devout Christians lamenting "We need to go back to the good ol' days!" or "wishing back to the way things were" illustrates their mental state being stuck and why they behave they way they do. 

[older]

A couple of thoughts: 

 

First, AnonSan mentions the "good old days," as a Christian lament. But what the Christians have is selective memory. There was plenty of bad shit in those old days. The suckage we suffer today is no more worse than the suckage we had back in the alleged better times. They just choose not to remember the bad shit. (And if anyone wants a list of the good-old-days bad shit, I'll gladly provide one.)

 

Second, as AnonSan alludes, Christianity is an extremely negative religion in spite of their claims otherwise. They are obsessed with death, their major symbol is of death, and the world's major Christian cult includes dropping to their knees to worship a dead body hanging on two pieces of wood while they practice ritualistic cannibalism. Christians spend much of their time talking about death and what you need to do before you die and will happen after your body has fed the maggots. How uplifting.

 

Third, it is easy to get into what had been called "doom scrolling." I found myself in that trap during the Covid lockdown, and what I did was to just shut off the news. I found some vanilla novels to read and didn't look at any news, even from sources I like, for some months. It helped to reduce the negative thoughts. I've learned that I don't have to read or watch all of it and I'm more selective now in what I chose to ingest.

[Casualfanboy16]

2 hours ago, older said:

A couple of thoughts: 

 

First, AnonSan mentions the "good old days," as a Christian lament. But what the Christians have is selective memory. There was plenty of bad shit in those old days. The suckage we suffer today is no more worse than the suckage we had back in the alleged better times. They just choose not to remember the bad shit. (And if anyone wants a list of the good-old-days bad shit, I'll gladly provide one.)

Yeah, I do agree with the whole "selective memory" thing, but I think in part too that nostalgia for the "good ol' days" does play some part into it. A little bit of nostalgia is fine and all, but I think overindulgence in nostalgia eventually leads to looking through the past with rose-tinted glasses. It reminds  me of the time one of my friends sent me a quote from somewhere that said "It's all fun and milkshakes until someone gets lobotomized" lmaooooo.

 

And yes, make a list! I wanna see!!

 

2 hours ago, older said:

Second, as AnonSan alludes, Christianity is an extremely negative religion in spite of their claims otherwise. They are obsessed with death, their major symbol is of death, and the world's major Christian cult includes dropping to their knees to worship a dead body hanging on two pieces of wood while they practice ritualistic cannibalism. Christians spend much of their time talking about death and what you need to do before you die and will happen after your body has fed the maggots. How uplifting.

Yeahhhhh. That probably explains a whole lot about my weird thoughts and kind of obsession surrounding death thing. Part of my Christian programming. Gonna have to stop that somehow. If you got any tips, please help  

 

2 hours ago, older said:

Third, it is easy to get into what had been called "doom scrolling." I found myself in that trap during the Covid lockdown, and what I did was to just shut off the news. I found some vanilla novels to read and didn't look at any news, even from sources I like, for some months. It helped to reduce the negative thoughts. I've learned that I don't have to read or watch all of it and I'm more selective now in what I chose to ingest.

Yeahhhhh. I do fall into that sometimes, especially because I do feel the need to stay informed on things. I'm a lot like my Dad in that respect. "I need to stay informed" he says, after his family tells him to watch anything else besides Fox News for hours. It's like doomscrolling, but on TV. Doomwatching??

 

But yeah, I think part of it too is negativity gets the views and the clicks. It's easy to obsess over the negative things in life. I should know. I'm prone to that shit. It's not fun. I also feel the need to want to know everything about everything, which is impossible, but sometimes I get caught up looking into things that are often distressing to "stay informed". It's an unhealthy, vicious cycle. It also doesn't help that I'm prone to stress a lot. I can't take too much news and stuff like that before I go batshit insane. I have to microdose on it or else I obsessively consume the negativity.

 

I don't really like watching the news, but at least with reading it I can keep up. I think news in general is like the adult version of Cocomelon because it's information overload and some people are so consumed by it they can no longer think for themselves (Fox News is especially that because it segues into topics with like immediate transition, but I can't really speak for others because I don't really see anything else in this house haha).

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Don't stay in the hotel room all the time.  Take walks.  get a coke(?) in the resturant.  Talk to people in the lobby or resturant.  Or just go there, sit and play with your phone.  Surf the videos on Facebook.  Read ebooks on your phone.  Find a place outside to just sit and watch nature.  Look at the stars at night.  GET CREATIVE.  If your family wants to know why you don't stay in the room, tell them you are just not in the mood for watching TV.  Or talking about doom and gloom.  You just want to enjoy the nature while you are there. Ect. You can do it in a respective way.

 

I read an article years ago that said 98% of the things people worry about never come to be.  Download the Serenity Prayer on your phone and read it when you start worrying obsessively.  

