Fat Acceptance Movement

[Ellinas]

Seek professional help.

 

I've seen first hand the effects of a full blown eating disorder on a young woman in your age range.  It was horrendous, and causes massive physical damage.  The impression is that you are heading that way, but still have time to get off the train.

 

Most people don't find skeletons attractive; Trying to turn yourself into something approximating one is not sensible, and the attitude to your appearance that is taking you that way is absolutely wrong.

 

Your status update about cutting is disturbing.

 

You must get proper help as soon as you possibly can - the sooner your issues are addressed the better the likely outcome.

[moanareina]

You keep talking about weight and how you don't like the way you look...then you write status updates about being a failure to your mom and then about cutting yourself.

 

I really think like the rest of us, you should get help from a professional.

 

Now: Do you feel empty inside often? Do you feel emotionally numb at times? Do you have pressure building up and feel as if you would explode any moment sometimes? Do you have those days when everything seems gray in grey and all life feels meaningless? Days you don't really know why you go to school or why people go to work? And then you wish you could just leave this world? Leave everything, not caring about anything anymore, not having to live up to anyones standards and just rest in peace?

 

If so, you might look into borderline personality disorder and find a therapist who is trained in dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT). Together with your body image, your restricted eating, your anxiety and then having that urge to cut yourself it sounds pretty much like something in this direction. And you will be thankful to start therapy as soon as you can because the longer you wait the more you will develop habits and patterns that will be hard to overcome. Better to start therapy before that happens. Once you have found comfort in habits that will destroy you in the long run (like eating disorders and also self harm like cutting or even addictions) it is a constant battle with yourself to seek better ways to release pressure and deal with everyday life. Cutting can become an addiction because it releases tension and makes you feel good for a moment. But it does not solve the problem that actually caused that tension in the first place. Therefore that tension will build up again...a vicious cycle. Don't go down that path. It is not worth it. 

 

And let us know how you do, please. We care.

[wyson]

I didn't realise there was so much more going on than just being dissatisfied about how you look.

 

In which case, I can only say like everyone else you should see a therapist and get professional help.  Going to a health club and getting a personal trainer isn't going to cut it.

 

Best wishes.

 

EDIT:  A friend of mine was also obsessed about her looks and weight, but that was a cover for other mental health issues.  She refuses to acknowledge those issues and weight continues to be an obsession.  It balloons up and down, over to underweight. She also has problems with bulimia.  I think she eats and eats and sees the weight pile on.  Then goes through a purging phase until she is super thin.  Then she stops purging and her weight goes up again.  Then she purges again until she is thin and so on.

 

Having spoken to her at length, I know she hates herself because of a severe childhood trauma.  Her therapy cycles in a similar way to her eating.  She reaches rock bottom and sees a therapist.  She feels starts to feel better, and stops attending therapy, without addressing the underlying issues.  Then she goes through a near breakdown again, so she attends therapy until she feels better but leaves before addressing the underlying issues.  Ad infinitum.  I tried telling her that she needs to continue therapy until the therapist tells her to stop, and that she will only recover when she attends therapy when she is feeling good and not pushing back from the brink.  She cut me off as a friend and refuses to see me.

 

Her life is a mess.

 

She can't hold down a career.

 

She can't hold onto a man.  Ironically, the men who want to stay with her all have their own issues, which puts her off them... "normal" guys get scared off when they get to know her.

 

She can't hold onto friends because they get concerned like I did, tell her to get help and she cuts them off. 

 

She is now almost 40, single with a string of failed relationships and still lives with her mother.   Despite having a degree from a top university and having bags of talent, she works a menial job. She hasn't moved on in any significant way since I knew her as an 18 year old.  

 

Don't become this person.  See a professional now and continue to get help until you become better.  It is a long run thing, often measured over years rather than months.   It will be better for you and everyone around you if you get professional help even if you can't see the problem.

