Looking Forward To Nothing

[3DollarBill]

Honestly, getting rid of the afterlife belief has been the best part of deconverting. I really just don't want to live forever...and if I did, I certainly wouldn't want to do it imprisoned in biblegod's heaven. You're clearly under total mind-control the whole time, else how could you always be happy? Seriously, nothing pisses you off? Everybody is friends? No hardship or pain? What about all those folks in hell? Guess you don't remember them at all.

 

Well you know what, a lot of things piss me off, I don't like most people, and my struggles define who I am. I would lose my very personality, my memories, my interests, etc, and I would be turned into a robot who desires nothing but sitting around eating and worshiping god all day every day, year after year, until all memories of life here fade into nothingness and I know nothing but this eternal monotonous existence.

 

I want to live this life and enjoy it to the fullest, and then I just want it to be over. And if there is something beyond, I'll take another go-around here, please. Because I find life in this world to be interesting, and this supposed heaven would take that from me.

 

I am not free. Have to feed them and clean up after them, morning to night, day after day. I cannot do what I want. I have to do what a parent has to do.

 

I love my kids but I want them out of my house. It's not even MY house, it's their house. My stuff is their stuff. My food is their food. My yard is their yard.

Seriously considering getting myself fixed after reading that.

[Vigile]

I'm often reminded that my decision to refrain from procreation was the correct one.

 

'xactly.

 

I love kids, as long as my time with them is limited to a few minutes at a time.

 

I watched my friends go through what D described and I knew I would never give up my own life for someone I have never met.

[blackpudd1n]

I'm often reminded that my decision to refrain from procreation was the correct one.

 

'xactly.

 

I love kids, as long as my time with them is limited to a few minutes at a time.

 

I watched my friends go through what D described and I knew I would never give up my own life for someone I have never met.

 

I wonder if this is why there are more male than female gynecologists? You guys get it!

[Guest wester]

Study bass, once you can play well enough, study piano, then trumpet, then tenor saxophone, try covering Ray Brown and Sony Rollins solos, practice Scott Joplin and Jelly Roll Morton and George Gershwin songs. Take a year off and just study New Orleans music. Go to Mardi Gras at least once. Go up to Chicago and visit Kingston Mines and if you've got it, Checkerboard Lounge. Go to Rosine, Kentucky and visit the grave of Bill Monroe. Go to the Corn Island Storytelling festival. Teach yrself all the Johnny Cash solos. Learn to dance salsa and play Cuban Boogaloo and Son Cubano. Do Charles Mingus. Headbang at least once. If you have time learn Portugese. Go learn music on handmade guitars in Kinshasa, Congo. Try to dig all of Bach and Parliament Funkadelic. And if there's still time, do painting, poetry and write short stories. Go to the bottom of the Grand Canyon at least once. Hit the trails in canyonlands. SEE BAKER PEAK at the Great Basin National Park. Visit the Navajo and Sioux. If you are of the blessed, perform on the sitar, or at least get the rhythm of the tablas. And read - Learn about Roman Greek and far far ancient history. (It's there, trust me). Read the letters of Emma Goldman and Alexander Berkman. Read Edward Abbey and James Baldwin. Sleep on the beach. Save yr money, go to Paris and wink at girls. Watch all the Godard films between 1964-1968. Give money and food to people who need it. Remember the North Korean Phrase Juche 주체 use what you got to get what you need. (and if you really can't take it, go to China. It's not a country its a different planet.)

 

 

Peace and stay strong.

 

[AKR]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

[Guest Valk0010]

Heaven all the way.

 

I am surprised I am even asking the question. Can there be anything good to come of my life or living? Really unless your white and middle class and higher as well as totally healthy, the answer is a resounding no.

 

Right now, I am not healthy and am definitely in the poverty class. And I don't see anyway that will ever change in my life.

 

So yes I would prefer a heaven.

[Guest Valk0010]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

[blackpudd1n]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

 

It's pretty much the way I live my life, what AKR said.

 

Don't like it? Change it. Can't change it? Find a way, or change your perspective, to accept it. Situation can be changed, but would require many smaller steps over a period of time? Okay, get busy doing them, it'll make the situation easier to bear.

 

Life will always suck at some point. And to be honest, I don't really mind that much when it does. It helps me to appreciate any good thing during the suckful time, and appreciate the good times more. I appreciate my life. I may not have much compared to many others, but what I do have makes me feel so damn rich. And I thank bipolar for showing me what's really important in life.

[3DollarBill]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

 

I'd rather be a hobo than an inmate, would rather be sick than brainwashed. Fuck heaven.

[Guest Valk0010]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

 

I'd rather be a hobo than an inmate, would rather be sick than brainwashed. Fuck heaven.

Well things are probably going comparatively better for you at the moment. So yes I would rather be a inmate or brainwashed.

[Guest Valk0010]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

 

It's pretty much the way I live my life, what AKR said.

 

Don't like it? Change it. Can't change it? Find a way, or change your perspective, to accept it. Situation can be changed, but would require many smaller steps over a period of time? Okay, get busy doing them, it'll make the situation easier to bear.

 

Sounds easy, untill your just spinning your wheels going nowhere at all. I feel like I am spinning my wheels getting nowhere.

 

And yes I am bitching and moaning I know.

[TrueFreedom]

I would rather be a inmate or brainwashed.

 

So join a cult. Maybe they can meet your needs for a while.

[Chikirin]

 

 

Yesterday my son (7) ran into the house crying because my daughter (9) was throwing dog poo at him. Fuck they're so stupid.

 

At least when you are an old man, you'll have children to take care of you! As a non-dad, I often wonder who will take care of me when I'm old.

[blackpudd1n]

What would be so great about heaven, anyway? Life is about the journey. You need to find things in life that you enjoy doing. Go do new things until you find something. If you don't like your job; get a new job. If you don't like where you live - move. Just change your perspective because what you're doing now clearly is not working. Fuck heaven. It actually sounded really boring anyway.

Ohh the idealism, got to love it.

 

It's pretty much the way I live my life, what AKR said.

 

Don't like it? Change it. Can't change it? Find a way, or change your perspective, to accept it. Situation can be changed, but would require many smaller steps over a period of time? Okay, get busy doing them, it'll make the situation easier to bear.

 

Sounds easy, untill your just spinning your wheels going nowhere at all. I feel like I am spinning my wheels getting nowhere.

 

And yes I am bitching and moaning I know.

 

I know, Valk. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is against you and everyone in it hates you. Sometimes the only thing to do is pull the covers over your head and stay in bed, and tell the world to fuck off. But only ever for a couple of days. When life sucks hard, the only thing you need to remember how to do is get up each day. You just keep getting up, and eventually, things start happening for you.

[Guest Valk0010]

I would rather be a inmate or brainwashed.

 

So join a cult. Maybe they can meet your needs for a while.

Unless there is one that provides for a quite a few material needs, not sure that would do.

[Guest Valk0010]

Has anybody besides me ever notice, that there seems to be a correlation between economic status and religious belief. The poorer you are, the more typically you are religious? I see why.

[blackpudd1n]

Has anybody besides me ever notice, that there seems to be a correlation between economic status and religious belief. The poorer you are, the more typically you are religious? I see why.

 

I think religion has the effect of keeping people poor, or in bad circumstances, as a result of the learned self-imposed helplessness. The religious wait on god, instead of taking action.

[freeasabird]

This song came across Pandora during my lunchtime run and I thought it felt appropriate to the discussion. Interestingly, watching the video for me is both saddening and joyful at the same time.

 

[3DollarBill]

Well things are probably going comparatively better for you at the moment. So yes I would rather be a inmate or brainwashed.

Probably. I was a wreck just a few months ago though, and it's taking some serious effort to snap out of it. Don't give up.

[midniterider]

Everyone's looking forward to something. I can't get myself to look forward to anything. I feel like such a non-participant. Heaven was such an awesome thing to look forward to. Nothing can match that.

 

What now? Waiting to get old and have my kids come visit me at the nursing home? Oh gawd, get me a rope.

 

One major problem with xianity is denying the happiness of right now. It is ingrained in our culture as well. "I will be happy when ____________ (something happens). But never will I be happy in the present moment." Happiness is always reserved for a future moment that never comes because people are programmed that way.

 

Never mind that right now I am enjoying a delicious cup of coffee. Right now I live in comfort. I have plenty of food. I am healthy. I have fast internet. Thoughts can make your day or destroy your day.

 

Is happiness a thought or an experience?

[Positivist]

Don't like it? Change it. Can't change it? Find a way, or change your perspective, to accept it. Situation can be changed, but would require many smaller steps over a period of time? Okay, get busy doing them, it'll make the situation easier to bear.

