Who Do You Thank

[godlessgrrl]

People I'd thank, in chronological order of their impact on my apostasy:

 

1. My mother. It was under her influence that I first converted at the tender age of 16; later she and I attended church and Bible study together, and were baptised (full immersion) together. But she got the doubt snowball rolling after my beloved grandmother died, by sadly telling me that if my grandmother hadn't accepted Jesus, the Bible said she was in hell. Something deep in my gut, knowing what a loving person my grandmother had been, quietly said, "Well that just ain't right!" And it was all downhill from there.

 

2. My best friend J. and the women of the pagan circle at the state women's prison. Those gals held a Beltane circle that was probably one of the best and brightest religious ceremonies I've ever been to in my life. No Christian ritual, service, or ceremony ever held a candle to the sheer exuberant joy and love in that pagan circle that day, perhaps in part because the inmates had to fight so hard to put it together. Their staunchest opponent was the bullnecked, well-fed prison chaplain, who spent no small portion of his time thwarting the pagan circle wherever he could get away with it. He was determined that the only religion allowed at his prison was Christianity - and he failed. He was present at the Beltane circle as part of the prison staff, and I will never in my life forget the look of sheer disgust he wore on his Falwell-like face.

 

3. The Notorious Bible-Thumping Ex (NBTX). When a man of my dreams turned out to be a manipulative, sex-fearing, woman-hating, judgmental, pathological liar, and justified it with the words of the Bible and the doctrines of his church community, and had the full support of his friends, family, church, and deity to be that way, well - I decided that if being a Christian meant I had to be like him, I'd rather go to hell.

 

I wasn't afraid of hell anymore after that; without the threat of hellfire over my head, I suppose my apostasy began in earnest, because I wasn't afraid to ditch Christianity anymore.

 

There were plenty of other factors in my deconversion, but those are some people I'd thank for their crucial role in the process.