I Feel So Fat...

[Brother Jeff]

One of my young nieces developed bulimia because her father constantly pressured her to be really thin, and that's just not her body type. She's over it now, I think. She is in college now. She is happy and she looks fantastic. As far as big hips goes, who cares? I have a relative who has naturally big hips. Yeah, I noticed them and even commented as a joke to my mom that she is "built funny". But who really gives a shit? My relative doesn't, as far as I know, and neither do I. I love her for her, big hips and all!

 

Sister RC, you do not want to develop an eating disorder. Those are hell to have and to recover from. Anorexia can be deadly and bulimia must really suck too. Who wants to throw up all the time? Just be yourself and love yourself for who you are. I am currently about 60 pounds overweight, but I still love myself exactly as I am, and you should too! Glory!

[NoOne]

Okay guys. So I guess people are interpreting this a lot of ways and honestly, I think you're all giving great advice. No one is offending me or pressuring me, it's okay. I felt like I was unclear in my first post, so I'll clarify the major reasons why I want to lose weight.

 

1) I don't want to develop all the diseases I mentioned. I feel like when you're heavier, it's harder to prevent them. Also, it's easier to control your weight now as opposed to when you're older.

2) I feel like it's easier to run when you're thinner. I do want to get into running. Not track or marathons, I really couldn't do anything like that if I tried. But just recreational running in those cute neon bras. I also think if you're thinner it's easier to lift weights. I mean, I'm not sure about that one but I feel like it makes sense.

3) My family, particularly my parents, has always been on my case when it comes to my weight. My father, who is a deadbeat asshole anyway, used to give me a really hard time when I went through that stage where you pudge up around the beginning of puberty. Then in 7th grade, I suddenly lost 20 lbs without dieting or anything but my family still gave me problems and accused me of being an anorexic basically. It makes me uncomfortable so if I finally took some control over it, like intentionally losing weight, they might get some kind of message and leave me alone.

4) This is purely my insecurity talking...there are a lot of girls at my school who I consider really beautiful and most of them are really thin. Some are on the bigger side, but it's more muscle than fat. I kind of want to look like them because I don't like how I look in all honesty, and again, I personally think they're gorgeous. A lot of them are white too (I'm not white), and I have heard multiple times that white women tend to be thinner than WOC because of their genes. So I'm not sure if that plays a part in it or not. If it does, I'm out of luck.

 

So those are the main reasons, hopefully this makes things a bit clearer.

I went to my school nurse because I feel funny about talking to my doctor. She says I can eat more fruit and veggies, drink a lot of water, exercise, and sleep more if I'm serious about it; but she also said I shouldn't worry about it and that my goal of 20 lbs was way too much. She said I shouldn't even worry about it, but of course she would say something like that.

[disillusioned]

I went to my school nurse because I feel funny about talking to my doctor. She says I can eat more fruit and veggies, drink a lot of water, exercise, and sleep more if I'm serious about it; but she also said I shouldn't worry about it and that my goal of 20 lbs was way too much. She said I shouldn't even worry about it, but of course she would say something like that.

 

This is excellent advice. Eat a healthy, balanced diet full of fruits, vegetables, complex carbohydrates and lean proteins. Drink lots of water, and exercise. These are things we should all do, even if we don't want to lose weight.

[moanareina]

I guess there are many ways to lose weight. I lost 7 kg (I guess that is maybe 16lb's?) by adopting a low fat low sugar and vegan diet with little processed foods. And I did not even plan to and was really worried about it...ate more than usual especially carbs as potatoes or pasta. But doing such changes takes strong willpower and also information. And it is important to supplement B12 and sometimes also iron and vitamin D. This kind of diet also reduces the risk of heart decease, cancer and diabetes type 2. But it is not everyones thing and I think you need to find your own thing. When you find the diet that suits you you will feel what is good for your body if you push it for a while without falling back to old patterns and give up.

 

That all said, to change weight should not be the reason to change diet or do sports. It should be to be good to your body and to treat it well and stay healthy.

 

I am not a runner either...though I had a phase when I walked a lot in the forrest and I did so with so much speed that it was not far from running. If you want to start running there is a technique that makes it easier. Like you start with walking two hundred steps, then you run a hundred steps, then you walk two hundred steps again...next time you walk two hundred steps and you run a hundred and fifty steps...

