mcdaddy Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 Our kids are 2 and 7 so not yet of age to have an adult type discussion about it yet. They've probly noticed that most of the god-talk comes from mommy and not daddy but that's it. No point in making something out of it yet, as it isn't really a "problem" other than the rare lashing out by her against what I read, followed my rare vent on ex-c. We've agreed talking about religion is futile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 its VERY futile. Both people have their mind made up. Only the difference is we have not closed the door of knowledge and accepted faith. Our view point is constantly evolving (not changing). Evolving to become better and better and ultimately closer to the truth as we learn more. Im not a Mitt Romney guy but he made an EXCELLENT comment about the private sector when they got on him for being a flip-flopper. "If you don't change your views when the facts change, you'll get fired for being stubborn and stupid" That could apply here as well only it should read "If you don't change your views when the facts change, you are being stubborn and stupid" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 If you dont mind....what is your wife's Myers-Briggs personality classification? There are specific ways to deal with people based on their personality. I will give an example. My daughter is well....a pistol. I feel sorry for any guy she dates. When I see a guy that 'I' like....I will simply tell him how to deal with her when she is on a tirade. (Which is....tell her in a very low but firm voice..."I am going to step out for a moment...when we can talk like civilized people I will be back.".... Some people it takes raising the voice to...yet others it take putting it in writing. No idea....but I'll find a way to get her to take it and get back at you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemybrain Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Ugh...been there, done that. The unequal-marriage coaster goes up, then down, then up, then down... We've been close to divorce a couple of times in the last 2 1/2 years since I deconverted. Mostly we get along fine, my husband is the sweetest guy, and he generally makes me happy, but occasionally he'll blow up a little and we have the same fight AGAIN, and then I have to demand respect for being a decent human being with a good mind, who loves him and who is a good wife and mother, and who has a right to think her own thoughts and not hide the fact that I don't believe anymore. And I don't mock his beliefs (except on here and with non-xian friends). If he tries to play the "poor me" card, I always, always point out that though I do understand how upsetting it is for him, it was much harder on ME to lose my faith, be honest about it, and face the fallout. I've been there, and I understand how desperately one feels they need to protect that whole belief system when they're in it. Part of the problem, as I see it, is the xian teaching of "once saved, always saved" (which my church taught) because when you get married, you assume that this aspect of your spouse can never change, it's locked in. We got married young, and didn't understand how much people can change. People learn as they grow, and the smart ones change to accommodate new information. So even besides deconversion and religious issues, couples are always growing differently from each other, and it's an ongoing struggle to decide whether to keep going through life together. I'm not gonna lie - I've looked around a bit, and yes, I find fun-loving, freethinking men a lot more appealing in many ways. But all in all, my life is better with him in it, and we have a good family, and it's worth it for me to stay. I think more and more as time goes on, we are both coming the point of accepting that each other will probably not change - this is what we've got. Who knows - maybe it won't last. But for now it is mostly good. Ok I'm rambling...my point was: it's not your "fault" - it's just the reality of life, people growing and changing, and you either adapt or you don't. And don't even get me started on the issue of kids in a marriage like this...whole other can of worms there, as you probably well know. Anyway, good luck on this journey - you're not alone. There are many of us in the same situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolorado Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 This is thorny,luckily my husband supports my thinking. I am not sure I could live in a situation fora long time where, if we had a major disagreement, that we wouldn't agree to disagree. Got to that point about religion with some friends. A few freaked (I lived in a very read state then) and even defriended me on FB. But most will accept me as a nonbeliever. Seriously, it is best not to talk with a believer about it. Just be who you are an diet them see that you are actually happier than they are, because hell doesn't exist and you know it. Most Xians remain out of fear of death. But we know that fear doesn't solve any thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts