Depressed...

[openpalm45]

Depression is the most awful feeling. I am fairly sure it is more common in people who are Christian or have been Christian.

 

Here is an online resource that may help you. It is run by the Australian National University, which is one of the most prestigious universities in Australia (government uni). It is called the Mood Gym and is a training program for preventing and coping with depression.

 

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

 

Things do get better over time.

Thanks! Ill have a look at the site.

I dont know what I would do without you guys Legion.

 

Fixed that for you OpenPalm.

 

I think in the end you'll see that you only need to find your own inner voice.

 

Follow your passions brave one! Find the questions at the core of your being. They will become your journey.

Haha.. Thanks Legion. I think I need to do some soul searching. Stupid fucking bible and christian bullshit ruining my perfectly good mind and heart. Roooooaar. lol. Had a mini vent.

[Legion]

We met a girl named OpenPalm.

She said she'd lost her way.

So we made ourselves into balm,

to help her through the day.

[mcdaddy]

Btw Palm, are there any killer star gazing spots up there in the NWA? Few things I dig more than that. I'd live to find a great dark spot up there and look out at the last 14 billion years.

[openpalm45]

Btw Palm, are there any killer star gazing spots up there in the NWA? Few things I dig more than that. I'd live to find a great dark spot up there and look out at the last 14 billion years.

Man, when I lived in Berryville/Eureka Springs, I had a GREAT place for star gazing. I havent found any good places in fayetteville though. Too much light. You're right though... I love it. I havent done it in a while. I'll have to do it soon! Ill try to find a good spot. Are there any good places in your area?

[mcdaddy]

I'm in north little rock, by a bunch of car dealerships by the highway so it's SHOT. gets better as you get out towards Cabot tho but I'm sure it's still got nothing on being up in the 'Zarks!

[Positivist]

Hey OP. I really feel for you. You are a woman of worth and you have a lot going for you.

 

I hope I am not being inappropriate here but have you considered seeing your physician about antidepressants? Depression is a physiological condition that extends beyond merely feeling sad; depression is a physical condition that actually changes how you would normally think. Antidepressants help stabilize your brain while you sort the other stuff out. (And if you are already on antidepressants, perhaps you are not on the right one for you.) Again, my apologies if I am speaking inappropriately.

 

You have been through a huge upheaval with your loss of faith. Gawd, that is no picnic. Us sensitive folks can be hit very hard with this. Our identity has been torn away by the harsh reality that we are alone in this life and on this moldy planet called earth. Our worldview has crumbled. Research has shown that losing faith is a catastrophic event that is very hard on people to whom it happens.

 

There is an excellent book I often recommend to people. It sits on my bookshelf, too. It's called The Feeling Good Handbook, by a clinical psychologist who specializes in depression and anxiety. Basically, he helps people change how they think so they can cope better. It's helped me a lot too--I tend towards catastrophic thinking and am extremely self-deprecating. It is very good, and it is on the bookshelves of most clinicians and medical professionals. Here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

 

It saddens me to see you struggle and to see you in such a slump. These should be the best years of your life! If there's anything I can do to help you re-claim your life, please message me.

 

Peace. Hugs!

[Guest Valk0010]

Yeah deconverting can be hell. It fucked up my first year of college so bad, I got C's the whole year.

[openpalm45]

Hey OP. I really feel for you. You are a woman of worth and you have a lot going for you.

 

I hope I am not being inappropriate here but have you considered seeing your physician about antidepressants? Depression is a physiological condition that extends beyond merely feeling sad; depression is a physical condition that actually changes how you would normally think. Antidepressants help stabilize your brain while you sort the other stuff out. (And if you are already on antidepressants, perhaps you are not on the right one for you.) Again, my apologies if I am speaking inappropriately.

 

You have been through a huge upheaval with your loss of faith. Gawd, that is no picnic. Us sensitive folks can be hit very hard with this. Our identity has been torn away by the harsh reality that we are alone in this life and on this moldy planet called earth. Our worldview has crumbled. Research has shown that losing faith is a catastrophic event that is very hard on people to whom it happens.

 

There is an excellent book I often recommend to people. It sits on my bookshelf, too. It's called The Feeling Good Handbook, by a clinical psychologist who specializes in depression and anxiety. Basically, he helps people change how they think so they can cope better. It's helped me a lot too--I tend towards catastrophic thinking and am extremely self-deprecating. It is very good, and it is on the bookshelves of most clinicians and medical professionals. Here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.co...s/dp/0452281326

 

It saddens me to see you struggle and to see you in such a slump. These should be the best years of your life! If there's anything I can do to help you re-claim your life, please message me.

 

Peace. Hugs!

Thanks Positivist!

Yes, I have considered going on anti depressants, but I am just a "fix it yourself" kind of person. I have been so low that I am a lot more open to it though, and I realize that it could be chemical. BUT I have been waiting for my circumstances to change, to see if maybe that will help. The idea of being on medication kind of scares me. But I have heard lots of success stories, with antidepressants.. so.. I am open. Just not at this point right now. We'll see.

Ill definitely look into that book, too! Thanks!

And thanks for your kind post.