[wyson]

First of all, ignore BMI. It is notoriously inaccurate. As an example, my 6' 3" husband is supposed to be between 148 and 200 according to BMI. He got down to 188 when doing triathlons a decade ago, and he looked worryingly thin. At 148 he would be positively anorexic! He both looks and feels the best right around 200 - where BMI thinks he is borderline overweight! I don't know how tall you are, so 135 doesn't really tell me much, but it doesn't really matter anyway. How do you feel physically? Do you get regular exercise to keep your heart, lungs, and muscles healthy? Do you try to eat real (unprocessed) food - especially veggies and fruit? Do you eat to fill an empty stomach, rather than out of boredom, anxiety, depression, etc.? That's what really counts for the rest of your life. Forgive me for going all "mom" on you. I know that at your age other people's opinions are at the forefront of your mind - it's just a part of being the age you are - but it also makes you very vulnerable to unkind or even just unthinking people around you. Try to limit the time you spend around those people, if possible, and focus on how you feel. It's so much more important than how you look!

I would second this.

 

My personal trainer said BMI is only a guide.

 

Its much more about body fat percentage, eating right and exercising right.

 

He said with the right diet and training I could easily be in the overweight category and have spot on metabolic function and be very fit. 

 

He said people can look GREAT and have lousy metabolic function because they don't exercise or eat properly.  He said bodybuilders are some of the unhealthiest people around, because perversely, their body fat %'s are too low and their diets are too extreme.

 

There can also be thin people with high body fat percentages who are at extra risk because they store fat around their organs and not under the skin.  This is a genetic predisposition.  So, a guy or gal who looks thin but has this genetic predisposition can be at much worse risk from heart disease etc than someone who looks plump.

 

There is a lot more.  Its all about individual variability.

 

I think you are missing a lot of knowledge required to manage your health and fitness properly.  Weight and BMI is a small component of a much larger set of possible health and performance measurements.  You should be looking at the overall picture.

 

For your information I got the overall picture by:

1) Doing a fitness test at my health club where they time you and see how your heart rate goes up / recovers after doing a series of tests like shuttle runs etc. (free service)

2) Measuring blood pressure, weight, BMI and my body fat % on a special set of scales also at my health club (free service but the scales are $$$$)

3) Getting an overall health check at a hospital.  My weight, BMI and body fat % were taken again, as part of a battery of tests lasting 3 hours, including testing my blood and urine for metabolic markers.  (I did it through my health insurance by doing it independently would cost $$$$)

 

Other tests included:

Waist to Hip ratio

Hydration Level

ECG test

Functional assessment

Postural assessments 

Lung function

Vision

Resilience

Antioxidant status

 

I guess all of this testing took 3.5 to 4 hours of which my body weight and BMI measurements took maybe 5 minutes.  In the 30 page report provided by the hospital, information about my body weight and BMI took up one paragraph.  

 

I hope you can see through this example that body weight and BMI provide but a fragment of the information required to judge your overall health and fitness.

 

With all this information, I could see, despite STILL looking slightly plump and being in the overweight BMI category (28) that there were absolutely no worries about my health or fitness whatsoever.  There was a minor warning about my cholesterol as it was borderline and was told how to improve this by a doctor.

[GraphicsGuy]

I don't like the way I look, in all honesty.

I believe that most people tend to not like the way they look. I know I'm often on that train.

 

If you feel good about you, you will look good. Confidence is sexy!

 

Continue to work on the inner you, the REAL you, and that is who people will see when they look at you.

 

Some physical activity and avoiding junk food will be enough to take care of the outside until you have the mental space to really focus on fitness goals and such. It takes serious commitment to be in excellent physical condition and you have too many other things to "worry" about right now.

[florduh]

The OP has exhibited some dangerous mental issues including cutting. Diet and exercise tips or medical advice aren't appropriate here. She has been advised to seek professional help. It's time to close this thread and wish her the best.