 

For me running though is too boring. I need some fun involved and therefore will try parkour as soon as I have no work on a day when they have it in my university sports program. I tried Kung Fu and it was fun but then I had some emotional crisis and it felt overwhelming and so I stopped going. But I want to take another try because...who does not think it is cool to move like Bruce Lee...

 

And I think if your body and weight is something that is occupying your mind a lot maybe it would be beneficial to see a counselor. Body image has much to do with how you experience yourself and others and most of the times it is not really an issue of weight or looks.

For a long time I thought I was not really ugly but not really beautiful either. Average. And more on the lower rage of average. When people told me I was hot I really could not see what they meant and saw. Just a while ago I started to accept myself the way I am with all the things I like and all the things I don't. And I don't go all day like: Oh my gosh am I hot...but I start to see what they see and think: Yeah, I really am good looking. And I often look into the mirror to look into my eyes and think, I have beautiful eyes. The interesting thing is, people start to respond different to me. I get more positive feedback and just recently someone told me I had beautiful eyes (and no it was not some dude who just wanted to get into my pants...).

Maybe you will find your very own way to make peace with your body and looks but it might always be helpful to have someone helping you with it. Especially since you mentioned low self esteem as well. There are ways to improve self esteem and if you have someone motivating you to do what is needed for it, you will benefit a lot from that.

 

I am just reading a booklet on dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT) because I will start going to a skills-group and they mention some fun stuff you can do. But just knowing what I could do for me somehow is not enough because I am a terrible procrastinator...and also forget about stuff pretty fast and without supervision motivation gets lost too fast too. So I am looking forward to have the support of group therapy where there is some sort of commitment that helps me to keep motivated and doing the exercises until they are automated in my brain and exchange the behavior that keeps me struggling with my struggles.

[moanareina]

...and here is a great video about what true beauty is about:

 

 

To decide to be who you are.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

 

 

 

By all means eat healthy and do a little exercise but please don't obsess over your weight, your food intake or your looks.  15 year old girls are at risk of eating disorders, as much as they might be at risk of Type 2 diabetes later in life IF they gain a lot of weight.

 

Most of the advice above is suitable for people over 30 or 40. 

There are now *children* diagnosed with T2 diabetes. And you don't have to be even a little overweight to end up diabetic (T2). There's no need to wait until age 30 or 40 to help yourself--ages when people with the genes for diabetes or overweight have typically developed those conditions. 

 

As for eating disorders, LC diets don't call for calorie restriction: you eat when hungry and stop when full. 

 

 

I realise that, but those children are freaking enormous.  We are not talking about a margin of 5lb here.  I myself have T2 diabetes, which I got at 37, after being *very* overweight for a couple of decades.  Yes I could probably have avoided this if I had lost weight earlier but yanno a binge eating disorder, yoyo dieting from age 14, and years on drugs that cause weight gain tend to make that hard.  I did however eventually lose 100lb and send my diabetes into remission.  So there.

 

Sheerbliss, RockChick is just 15 years old.  Please don't pressure her about her weight. She is normal and healthy and she can probably do without the scare tactics.  At her age and size and stated beliefs like "I feel so fat", the risk of an eating disorder is much more likely than T2 diabetes. If you want to talk to people about actual overweight and obesity and stuff, you might want to start a new thread.

 

I addressed the OP's concerns; you seem to be projecting your own problems. I'm sorry you went through everything you did--but yoyo dieting, serious weight gain and diabetes are things a healthy LC diet without calorie restriction could help a young person avoid. And for someone of the OP's age and weight, it may be as simple as replacing sugary foods and drinks with things like water, nuts, deviled eggs, vegetables and dip, or even leftovers for a snack and having ham and eggs for breakfast instead of juice and cereal.

 

This article addresses concerns about LC diets: http://authoritynutrition.com/20-mainstream-nutrition-myths-debunked/

 

 

I've got nothing against LC diets, how do you think I lost 100lb?  And I don't need your expressions of sympathy delivered along with jabs about projecting, thanks.  My journey was my journey and I'm fine with it.  RockChick is not at risk of diabetes and IMO does not particularly need to be on a LC diet, but if she did go on one, it probably wouldn't do her any harm.  A balanced diet low in junk food would be just as good for a 15 year old who is not actually overweight.