[♦ ficino ♦]

Hi Open Palm, a big hug from me, too . (I'm so tech challenged I can't even find the right emoticon.) So I'll try to draw one:

 

( (: )

 

Maya just came in here so she sends purrs and nuzzles.

 

I agree with Legion about the abyss, and agree with what everyone has said above. I am so envious of your youth! You have a life to look forward to of meeting people and contributing to the world. In traditional societies, people don't construct their identities. They pretty much have them handed to them. Especially if they are women - married off in one's teens, frequently, facing a string of pregnancies... Not that such a life isn't fulfilling, but much of it is ready-made.

 

But the literature that comes out of such environments is so often about breaking away from the village and extended family to find freedom. the openness of constructing your identity is an exciting venture - an adventure! Lots of people and things will come your way as you go along, and you'll sift them and incorporate some.

 

If you are able to do some reading and investigating, you may appreciate developing some acquaintance with philosophy. Sartre's novel, Nausea, comes to mind - at least, it looks into the abyss!

 

Fish oil, by the way, is supposed to help against depression. I think you are right, though, to realize that changing your situation and developing a sense of who you are represent key steps. It's great that you're working on the changeable stuff already. Putting together your adult self will take decades, so strap yourself into the driver's seat for that ride.

 

Rock on,

 

Later, F

[Legion]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

[openpalm45]

Hi Open Palm, a big hug from me, too . (I'm so tech challenged I can't even find the right emoticon.) So I'll try to draw one:

 

( (: )

 

Maya just came in here so she sends purrs and nuzzles.

 

I agree with Legion about the abyss, and agree with what everyone has said above. I am so envious of your youth! You have a life to look forward to of meeting people and contributing to the world. In traditional societies, people don't construct their identities. They pretty much have them handed to them. Especially if they are women - married off in one's teens, frequently, facing a string of pregnancies... Not that such a life isn't fulfilling, but much of it is ready-made.

 

But the literature that comes out of such environments is so often about breaking away from the village and extended family to find freedom. the openness of constructing your identity is an exciting venture - an adventure! Lots of people and things will come your way as you go along, and you'll sift them and incorporate some.

 

If you are able to do some reading and investigating, you may appreciate developing some acquaintance with philosophy. Sartre's novel, Nausea, comes to mind - at least, it looks into the abyss!

 

Fish oil, by the way, is supposed to help against depression. I think you are right, though, to realize that changing your situation and developing a sense of who you are represent key steps. It's great that you're working on the changeable stuff already. Putting together your adult self will take decades, so strap yourself into the driver's seat for that ride.

 

Rock on,

 

Later, F

Thanks so much, Ficino. I appreciate what you had to say. Ill be thinking of it. I know I am lucky to be able to choose my own life and identity, but it can also be really scary and daunting. Hearing all of your advice and thoughts is incredibly helpful though. Ill look into that book by Sartre for sure!

[openpalm45]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

Haha.. Well, I definitely love dancing! Ill make sure to do it today! Just wish I had someone to dance with!

[Legion]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

Haha.. Well, I definitely love dancing! Ill make sure to do it today! Just wish I had someone to dance with!

 

We'll be dancing with you. You wait and see. I can almost feel it.

 

You'll still be kinda blue when you put the music on. And perhaps at first you'll have to MAKE your body do a few moves. And then you'll smile, and then your body and you will be one. By the end of the song, your body will want to make YOU move.

[openpalm45]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

Haha.. Well, I definitely love dancing! Ill make sure to do it today! Just wish I had someone to dance with!

 

We'll be dancing with you. You wait and see. I can almost feel it.

 

You'll still be kinda blue when you put the music on. And perhaps at first you'll have to MAKE your body do a few moves. And then you'll smile, and then your body and you will be one. By the end of the song, your body will want to make YOU move.

 

Sounds good..

You know, before I got super into christianity, I used to be so different than I am now. So much more free. I remember one night, it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and I couldnt sleep. I went to the local university to go for a walk. After about 15 minutes or so, I came to a place where there were sprinklers on. I danced in the sprinklers. Then I decided that my shirt was inhibiting me, so I took it off, and I danced in the sprinklers topless, alone, at 3 in the morning.

This is the girl that religion suffocated. This is the girl I am trying to get back.

[Legion]

You know, before I got super into christianity, I used to be so different than I am now. So much more free. I remember one night, it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and I couldnt sleep. I went to the local university to go for a walk. After about 15 minutes or so, I came to a place where there were sprinklers on. I danced in the sprinklers. Then I decided that my shirt was inhibiting me, so I took it off, and I danced in the sprinklers topless, alone, at 3 in the morning.

 

This is the girl that religion suffocated. This is the girl I am trying to get back.

 

 

And you will. I just know it. That sort of inner fire cannot be completely quenched. It's still there, smoldering and waiting to be relit.

[♦ ficino ♦]

Thanks so much, Ficino. I appreciate what you had to say. Ill be thinking of it. I know I am lucky to be able to choose my own life and identity, but it can also be really scary and daunting. Hearing all of your advice and thoughts is incredibly helpful though. Ill look into that book by Sartre for sure!

