mcdaddy Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I can't fathom how someone can think it's a good idea to have not just one, but two kids, and then talk about getting rid of them later on. Sorry blackpudd, I didn't appreciate your comment at first, but it got me thinking: why did I have four kids, what was I thinking? I remember. I was a Christian. We were using the natural birth control method called Serena, the only one (besides abstinence) accepted by the Catholic Church at the time. The method is almost 100% effective if you follow it by the letter. Every day, my wife had to check whether of not she was fertile, and then let me know, and we only had sex when she was not fertile, as we had agreed. I trusted her and I trusted God. She failed to check and she told me she was not fertile when in fact she was, and she got pregnant. First child. After the birth of our first child, we didn't have sex for about a year. I had lost trust in her. One day, I got home from work, she raped me. I should have defended myself but I didn't. I just let her do what she wanted (more or less enjoying it) and she got pregnant again. Second child. Then divorce. Second marriage, second wife, still a Christian (but starting to have doubts). We both didn't want kids. She was on the pill and intended to stay on it for the rest of her life. She got pregnant while on the pill (she said). I suggested an abortion but she didn't even want to consider it. Now following this, there was a series of events and coincidences, which I thought were miracles, and led me to believe that God wanted us to have children. I accepted because I didn't want to anger God. Third child (ten years after the birth of the second one). Because of the age gap, we didn't want this kid to be alone, so we decided to have a fourth, so they could play with each other. Fourth child. My severe depression was diagnosed 5 months later. Lost faith in everything. As a Christian, I always thought children were a blessing. It was my fault, I was stupid. Now I live with the consequences. But I tell myself: "Hey, this is cool, I have four great kids, I'm lucky, it's fun, I'm living life to the fullest, this is probably what I wanted deep down, blah blah blah." But on some days, the positive thinking doesn't work and negativity takes over. Damn, dude. 2 is PLEEEEEENTY for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I can't fathom how someone can think it's a good idea to have not just one, but two kids, and then talk about getting rid of them later on. Sorry blackpudd, I didn't appreciate your comment at first, but it got me thinking: why did I have four kids, what was I thinking? I remember. I was a Christian. We were using the natural birth control method called Serena, the only one (besides abstinence) accepted by the Catholic Church at the time. The method is almost 100% effective if you follow it by the letter. Every day, my wife had to check whether of not she was fertile, and then let me know, and we only had sex when she was not fertile, as we had agreed. I trusted her and I trusted God. She failed to check and she told me she was not fertile when in fact she was, and she got pregnant. First child. After the birth of our first child, we didn't have sex for about a year. I had lost trust in her. One day, I got home from work, she raped me. I should have defended myself but I didn't. I just let her do what she wanted (more or less enjoying it) and she got pregnant again. Second child. Then divorce. Second marriage, second wife, still a Christian (but starting to have doubts). We both didn't want kids. She was on the pill and intended to stay on it for the rest of her life. She got pregnant while on the pill (she said). I suggested an abortion but she didn't even want to consider it. Now following this, there was a series of events and coincidences, which I thought were miracles, and led me to believe that God wanted us to have children. I accepted because I didn't want to anger God. Third child (ten years after the birth of the second one). Because of the age gap, we didn't want this kid to be alone, so we decided to have a fourth, so they could play with each other. Fourth child. My severe depression was diagnosed 5 months later. Lost faith in everything. As a Christian, I always thought children were a blessing. It was my fault, I was stupid. Now I live with the consequences. But I tell myself: "Hey, this is cool, I have four great kids, I'm lucky, it's fun, I'm living life to the fullest, this is probably what I wanted deep down, blah blah blah." But on some days, the positive thinking doesn't work and negativity takes over. That does suck. You basically got carried along by the current, and now you can't even just comfort yourself with the thought that it was god's will that you have all these kids. It sounds to me like it's not so much all the things you have to do in life that's getting you down, but the fact that you feel as though you don't have any control over your life- in effect like you're still being carried along by the current. You essentially really only had any say in the making of one child, the last one, out of four. No wonder you've got the shits with the world. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 At least when you are an old man, you'll have children to take care of you! As a non-dad, I often wonder who will take care of me when I'm old. Children to take care of me? I can't even imagine this. I would not want my kids to take care of me. My wife maybe, but not my kids. I want my kids to be free and happy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I look forward to being missed when I'm dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 That does suck. You basically got carried along by the current, and now you can't even just comfort yourself with the thought that it was god's will that you have all these kids. It sounds to me like it's not so much all the things you have to do in life that's getting you down, but the fact that you feel as though you don't have any control over your life- in effect like you're still being carried along by the current. You essentially really only had any say in the making of one child, the last one, out of four. No wonder you've got the shits with the world. Exactly. I could not have said it better myself. Right now I don't have much control over my life. I have to let the events run their course. I made my major life choices while I was a Christian. I sacrificed my own will to do the will of God. I have to live with that now. One day I will have my freedom back. Meanwhile I get bitter sometimes, on this site more than in real life, because I can express myself freely here. Things I say here I don't even say to my wife because it would not be constructive. It would make her sad. Depression can be contagious. I don't want to contaminate my happy family with my negative thoughts. I'm not really looking for advice, just some support. My situation is not unique. I know many people who suffer much more than I do. But writing is helpful. I always feel better after I finish writing. I used to write to God, now I write to you. I'm getting more responses than I ever got from gawd, this is wonderful. Thank you all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 18, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 18, 2012 We have heard your prayers, Deny, and we will never leave you nor forsake you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 18, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 18, 2012 ....but if you love us, you will keep our commandments... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 ....but if you love us, you will keep our commandments... Commandment #1. Post hot nudie pics daily. NO DUDEZ. well, I guess there's a large demographic here that would love that. Place in separate threads plz, tyvm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted June 18, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 18, 2012 Deny, thank you for explaining the circumstances involving having 4 children. It explains a lot. That's a load of kids to deal with day after day. I went through hell on earth with just 2, so I can't imagine 4 screamin' kids. Thank you for being so honest about your life. You always write to be completely honest, even if it is to get your frustrations out. I always hope that people take out to remember that none of us knows the 'true' story of some of the things we go through in real life. It's hard to get on here and be completely honest because none of us want to look like basket cases. We even have pride on an 'on-line' support group! I hope we all continue to support each other on EX-c when we are suffering, angry, venting and hurting. I always think that if we put that person's shoes on for a minute and live inside their heads for awhile, we might be able to have a lot more compassion each other......even more than we normally feel here on EX-c. love to you all! I hope you had a good day Deny! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 It's hard to get on here and be completely honest because none of us want to look like basket cases. That might be some of it, but I don't recommend that people be too forthcoming about some things because some members here will utilize very personal information in a hurtful manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 We have heard your prayers, Deny, and we will never leave you nor forsake you. *kneeling* Our Ex-Christians who art on this website, hallowed be thy names... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 It's hard to get on here and be completely honest because none of us want to look like basket cases. That might be some of it, but I don't recommend that people be too forthcoming about some things because some members here will utilize very personal information in a hurtful manner. How true, Legion. I can vouch for this statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 At least when you are an old man, you'll have children to take care of you! As a non-dad, I often wonder who will take care of me when I'm old. Children to take care of me? I can't even imagine this. I would not want my kids to take care of me. My wife maybe, but not my kids. I want my kids to be free and happy. Due to the lousy economy, my elderly parents are sending me money so I can keep my house. You never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 It's hard to get on here and be completely honest because none of us want to look like basket cases. That might be some of it, but I don't recommend that people be too forthcoming about some things because some members here will utilize very personal information in a hurtful manner. How true, Legion. I can vouch for this statement. You mean, complete honesty will not be rewarded? Shit, I really screwed up. I want to start my whole life from the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I would rather be a inmate or brainwashed. So join a cult. Maybe they can meet your needs for a while. Yep. Better than some things people do. Find something inspiring and something that doesn't advocate hurting others and I'm on board. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 none of us want to look like basket cases. This is where I will end up. I'm already halfway there. I hope you had a good day Deny! I had a Green Day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 19, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 19, 2012 That might be some of it, but I don't recommend that people be too forthcoming about some things because some members here will utilize very personal information in a hurtful manner. I'm not sure what you mean by "some things," but I thought the mods on high protected us from those members. Maybe I'll have to share more things and see what I get hit with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 When I grow up, I want to be a saner man 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 21, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2012 Just looked up Kratom. Be careful with that stuff! http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/19/10760892-asian-leaf-kratom-making-presence-felt-in-us-emergency-rooms?lite 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Just looked up Kratom. Be careful with that stuff! http://usnews.msnbc....ency-rooms?lite Interesting, thanks True. Typical news article: they show you the worse case scenario and then try to scare the reader. It's what sells the article. I read a lot about kratom before buying it. It's like alcohol, in the sense that if you take it several times a day, every day, of course you have a chance of ending up in the hospital. But I totally agree, one has to use it responsibly, like alcohol, don't take too much too often, set your limits, don't drive after taking it, etc. It gives a nice gentle buzz that lasts a few hours, nothing like LSD, more like coffee. You don't lose your mind or anything. It doesn't taste very good, if you take too much, you'll probably vomit anyway, so it's pretty hard to overdose, in fact it's almost impossible. Have you tried it? Remember you suggested it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 21, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2012 Red Bull and Vodka is the most adventurous substance that I've tried since age 17. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts