From Baptist Preacher's Daughter To Freethinking Adult

[mando rando]

Hi FormerPK, thank you for sharing your story!  I got to spend a few years in Germany on a German air base, my daughter was born there.  Sadly for me I was still a fundamentalist then, though kind of fundy-lite by that time. 

I haven't totally come out to my Mom either; she knows I'm not christian, but I don't have much reason to use the A word around her.

I'm very happy for you and your husband and son.  Keep enjoying your freedom, and say hi to Deutschland for me!

Randy

[Positivist]

.....literalist, inerrant view of the Scriptures, and narrow-minded, God-oriented view on life.

.....every decision was based on "God's will", or "what the Bible says".

...My de-conversion started to happen when I was in my early to mid-twenties and was in college. I have a bachelor's degree in nursing and am now an RN, so, in college, I had to take many science classes......My questions started at the beginning of the Bible and continued on through right into the end of the book. And I found out that NONE OF IT MAKES ANY SENSE!

Welcome to Ex-C, FPK!

 

Wow, what a journey you have had!!! You and I have a lot in common, but I wasn't a PK. But I was right there on the Biblical literalism and "God's will".

 

I *should have* lost my faith via education, but I tenaciously hung on!   I resisted the "lies of Satan" deliver from the lecterns.    What a nutter. Oh well, I'm free now!

 

Glad to hear you're free!

[FormerPK]

Raleah, omg, that is too funny that you went to PCC too! I remember a lot of those same rules although I think I've tried to block a lot of that time period In my life out, lol. I once got in trouble for having my radio on static, STATIC, like no station, because it would give the appearance of evil and they wouldn't know what I had been listening to if it was on static. I also got stopped on my way to class one day because a staff member didn't think I was wearing hose. I just picked up my leg, pinched the hose in between my fingers, and said, "See?" And she goes, "oh wow, where did you get those, they look so natural!" Uggh, puke! I don't know how people make it all 4 years there either, however I still have a friend or two that did.

 

TrueFreedom, thanks for the welcome!

 

Mando Rando, we are enjoying Germany! It is definitely culture shock but I really like Europe!

 

Positivist, I'm glad you finally escaped the craziness as well!

[Geezer]

We lived in Greenville in the 70’s for a little over eight years. I managed a clothing store that was a couple of miles down the road from Bob Jones University. A few of their students worked for me part time. Very nice people but they dressed and acted like they were living in the seventeenth century.  Even married couples could not hold hands in public, at least while on campus.

 

The general population tended to look at the University and the students, to be kind, as “Odd”. They tended not to fit into the general population very well. I’m sure that was by design. As the bible says, "Believers must be in the world but not of the world." I can only imagine what life would be like growing up in that environment. Ugh.

[DrGuitar]

I have long thought that the Biblical discipline practiced by fundy Baptists and others should be considered child abuse..these parents are hate-filled and dangerous..truly no hyperbole there. I am sorry for you...I wish I knew where to point you in terms of healing, but I think you are finding your way anyway...

 

I was watching  football with friends last weekend and one guy, a Catholic evangelical, and I started talking and I told him I was no longer a Christian and he said well what are you now?, I replied I have no religion but I do believe we were created by some being. He told me I just needed revelation...I said I had it...God saved me by grace from Christianity!

 

Then I shared with him some outrageous, awful commanments of God in the OT such as stoning disobedient kids, smashing Babylonian babies' heads against rocks, etc..I was amazed he didnt know of this..he asked for verse etc and I eventually found it and he was rather stunned..then he read the footnote and said well archeology shows it was most likely never done..I told him how could they know and does  it matter? Your freakin God said do it!!!

 

The other guys who are fundies and Israel fanatics didnt like me pointing out the current outrages against Palestinians and the energy got very negative...personally I was immensely enjoying watching them squirm as I forced them to face the BS  and hypocrisy of their nutty religion. It opened my eyes to how much denial there is in Christianity. Reminded me of the AA mantra..take what you like, leave the rest. They concoct their own comfortable Jesus cult by leaving out those horrific OT passages that are indefensible.

 

Another one of those "God Im glad Im not a Jesus nut anymore" moments!

 

Too bad the Terps got clobbered 63-0. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[amateur]

Welcome, FormerPK!  Years ago, my mom got a letter from my cousin (her niece) who is very fundy, and in the letter she talked about how she had to discipline her young son to "break his spirit."  My mom was quietly agnostic and pretty tolerating of anything, but boy, did she blow up about that "breaking his spirit" phrase!  That little boy was maybe 4, if I remember right, and my mom said that to try to break a 4 year old's spirit was wrong.  That breaking anybody's spirit was wrong!  But a 4 year old!  They're supposed to run around and be loud and not listen very well!  This happened about 45 years ago and I still remember how MAD my mom got over that letter -- this from a woman that I can remember being really mad only a handful of times over her life.  (He was a totally cute, normal 4 year old boy, too; lots of energy, very smart, rambunctious, absolutely adorable!!!)

 

Years later, my cousin was sad when her son cut off all communication with her and her husband, to the point of not even letting them meet their new grandbabies.  I couldn't help but wonder if how he was raised was connected to the current non-communication.  I never knew the family well enough to know details, but I don't doubt it, and I certainly wouldn't blame him.

 

But disciplining a 3-month-old is beyond my comprehension.

 

The rest of religion is as crazy-making as recommending disciplining infants and beating children.  I'm glad you got thinking and got out!

 

Enjoy your journey!

[RenaissanceWoman]

Welcome, PK! My mom's father was a pastor, and I don't know how he raised his 8 kids, but I can tell you that my mother raised us similar to how you describe your upbringing. She was jovial on the outside, scary as hell at home. She spanked us for everything. She was obsessed with what the people at church would think if they found out what we had done. Keep in mind that all three of us were valedictorian types, well loved by teachers and church people, and just normal good kids.

 

But normal kids also question things, like why we can't go to the school dance and stuff like that. That sort of "back talk" was always punishable. Besides, what would the people at church think if they let a 15-year-old go to a homecoming dance? (Hello? We're Lutheran!) Ummm, considering it's mid-80s and everyone else from every church we know is allowed to go... I don't know -- what would they think? They'd think you're a crazy fucking control freak, and your kids are going to rebel against such nonsense.

 

And yes we did.

 

Instead of accepting a full scholarship (but still technically under our parents' thumb because you have to come home on breaks), my sister ran off a month before high school graduation (she had just turned 18), lived with her boyfriend's family, finished out the school year, and married him a month later so she would be out from under their control. She is fine and well-adjusted now, still married, with three successful kids, but has set definite boundaries with both parents. (Our parents are now divorced. They hated each other as far back as I can remember, but stayed together for the kids. Don't get me started on the bad example that was... But what would the people at church think if they divorced?)

 

I went off to college, and stayed through the summers rather than go home for breaks. I graduated, got married, and moved away. (Got amicably divorced about 2 years alter, no big deal really.) I did not speak to my mother for over 16 years. Contact with my father was sporadic, but I cut him off completely about 8 years ago now. I am happily married now for almost 20 years, and life is good. It's even better now that I got out of the mind control cult of Christianity. My hubby is with me, so that helps with our daughter.

 

My younger brother has not spoken to my mother in almost 30 years. It eats her up. Well... she made that bed. Luckily my father sort of always protected my brother from her, so they still have a good relationship now.

 

Anyway... this thread is about you, not me. I just want you to know you are not alone. I wonder if you have some of the same issues I do -- always wondering if you're good enough -- perfectionism kind of thing. Trying to keep control-freak parents happy (walking on egg shells) can make you an insecure mess, plus the whole thing about not being worthy of God's love and the sacrifice of Jesus for our miserable souls. Know what I mean? Although perfectionism and over-achievement has been beneficial in my career, lol.

 

I'm glad you found this place. You probably have plenty of baggage to sort through, and we'll be happy to listen to rants and offer encouragement. The struggles and discoveries of others are helpful for all of us.

 

Welcome!