 

Well, I just mentioned Nausea because your OP reminded me... it's rather dark, and Sartre was pretty conceited, but still, I think it's good for digging into the depths of oneself when one sees that identities handed on a platter don't work.

 

I forget what your longer term residence plans are, but maybe also you need to get the hell out of where you are? I mean Arkansas as well as the house. I grew up in suburban NJ, which wasn't bad, but even so I yearned to get to New York, and when I did, I was able to put together my "self". People I met were diverse enough to provide the stimulus that helped me get out of the fundy mold I'd taken on years before to try to get an identity. I don't know anything about your town, but I'm wondering whether it's hard to be a freethinking woman there because of community assumptions about Christianity. I realize there is diversity everywhere, but matters of degree are important, esp. when you're starting out.

[♦ ficino ♦]

This is the girl that religion suffocated. This is the girl I am trying to get back.

 

Love it!

[openpalm45]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

Haha.. Well, I definitely love dancing! Ill make sure to do it today! Just wish I had someone to dance with!

 

We'll be dancing with you. You wait and see. I can almost feel it.

 

You'll still be kinda blue when you put the music on. And perhaps at first you'll have to MAKE your body do a few moves. And then you'll smile, and then your body and you will be one. By the end of the song, your body will want to make YOU move.

 

Sounds good..

You know, before I got super into christianity, I used to be so different than I am now. So much more free. I remember one night, it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and I couldnt sleep. I went to the local university to go for a walk. After about 15 minutes or so, I came to a place where there were sprinklers on. I danced in the sprinklers. Then I decided that my shirt was inhibiting me, so I took it off, and I danced in the sprinklers topless, alone, at 3 in the morning.

This is the girl that religion suffocated. This is the girl I am trying to get back.

 

OP,

 

Ever try to go to a clothing optional resort? Not a place of wild orgies or anything like that. They have them in Florida and California. http://calienteresorts.com/ You can be as free as you want. If you haven't, you can plan and save up.

Oh man.. It certainly is an interesting idea!

[openpalm45]

Thanks so much, Ficino. I appreciate what you had to say. Ill be thinking of it. I know I am lucky to be able to choose my own life and identity, but it can also be really scary and daunting. Hearing all of your advice and thoughts is incredibly helpful though. Ill look into that book by Sartre for sure!

 

Well, I just mentioned Nausea because your OP reminded me... it's rather dark, and Sartre was pretty conceited, but still, I think it's good for digging into the depths of oneself when one sees that identities handed on a platter don't work.

 

I forget what your longer term residence plans are, but maybe also you need to get the hell out of where you are? I mean Arkansas as well as the house. I grew up in suburban NJ, which wasn't bad, but even so I yearned to get to New York, and when I did, I was able to put together my "self". People I met were diverse enough to provide the stimulus that helped me get out of the fundy mold I'd taken on years before to try to get an identity. I don't know anything about your town, but I'm wondering whether it's hard to be a freethinking woman there because of community assumptions about Christianity. I realize there is diversity everywhere, but matters of degree are important, esp. when you're starting out.

Thats what I have been trying to do for over a year now, but I was in a car accident and have been going to physical therapy and dealing with the legal issues of the settlement. It is winding down now, so I will be able to continue on with my plans, hopefully in the next 2-4 months, which is to go to France. I know I need to get away from here. Hopefully I will soon! Ill be living with some friends soon, until I leave for france, and that will be good as well.

And, way to go, for getting to new york! Im glad it has gone well for you!

[atkegar]

Hi Open Palm,...

 

I agree with Legion...

 

You see there? If Ficino agrees, then it's gots to be right.

 

 

I hope you will find the time to dance today.

Haha.. Well, I definitely love dancing! Ill make sure to do it today! Just wish I had someone to dance with!

 

We'll be dancing with you. You wait and see. I can almost feel it.

 

You'll still be kinda blue when you put the music on. And perhaps at first you'll have to MAKE your body do a few moves. And then you'll smile, and then your body and you will be one. By the end of the song, your body will want to make YOU move.

 

Sounds good..

You know, before I got super into christianity, I used to be so different than I am now. So much more free. I remember one night, it was like 3 or 4 in the morning and I couldnt sleep. I went to the local university to go for a walk. After about 15 minutes or so, I came to a place where there were sprinklers on. I danced in the sprinklers. Then I decided that my shirt was inhibiting me, so I took it off, and I danced in the sprinklers topless, alone, at 3 in the morning.

This is the girl that religion suffocated. This is the girl I am trying to get back.

 

I hope you suceed in getting that girl back too. Good luck.

[TrueFreedom]

I always struggled with depression, but it certainly reached a head during my deconversion, when I spent years feeling like I had nobody to talk to, including my close friends, wife and family. I'm sure that you will reach a happy place eventually, and you will have plenty to offer other open palms!

[Positivist]

I always struggled with depression, but it certainly reached a head during my deconversion...

Me too; I almost came undone during my deconversion, as everything came to a head at once. It was awful. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I medicated to get back on my feet. I feel so much better now. Gawd. It's rough tho, but it's so much better on this side!