Guest Valk0010 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 The main thing I can add, if you want to have one, get to it for her sake. Usually after 35 is gets harder and then 40 it gets even harder. The second. I would never ever ever want kids, its not a deal breaker. But kids are general evil rotten fucktards that can't figure out how to be grateful. I don't like being around them, and if that is the case then I shouldn't have one. Conversely it seems for you guys its just a issue of commitment. If that is the only deal breaker then my advice is to not have them, because is the trying experience worth it at your age. I wouldn't think it so. I am not a hardcore antinatalist but I wouldn't want to force planet earth on anybody, and then deal with that fact. Worrying about being lonely, buy a dog or a cat. Im serious, way less fuss, higher rewards. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted June 25, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted June 25, 2012 Never had 'em, never missed 'em. My feeling is that if you need to have a child (or a pet), adopt one who's already here and needs a good home. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Having children is much like any other human experience, you (and your children) will get out of it what you put into it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 My serious answer is: do you want higher highs, and lower lows? Then have kids. If you want things more even keel, then dont. Dude, I think bipolar takes care of those highs and lows enough already for me LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yrth Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Do you have pets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 seems appropriate. http://failblog.org/2012/06/23/crazy-parenting-fails-parenting-fails-seriously-who-came-up-with-this-expression/ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Honestly the EASY thing for my wife and for me me to do is to just continue with life as/is, and forget about having kids. My wife's biological clock isn't bothering her (except for puppy-pangs), and there's no pressure to speak of from the family as they're all hundreds of miles away. I don't feel any overwhelming desire for kids, and neither does she. But this will likely be a final decision- one that sets a course for the rest of our lives. It isn't something to take lightly. So thanks everybody for the thoughts so far. Feel free to post more- and feel free to tell me if you think I'm just being a dumbass. I know that I'm dangerously naive when it comes to this topic. And I appreciate Kurari telling me so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 25, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 25, 2012 Try fostering a few siblings first. I wish I had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 Do you have pets? Yeah- two dogs. I would just as soon have no dogs- but the woman can't live without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 My serious answer is: do you want higher highs, and lower lows? Then have kids. If you want things more even keel, then dont. Yeah, that's one of the things I was getting at when I mentioned in the OP that parents are fucking insane. I honestly think the worry, love, and anxiety drives them mad- at least that's what it looks like to me. I'm moody enough as it is, and so is my dear wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 The main thing I can add, if you want to have one, get to it for her sake. Usually after 35 is gets harder and then 40 it gets even harder. The second. I would never ever ever want kids, its not a deal breaker. But kids are general evil rotten fucktards that can't figure out how to be grateful. I don't like being around them, and if that is the case then I shouldn't have one. Conversely it seems for you guys its just a issue of commitment. If that is the only deal breaker then my advice is to not have them, because is the trying experience worth it at your age. I wouldn't think it so. I am not a hardcore antinatalist but I wouldn't want to force planet earth on anybody, and then deal with that fact. Worrying about being lonely, buy a dog or a cat. Im serious, way less fuss, higher rewards. Grattitude is something that's just never been important to me. But what worries me is that any kid I raise would probably grow up to resent me- or at least think I'm a damn fool. If they're anything like me or my wife, they'd probably turn out that way. And they might be right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yrth Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Do you have pets? Yeah- two dogs. I would just as soon have no dogs- but the woman can't live without them. There's this scene in the movie '28 Days' where all this lonely, recovering addict really wants a relationship. The counselor told him to start off with a plant, and then a pet, and that if he could handle that, then that was when he'd be ready for a relationship. I think there's some truth in that that's applicable here, because I think being a good caregiver to your pets involves really similar demands and impulses as parenting small children. On a much, much, much smaller scale, to be sure, but I think it gives an analogous emotional frame of reference for folks who are considering starting a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 The main thing I can add, if you want to have one, get to it for her sake. Usually after 35 is gets harder and then 40 it gets even harder. The second. I would never ever ever want kids, its not a deal breaker. But kids are general evil rotten fucktards that can't figure out how to be grateful. I don't like being around them, and if that is the case then I shouldn't have one. Conversely it seems for you guys its just a issue of commitment. If that is the only deal breaker then my advice is to not have them, because is the trying experience worth it at your age. I wouldn't think it so. I am not a hardcore antinatalist but I wouldn't want to force planet earth on anybody, and then deal with that fact. Worrying about being lonely, buy a dog or a cat. Im serious, way less fuss, higher rewards. Grattitude is something that's just never been important to me. But what worries me is that any kid I raise would probably grow up to resent me- or at least think I'm a damn fool. If they're anything like me or my wife, they'd probably turn out that way. And they might be right. Well my point was mostly, if you find them irritating then its best to not be a parent. To me a lack of grattitude for what you got is a big pet peeve. I have also thought the same thing as you here, that is why i wouldn't want them. I know my emotional problems and I know how I act and how people seem to in general resent me. Do I need my own children doing that or being that way? No. So I think you really have a valid concern, and if its strong enough you really shouldn't have kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Bringing a human life into this world without their consent doesn't seem right to me. If early man didn't know any better so be it. But I have a choice. When I was a Christian it didn't seem right because I wouldn't want my kid to end up in hell. Now it doesn't seem right because existence itself is completely absurd. The only real cure to life isn't death, it's prevention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoneTarus Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Me, I scare the living crap out of women, plus I am totally opposed to consumerist materialism and