I Broke Free Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Hi Paul, Your sister-in-law is mired is some kind of sin, probably sexual. She is unable to feel clean and worthy of god’s love. She wants desperately to prove to god that she is a worthy follower of Christ but inside she knows she is failing. No one but she can see or witness this secret sin, no one is condemning her for it, and this makes her feel all the more guilty. She lashes out at your wife and your family in a desperate attempt to show god that she at least looks better in comparison to you and your wife. God never praises her efforts in such a way that she gets any confirmation or relief, so the abuse continues. Why do I believe this is the case, because I have been your sister-in-law in the past? Feel pity for her, but let your wife know that you will not allow this abuse to continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 This is exactly the sort of thing I'm looking for. I'm not that interested in changing the mind of sister-in-law. The real issue is the fact that she will use religion to manipulate mother-in-law and turn her against my wife. Mother-in-law is a for-Jebus Christian, but she is more liberal and moderate. By citing these quotes, my wife can effectively demonstrate, from a religious context, that she has done no wrong and that Jeanine is the one in the wrong. I look at it as taking her own weapon and turning it against her. After all, we all know that the bible is a double-edged sword that can easily be turned against the attacker, thanks in part to the fact that it's so poorly written and ambiguous. Sadly, I can tell you that if you choose to go this path that it rarely, if ever, goes well and is often more trouble than it is worth. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsy79 Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 The woman isn't coming from a Christian perspective. She's certifiably insane. A self centered and manipulative bitch with a capital C. No sane person should even acknowledge her existence, much less defend themselves to her. Write it off and let the chips fall where they may. I completely agree. And if the MIL can't see that her daughter is insane, oh well, then maybe she is too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I agree with a lot of people here. It sounds like this has very little to do with religion at all. It's about your SIL trying to get everyone to do things her way. I mean freaking out of thank you notes and wedding presents? I haven't sent Christmas or birthday card to a relative for probably more than a dozen years. My family has cut ties with most of my dad's side, and haven't talked my mom's brother more than 3 or 4 times in the last 10 years because his wife is similar to your SIL. My mother has had plenty of experiences very similar to the one you are having. Up until two years or so ago, I as well as my parents lived in the same town as most of my dad's side of the family, and hardly ever saw them. One week after we moved half way across the country on of my dad's brothers died, and his family got very angry when he told them he couldn't make it to the funeral, even though my dad had not seen this brother in more than 25 years. I don't think I ever met the guy. We haven't talked to them since, and we get along just fine. I really don't think your wife should waste her time, speaking from personal experience as unless your SIL grows up as long as she is in your life it will be one drama after another. Even if your wife sorts this one, in a week or 6 months some other thing will set your SIL off and you will have to go through it all again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulQ Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Just an update on this, all is well with our relationship with MIL. It didn't take much for my wife to demonstrate the true nature of her sister, and MIL understands completely why my wife wants to simply cut all ties with her sister and have nothing to do with her. She's filing all the scripture references here in case of a future conflict; we're concerned that if my wife's sister's marriage fails, she'd move back in with mother-in-law. I'm making plans for a new career move that will have us move a good distance away from the area, hopefully before that would happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker630 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I'm making plans for a new career move that will have us move a good distance away from the area, hopefully before that would happen. Good move. Living too damned close to my in-laws caused problems for me too. Just not as severe as in your case, but troublesome all the same. My MIL in particular had too much influence over my kids because of the proximity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Light_of_Reason Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 The other posters and friends who have said this is not about religion, but is using religion as a weapon are 100% correct. SIL feels entitled to something, thus her list of grievances. 1. The wedding gift. A $50 gift and $50 is a pretty darn good gift. Period. It is even better than an eloped couple should expect. 2. I didn't even send a birth announcement for my son. Waste of time. I don't need to be patted on the back for making a kid. And no one should need to be thanked for sending such an announcement. The most they should expect is a heartfelt congratulations. 3. Who among us has not forgotten to wish someone a happy birthday? SIL needs to grow up. All that said, the religion issue is not an issue. A bit of research is all it takes to use religion effectively as a counter-weapon against religion. Glad cutting ties seems to be going smoothly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 When I need a Dominatrix to flog me for "being bad", I now know who to call. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 It sounds to me like your SIL is being selfish by demanding things of your sister that are not in her character. Moreover, she's playing the "we're not friends anymore" card. I would say that if someone played that card, then avoid them entirely. It's not worth the hassle. You surely have other relatives who are sane, or at least less insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The other posters and friends who have said this is not about religion, but is using religion as a weapon are 100% correct. SIL feels entitled to something, thus her list of grievances. 1. The wedding gift. A $50 gift and $50 is a pretty darn good gift. Period. It is even better than an eloped couple should expect. 2. I didn't even send a birth announcement for my son. Waste of time. I don't need to be patted on the back for making a kid. And no one should need to be thanked for sending such an announcement. The most they should expect is a heartfelt congratulations. 3. Who among us has not forgotten to wish someone a happy birthday? SIL needs to grow up. All that said, the religion issue is not an issue. A bit of research is all it takes to use religion effectively as a counter-weapon against religion. Glad cutting ties seems to be going smoothly. It's a recession, $50 is a pretty dang good gift during a recession. Unless of course, you're millionaires. But for the average person, that's a pretty good gift. Why would she expect anything more? It sounds to me like she might be using this as a means to guilt your sister into giving her more stuff. Not a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilaMae Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I feel so sorry for your wife, because she has a money-whore for a sister. She said that "Sally" is not a Christian because her life apparently doesn't demonstrate it. Well, "Jeanine" certainly doesn't. I don't believe Jesus ever said "Love your family, unless they give you only $100 worth of wedding gifts, because that isn't enough dosh for a Christian". He actually tells the rich to give AWAY all their wealth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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