 

Looking back at your posts in this thread and reading your blogsite it's clear you're very passionate about people avoiding excess weight, and that's awesome for people who are at risk of that.  I think when we're passionate about something it's wise to check that we're not applying a blanket solution to everyone though.  You may not have had much experience with young people with bulimia, anorexia or similar disorders. I have.  As adults we need to be careful of the messages we send.  Both obesity and clinically disordered eating are problems. It's possible to aim at avoiding both at the same time.

[FreeThinkerNZ]

Okay guys. So I guess people are interpreting this a lot of ways and honestly, I think you're all giving great advice. No one is offending me or pressuring me, it's okay. I felt like I was unclear in my first post, so I'll clarify the major reasons why I want to lose weight.

 

1) I don't want to develop all the diseases I mentioned. I feel like when you're heavier, it's harder to prevent them. Also, it's easier to control your weight now as opposed to when you're older.

2) I feel like it's easier to run when you're thinner. I do want to get into running. Not track or marathons, I really couldn't do anything like that if I tried. But just recreational running in those cute neon bras. I also think if you're thinner it's easier to lift weights. I mean, I'm not sure about that one but I feel like it makes sense.

3) My family, particularly my parents, has always been on my case when it comes to my weight. My father, who is a deadbeat asshole anyway, used to give me a really hard time when I went through that stage where you pudge up around the beginning of puberty. Then in 7th grade, I suddenly lost 20 lbs without dieting or anything but my family still gave me problems and accused me of being an anorexic basically. It makes me uncomfortable so if I finally took some control over it, like intentionally losing weight, they might get some kind of message and leave me alone.

4) This is purely my insecurity talking...there are a lot of girls at my school who I consider really beautiful and most of them are really thin. Some are on the bigger side, but it's more muscle than fat. I kind of want to look like them because I don't like how I look in all honesty, and again, I personally think they're gorgeous. A lot of them are white too (I'm not white), and I have heard multiple times that white women tend to be thinner than WOC because of their genes. So I'm not sure if that plays a part in it or not. If it does, I'm out of luck.

 

So those are the main reasons, hopefully this makes things a bit clearer.

I went to my school nurse because I feel funny about talking to my doctor. She says I can eat more fruit and veggies, drink a lot of water, exercise, and sleep more if I'm serious about it; but she also said I shouldn't worry about it and that my goal of 20 lbs was way too much. She said I shouldn't even worry about it, but of course she would say something like that.

 

I have no issues with 1) and 2). I'm saddened to hear about 3).  A counsellor could help you learn assertive skills so you can stand up to your parents and any others who are giving you a hard time about your weight. You don't need to "take control" of your weight in order to get them to leave you alone.  Eating disorders are about taking control of your weight to solve a psychological issue.  Sounds like that's what's happening here.  Assertive skills will help you so much in all areas of your life.  About 4) ok, yes tone up your muscles and you will probably be happier with how you look. Just try to keep it balanced.  Yes WOC do find it a little harder to stay a healthy weight.  But only a little. I'm white but I inherited a risk of diabetes.  Most of us had some sort of bad luck through our genes. We can only do our best to overcome it.

 

Your school nurse said what a doctor would have said, and also what a counsellor, dietician, personal trainer or other informed adult would have said.  Those who say otherwise are either trying to sell you something, are unqualified to comment on it, or are part of the problem, ie your family, or peers who have an eating disorder themselves.  If you are looking for endorsement of losing 20lb from your current basically normal weight, then yes you can find that if you look for it.  But I think that is not a good path to go down.  Don't let the judgmental, controlling attitudes of messed up people make you hate your body and try to control it instead of standing up to them and being proud of who you are. 

[violetbutterfly]

Just a side note to go along with what your nurse told you...you stated in your first post that you wanted to get into running but didn't really like it. What about if you did some bodyweight exercises instead of running? You could always do sit ups, push ups, planks, etc. You can start slow and build up reps.

 

I'm sorry to hear about how you were treated by your parents. I agree that maybe you should talk to someone about how it's making you feel. I agree with FTNZ that control is the foundation of an eating disorder and you definitely do not want things to get to that point. I do understand your desire to be healthy and fit and to be in control of your health and body. But make sure you are doing it for you and not a desire to please anyone else.