Gawd, Pudd. I love your pragmatism! What you say is so true. One year ago I was really in a funk and spinning my wheels. There were things in my life I was not happy with--some I can change, some I cannot. I found this site: http://d2bb.org/ and it helped me to prioritize what I want to change in my life. I took deliberate steps, focusing on one thing at a time.

 

There is a time to moan, that's for sure, but at some point we should probably engage with what's not sitting right. If we're in the "precontemplation" phase, likely it's not going to work.

 

[Margee]

 

 

Is happiness a thought or an experience?

 

This is good! I'm going to think about this........

[midniterider]

Is happiness a thought or an experience?

 

This is good! I'm going to think about this........

 

Not that there's only two choices, mind you. :-)

[asanerman]

Ok, I found one:

 

Looking forward to my kids moving out. Not likely in the next 10 years but eventually it will come.

 

I am not free. Have to feed them and clean up after them, morning to night, day after day. I cannot do what I want. I have to do what a parent has to do.

 

School ends next week. Kids will be bored, will want to go to the park, to the beach, to here, to there. It's all about kids, always about kids, doing kid stuff for kids, kids, kids.

 

Wife: "Why don't you bring them visit your family up north for a week like you did last year?" Six hours in the car with them, no thank you. I'll probably drive off a bridge "by accident."

 

Wife: "Why don't you plan a nice trip down south, just the four of us?" I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A TRIP WITH THEM!!

 

Impolite, dirty, stinky, rude, ungrateful spoiled brats.

 

I booked summer camp for them three weeks in August. Cost $980

 

I love my kids but I want them out of my house. It's not even MY house, it's their house. My stuff is their stuff. My food is their food. My yard is their yard.

 

Kids birthday parties: I'm sick of them.

 

Go to facebook: photos of kids.

 

Got an advertisement this week in the mail: "Don't You Want What's Best For Your Kids?" with big photo of huge-eyed baby. Buuawrk, I almost barfed.

 

Yesterday my son (7) ran into the house crying because my daughter (9) was throwing dog poo at him. Fuck they're so stupid.

 

It sounds like we tread similar terrain! Some call it burnout, others call it despair, depression. However you chose to label it, the bottom line for me is, that when your "there," there is no human vitality to be found. Hope and love are amiss.

 

But hell, this isn't t something you haven’t already heard, thought or felt, ad nauseam.

 

I was 43 years young before I was made aware of the issue--my father's death being the occasion for having my (chemistry) checked by a competent physician to insure me that my hardware was operational. Consequently I briefly took medication which stabilized me.

 

My depression was situational and what the medication did was to give my brain the "break" it needed to recover it's vitality. Something I could not muster on my own. Coupled with psychotherapy, (not that much different that what has be shared in this thread) I respond well. I was taught coping skills of which over the years have become traits that I practice without thought.

 

Rather than seeing my depression as a destructive flaw, I view it as an early warning signal that I'm not "dancing to the beat of my own drum" but am listening too intensely to the drum beat of those all around me. Other times its a simple signal that I need to stop, look and listen to what my life is saying. Other times its a signal that I need rest. When I become dis-easy I listen to what my body and mind are saying. I only learned that "way" of being after slapping myself around over the years.

 

For me being sad, or down, or blue, is not despair or depression, although these may be its symptoms. They are not what, I think, Andrew Solomon calls the Noonday Demon. What Krista Tippett calls "that sense of not being able to remember ever knowing love or hope, not being able to imagine ever experiencing them again." It's not so much about having loss faith, or love or hope, it's more about never experiencing them again!

 

What I taking about here is not so much about happiness as it is about not having the strength to even pull the covers over your head and die.

 

It's about loosing connection with that overarching, collectively held “truth" we call hope--the notion that if we can endure for a while longer the cherish desire of anticipation will invade us with the expectation of obtainment.

 

Like many I’m hesitant to share my reflections for fear that someone may take what I say as a prescription. This is only my narrative of my own experience with the dark face of “being pushed down into the bottomless abyss of despair and hopelessness and wanting to lay down and die--

Nothing more.

 

You owe it to yourself and to the people whose lives you touch to have "a healthy you check-up."

 

If I am speaking “out of school,” as I notoriously do, forgive me.

[Denyoz]

Study bass, once you can play well enough, study piano, then trumpet, then tenor saxophone...

 

How did you know I loved bass? And I did study piano. This reminds me of this song I created a couple months ago: I Don't Know - by Denyoz