modern industrial society in every shape and form, i am not interested at all in making a lot of cash - i hate driving cars and flying in airpanes - the whole process is an obscenity, the american dream is worse than a lie to me, it is a total horror story. Thus chicks tend to avoid me like the plague. My veg head diet does in the rest of anyone who even usually wants to talk with me as the table conversation invariably turns to factory farming. OK - so maybe in a different world I would have wanted kids, but unless a hell of a lot changes, the abusive patterns and redneck pathology of my family dies with me. Cheers Sounds a lot like me only minus the vegetarianism (although I totally agree about factory farms) If I ever found the right woman I could see myself having children. I consider it almost an obligation for genetically fit and intelligent people to breed so there continues to be interesting people on this planet instead of wastes of oxygen that seem to be in the majority. The idea of having kids does scare the crap out of me though I do admit and I'm not really sure what kind of future they would have in store for them since the world seems to be getting very dark but it would be nice to leave something behind of myself. If i do have children (if by some miracle I ever meet anyone that was into me that much) I hope they learn from the mistakes of history and help push the world in a more positive direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I couldn't possibly add to what London or Kurari wrote on the subject. Personally, I've always been just a little bit too selfish to give up my own life for the life of someone I haven't met yet. My wife has waffled in agreement with me, depending on the time of the month perhaps, but now it's too late for us and I'm fine with it and she is sometimes not so much. Have you considered adopting? It's often much easier to adopt overseas than it is in the US and there are a lot of kids in the world that need parents like you two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 ...it would be nice to leave something behind of myself. I know that feeling. I have no children and no plans to do so any time in the near future, but a part of me would like to have kids some day, to watch a new human life develop and grow. Sometimes when I remember that I'm mortal, I want to have kids as some form of immortality. Thinking that way scares me, though, because my parents try to live vicariously through me and my siblings and I strongly resent them for that. So I've decided that if I ever do decide to have kids, I'm going to have to get over that urge as much as I can. They are their own person and they do not belong to me nor do they really owe me as much as I'd like them to. To the OP, if you do decide to have children, you've already been warned that they are a big commitment. But I'd also encourage you both to maintain at least one hobby that's just for you, so that you don't end up feeling like you've lost out and then expect your kids to make up the loss for you. And once they're late teens and early adults and leaving home, make sure you remember who you are, as an individual apart from your children. You're going to need that if you want to have a good relationship with them as adults. Also, part of being a good role model is maintaining your relationship with your spouse; don't get so focused on the kids that you forget about each other. Having a healthy marriage will also help you get through the empty nest stage, since at least that part of your life is staying the same. The only reason my parents aren't divorced is that they stayed together "for the kids". I now have trust issues and am scared of intimate relationships because my main role models were so unhealthy that I never, ever want to repeat that and would much rather live the rest of my life alone than have the kind of life my parents have. So if you do have kids, don't feel selfish if you have to take care of yourself sometimes too; being a happy, healthy person is a wonderful gift to children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Just do it already! Says the breeder with the daddy avatar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 If your wife just wants puppies, let her have her puppies. Sounds like she's more into her dogs than the idea of a kid. Though I can't say I blame her- I want to take home every kitten I see, yet I don't want kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Rank, here's an article you and your wife may want to look at. It's 100 reasons to not have children. 1. You will be happier and less likely to suffer from depression. 2. (Assuming you get married),you will have a happier marriage. 3. You will have the capacity and time for meaningful, engaged, quality adult relationships. 4. You will be able to save for a comfortable retirement. 5. You are more likely to be an engaged and involved aunt or uncle because you are not jaded and worn down by your own kids. (Here's the other 95 reasons) http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/03/top-100-reasons-not-to-have-kids-and.html 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I was also going to suggest adoption. Older children are the least adopted. You could skip all the diapers and sleepless nights and adopt an older child 5, 7 10? Just a thought. Another option is becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister (or both). I'm not sure how hard it is to do that and I'm sure they require a specific time commitment but that would be a way to "have" kids without really having all the first hand responsibility. And I am sure there are many kids who would be happy to get a Big Brother. I also wanted to slightly hijack this thread and share this hysterical cat in Japan named Maru. I just love her! http://www.youtube.com/user/mugumogu?feature=results_main 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Just do it already! Says the breeder with the daddy avatar. Parenting is kinda like xianity. You're doin something so crazy, you want others to do it as well do you feel less crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 But seriously, as many times as it makes you want to blow your brains out, when they cuddle up on you and say "I love you daddy"......nothing beats that. Best feeling in the world. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I said no, because I'm guessing parrots don't count as children. Honestly, I'm still young and have plenty of time. However, whenever the house sitter brings her two year old over, she makes me realize that I really don't want to have a child (at least, right now). Besides, birds and toddlers just don't go very well together. Skittles wants to destroy that child. She's loud, you have to change her diaper, she gets into EVERYTHING, she terrifies our animals, the TV is pretty much dictated by her, she screeches, she's incredibly disobedient... Yeah, I prefer the two year old bird that bites than the two year old human that throws hissy fits. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 My suggestion, for what little it's worth, is to have a discussion with your wife about your own deaths. I once heard a Taoist assert that the goal of every human life is to die with as little regret as possible. And that rang true with me. If you guys talk about it, then maybe you can work out between yourselves about how you'd feel on your death beds about either having had or not having had children. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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