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Goodbye Jesus

Sh*t I Used To Say As A Christian


Idontevenknow99

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"God is in control."

 

That was my favorite... Although I had to wrap my brain into a pretzel in order to believe it.

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The lord punishes those he loves

 

You just need to rest in the lord

 

god has told me "X" but I'm not sure I am really ready to walk in that knowledge.

 

You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

 

Anyone can die for god; it's living for god that seperates the men from the boys.

 

Don't just be a hearer of the word; be a doer of the word.

 

Argh, my head throbs from all this sh!t coming back into it.  But it's fun in its own perverse way.

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Argh, my head throbs from all this sh!t coming back into it.  But it's fun in its own perverse way.

 

Yup, and it also shows how much we've all grown up!

 

 

ETA: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, thought like a child..."  and  "the truth shall set you free."  I'm too lazy too look up those verses, but we all know they're there.   GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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More, more and more.

 

Do you love jesus?

 

Jesus wants to have a relationship with you

 

Those doubts are from the devil/demons/sin/

 

If god explained how creation worked no one would understand it

 

Read(add christian book here)

 

God wants us to honor our mother and father

 

No, god is three persons in the one god

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Remember people... most of this quotes come from an expectation that life is fair. Let me explain.

 

"God is in control". This is a common quote used when things go wrong. Instead of realizing that simply put, sometimes things go randomly wrong, they feel better thinking that there is a reason for things to happen. Even when humanity has several thousand years old existing, and all kinds of bad and good stuff have happened to both bad and good people RANDOMLY (That is, there ARE bad people who die without being caught doing something horrible, and there are good people who can't find their way out of the darkness no matter if they are examples for the society to follow), the thought of concluding that life has not any kind of standards that predetermine that bad people will be punished (in jail, hell etc.) and good people will be rewarded scare them. It's a defense mentality.

 

It's funny, and yet nauseating, when people say that a bad guy who had been found to have cancer, it is a punishment for his bad deeds. So, what about a GOOD person who has been found with the same illness? Oh, "God is in control".

 

See?

 

Excuses, excuses and more excuses.

 

It is hard, unfair as it can be, but LIFE IS JUST AS IT IS, without good or bad meeting any specific fate. Some good people will be "blessed", others will be "cursed". Some evil people will be "blessed", and others will be "cursed". Religious people prefer to believe a lie because just like many lies, they make people feel better in the present time.

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If god proved himself, he wouldn't require faith

 

Only a wicked generation asks for signs and wonders

 

jesus died for you, what more proof do you need?

 

What we bind on earth will be bound in heaven

 

Where two or three are gathered in jesus name, there jesus is in their midst

 

god wants you to be happy/rich/blessed etc.

 

The lord may have revealed "X" to you, but he has revealed "Y" to me; are you sure you've prayed this through?

 

Pray through this

 

jesus would deliver you from alcoholism if you'd just quit drinking (like he delivered you from diabetes when you started producing more insulin?)

 

god has a plan for everyone

 

If you are not on fire for jesus, then you are a lukewarm christian and he will spew you out of his mouth

 

Faith without works is dead; now get out there and save as many souls as you can

 

The widow's mite as proof that tithes and offerings equal holiness

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Yeah,  X is going to Bible college and is so on fire for God.

 

I'm just waiting on God for that at the moment

 

Christianity isn't a religion, it's a way of life

 

Jesus will be there for you to catch you

 

You can always pray, even if you're not a Christian. God will hear it, cause he loves you.

 

You're God's child.

 

And now it's time for.... other things I used to say as a Christian!

 

(when explaining the Fall to my friend, and take note that I have used this more than once) "...and Satan is all, 'Imma fuck your shit up, God'..."

 

AND

 

"God just wants to tolerate and love the shit outta you"

 

There are probably more, but having said these two things, I can mostly look back on my attempts to subvert the Christianese I hated with pride. Mostly.

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Pastor of my church growing up: "There's only two choices on the shelf"

Congregation: "Pleasing God or pleasing self"

He had many of these little sayings that he would start and then have the congregation finish. This was the most popular.  

 

Another thing I remember being told many times though I never said it to someone else myself, was: 

"If he brings you to it, he will bring you through it."

I don't remember it ever making me feel better about a difficult situation though.

 

Ugh...reading all these quotes make me a little sick to my stomach. Too many bad memories of my years in christian college. I've heard all of it. Glad those days are gone. 

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Ok I'm back with more

 

Just talk to the lord like his your father

 

Jesus is my best friend

 

They don't believe the truth because they have harden there heart's

 

God is a righteous judge

 

In the kingdom we will all be perfect like jesus

 

You can't hide from god

 

The second commandment love your neighbor is like the first

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Any argument for atheism presupposes atheism!

 

All things work together for good for those who love God.

 

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done! (Without the rest of the prayer usually)

 

Thank you lord for this food, please bless it to our bodies, in Jesus name, amen.

 

And please lord forgive me for all the sins I committed but can't remember right now.

 

Please let X person be healed but if that is not your will, please let her be with you in glory and give her family peace.

 

If it is God's plan, it will happen.

 

God, I believe, but help me in my unbelief.

 

Judge not lest you also be judged.

 

I am such a terrible person, I don't deserve to be saved, I'm not even sure I am saved.

 

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. (Old faves hymn lyric)

 

I took Total Depravity really seriously. Some of my old quotes make me sad to think about now, especially because I was only like 11 or 12 saying these things. :(

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Yeah all that christian speak made me feel like a little fly caught in a spiders web.

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 I asked the lord how much he loved me and he stretched out his arms as wide as he could and died

 

The entire "Footprints" poem

 

The entire "Starfish" poem

 

Seek ye first the kingdom of god and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you

 

Ah the "footprints" poem. My parents have it printed and put up on the back of their bathroom door. 

 

I always end up reading it through. (Come on, you have to read something or it's wasted time.)

 

I always imagine myself writing this quote of Carl Sagan underneath it: 

 

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence"

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 I asked the lord how much he loved me and he stretched out his arms as wide as he could and died

 

The entire "Footprints" poem

 

The entire "Starfish" poem

 

Seek ye first the kingdom of god and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you

 

Ah the "footprints" poem. My parents have it printed and put up on the back of their bathroom door. 

 

I always end up reading it through. (Come on, you have to read something or it's wasted time.)

 

I always imagine myself writing this quote of Carl Sagan underneath it: 

 

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence"

 

 

Admittedly it IS the perfect environment for the Footprints poem, isn't it?

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I shared a small office with an atheist for many years. I remember one day, he honestly was asking about creationism. I argued that "even scientists will admit, if you get them alone, that believing in evolution is a greater leap of faith than believing in creationism." Wtf was I saying? Something I read in apologetics somewhere.

 

I also explained that carbon dating can be problematic, because you can test a snail shell found living today on the sidewalk, and get a false reading that it is millions of years old. (I read that in some apologetics argument somewhere too.)

 

I also explained that when Mt. St. Helen's erupted, we got layers of sediment / stratum that mimic other strata that has been estimated to be millions of years old, so those other strata could also be misleading if they were created by one singular event as well. (More apologetics talking.)

 

He and I no longer share an office, but are still friends. I have recently apologized for this nonsense, and admitted my brainwashed answers. He laughed and said it's all good. Atheists really do make the best friends.

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