[Casualfanboy16]

53 minutes ago, Weezer said:

Don't stay in the hotel room all the time.  Take walks.  get a coke(?) in the resturant.  Talk to people in the lobby or resturant.  Or just go there, sit and play with your phone.  Surf the videos on Facebook.  Read ebooks on your phone.  Find a place outside to just sit and watch nature.  Look at the stars at night.  GET CREATIVE.  If your family wants to know why you don't stay in the room, tell them you are just not in the mood for watching TV.  Or talking about doom and gloom.  You just want to enjoy the nature while you are there. Ect. You can do it in a respective way.

 

I read an article years ago that said 98% of the things people worry about never come to be.  Download the Serenity Prayer on your phone and read it when you start worrying obsessively.  

Yeah about that... I'm home now!! It was my last day on vacation. I am freeeeeeeeeeeee!!! (not really)!!!!!! Unfortunately I'm not adjusted to the time change, so I'm up a little late haha. Going from being behind two hours to ahead two hours is crazy. It's almost 1 AM and I don't feel 100% tired yet.

 

Of course, my Dad had to get some news in before he went to bed. We got home, took our luggage in, and my Dad went right to Fox the last time I saw him. But now I can just walk away no problem. I usually just messed around on my phone whenever I was in the hotel room, which helped a bit. But then they all kept bringing up Fox News this and that in the car. Can't exactly escape a moving vehicle, especially with some of those roads being above steep drops down rocky cliffs because there were no guard rails lmaooooo.

 

The vacation was so fun though. I have to admit, I kinda enjoyed the Grand Tetons a bit more than Yellowstone, but I probably would've been able to enjoy it more provided that we didn't get cut a day because of that whole global outage thing. I didn't want to go back home lol. The mountains were nothing like Pennsylvania as far as I know. We even got to see buffalo crossing the road!! The wildlife did seem a little less abundant than I initially expected, but that was probably due to the hot temperatures.

 

Overall, 9.5 out of 10 vacation. 0.5 got taken out only because of Fox News doomwatching and all that jazz, but I got to see so much cool stuff. I'd send more pics if I were able. 

 

Also we weren't really in the hotel room all that often. We were out pretty much the entire day, but when we'd wake up or return back to the hotel later in the evening, that's when it got irritating. The only break from Fox News I got in the hotel room was when my Mom and sister had enough and just turned it to the Cosby Show instead; or when I was on my phone just browsing and stuff.

 

Speaking of browsing... I looked into Illinois (with a bit of help from @AnonSan, because she talked a lot about this one area called Carbondale there) and I found some interesting stuff, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow. I am a getting tired while typing this lol.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

When I was deconverting, I was a Fox News devotee and had been conservative for years. I had been a "radical" Christian, blocking doors at abortion clinics because my emotions had been so captivated by the Christian lies about sacrifices to Satan, and all the spiritual warfare we had to do. At that time (late 2007) Fox was claiming that Obama was a Maoist communist, not American and couldn't be president, and had ties to radical leftist groups. I ate that shit up! It reached a crescendo around election time. When he was elected, I reacted calmly, "Ok, let's see what happens". My wife looked at me like "What the hell happened to you? You were nearly shrieking with anger about this." But deconverting brought with it the idea that I had believed a BUNCH of lies about god, and I was keen to unplug all of the various kinds of lies I believed were truth. Something in me was nudging me towards maybe a fatalism of sorts, but also maybe picking up on the same emotional manipulation I had been through in church. The more I deconverted/deconstructed the more I saw through the manipulation and shut it off in favor of taking the good I got from the faith and dumping the rest.

 

Turns out that Fox is run by a ancient billionaire that wants one thing in life, more money. He gets that by keeping people hooked on an emotional narrative (outrage) that drives them to consume more and more. Contrast that with the news back in the 1970s which was far more news and very little editorializing, and they at least tried to have good journalism. And TV stations stopped broadcasting at midnight. Now it is entirely driven by profit, never stops, and they can say almost anything to keep profit happening. And keeping that profit flowing to the billionaires is their primary goal. Anything left leaning is demonized, and they can make up anything and it is delivered like absolute truth. That should be illegal for any broadcaster of any ilk. The divide in the nation is fed by these corporations, and by social media (also usually owned by billionaires). 

 

[older]

21 hours ago, Weezer said:

I read an article years ago that said 98% of the things people worry about never come to be.

 

I have this quote sitting on my desk right under my monitor: 
"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." — Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Letter 13 to Lucilius

[◊ Weezer ◊]

10 hours ago, Fuego said:

When I was deconverting, I was a Fox News devotee and had been conservative for years. I had been a "radical" Christian, blocking doors at abortion clinics because my emotions had been so captivated by the Christian lies about sacrifices to Satan, and all the spiritual warfare we had to do. At that time (late 2007) Fox was claiming that Obama was a Maoist communist, not American and couldn't be president, and had ties to radical leftist groups. I ate that shit up! It reached a crescendo around election time. When he was elected, I reacted calmly, "Ok, let's see what happens". My wife looked at me like "What the hell happened to you? You were nearly shrieking with anger about this." But deconverting brought with it the idea that I had believed a BUNCH of lies about god, and I was keen to unplug all of the various kinds of lies I believed were truth. Something in me was nudging me towards maybe a fatalism of sorts, but also maybe picking up on the same emotional manipulation I had been through in church. The more I deconverted/deconstructed the more I saw through the manipulation and shut it off in favor of taking the good I got from the faith and dumping the rest.

 

Turns out that Fox is run by a ancient billionaire that wants one thing in life, more money. He gets that by keeping people hooked on an emotional narrative (outrage) that drives them to consume more and more. Contrast that with the news back in the 1970s which was far more news and very little editorializing, and they at least tried to have good journalism. And TV stations stopped broadcasting at midnight. Now it is entirely driven by profit, never stops, and they can say almost anything to keep profit happening. And keeping that profit flowing to the billionaires is their primary goal. Anything left leaning is demonized, and they can make up anything and it is delivered like absolute truth. That should be illegal for any broadcaster of any ilk. The divide in the nation is fed by these corporations, and by social media (also usually owned by billionaires). 

 

 

Yes, you had an awakening.  Mine happened more gradually over the years, but we came to similar conclusions.   Professional journalism is almost a thing of the past.  Big money owns most of the media now, and chaos makes more money.  And big money is buying up rall kinds of mom and pop businesses.  And real estate.  They are bent on owning the world.

[older]

23 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

And yes, make a list! I wanna see!!

 

No, let's not. Enough doom scrolling for now. Yesterday we went to see Casablanca at the local movie house (A must see. It is always rated as one of the top ten movies of all time.), and we had a cooler day today, with a nice breeze, and we ate lunch outside at the picnic table. Glad you got to see some buffalo at Yellowstone. (And I also like the Tetons.)

 

The old phrase, "History is written by the victors," is true. I've written here before that two good books to read about the history that isn't taught in schools are A People's History of the United States, by Howard Zinn, and An Indigenous People's History of the United States, by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz. Both are available online and will reveal quite a bit of stuff that is, to use a tired cliche, swept under the rug when folks want to dream about the "good old days."

 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

Hey, this one's for you kiddo 

 

https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/7/30/2259383/-Remember-the-Mormon-Girl-Who-Came-Out-As-Gay-In-Front-Of-The-Church

 

 

[pantheory]

On 7/25/2024 at 7:58 PM, Casualfanboy16 said:

Okay, to preface this, I just want to say... I'm not suicidal, but this train of thought I've been having for a long time is rather morbid, so I just need to get it out of my system. I've been having thoughts a lot about death and dying for a while. but not in the sense like "I want to die" but moreso a morbid curiosity about death and if anything does come after it (I don't believe in an afterlife, but the concept of life after death interests me, especially how other religions view it). 

 

This next part is where I start to get a little concerned with where my thoughts are going because I tend to be incredibly pessimistic/fatalistic in my thought processes, which isn't a trait I'd personally like to have. Anyway, my parents keep discussing how we might live to see a potential WW3 of sorts because of all the stuff going on, and tbh... it makes me sick. Physically, and mentally. I know it's all a hypothetical scenario built around fear, but with the way some things are going, sometimes I fear the worst and these hypothetical scenarios feel like they could become reality any day now. I feel sick at the idea that I would either go to war, or have to survive in that kind of scenario. I keep getting rather terrible thoughts about offing myself in the situation that we would go to war someday. I don't feel suicidal at all, but these thoughts concern me. I personally don't dream of killing myself, but I cannot go to war. I cannot, in good conscience, kill another person for any reason. If I had to defend my house from an intruder, I would sooner knock them out than kill in self defense. I would sooner take myself out than live through that. Especially if I get PTSD from the horrors of war because then I probably would wish I died.

 

I sometimes scare myself with where my head goes. Again, I reiterate, I am in no way suicidal, but indulging in hypothetical scenarios like this and thinking death is more preferable than going to war and such is probably not a healthy state of mind to be in. You'd think with the fact that I don't necessarily believe in the concept of an afterlife, I would cling to life more, but I'm not really??? Like, death doesn't really bother me. Dying doesn't bother me. It's moreso the circumstances surrounding my death. Preferably, I would rather die to natural causes and have it be painless. It can be the slow fade of life leaving my body, or instant death.

 

So yeah that's pretty much it. Just getting my ugly train of thought out because it's annoying to have such a rather violent and horrific(???) thought process. 

 

Everybody has a right to their own opinion In Western democracies. Mine is that I am an animal like all others. Based upon the human definition of the word smart, humans are the smartest of all animals on Earth. My opinion is that there is no afterlife since there is no scientifically accepted evidence for its existence, and for me such an afterlife is not logical. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" so to speak -- is what I believe. Only verifiable objective evidence should rule ones thoughts concerning reality IMHO. Any such thoughts or worries are a misplaced layover from faith in something that never did exist.  Worries should only have a very small place in a totally rational mind

IMO. 

[Casualfanboy16]

8 minutes ago, pantheory said:

Any such thoughts or worries are a misplaced layover from faith in something that never did exist.  Worries should only have a very small place in a totally rational mind

IMO. 

Yeahhhhh maybe I'm still not the most rational right now considering my circumstances heheh. I'm good for now though compared to when I made this post.