"you'll Like Them Once You Have Them!"

[Trike]

"Societal Message"? Not at all, I've lived my entire life in Christian churches where singleness was viewed as a curse (and marriage=children). And I now attend a Christian college where the motto is "Ring by Spring or your money back" where everyone can't wait to get married and have kids. My best friend here had some dude her first year bitch her out b/c she said she didn't foresee her having kids in the near future. And I've had some very good experiences with kids, I loved teaching Sunday School to four and five year olds, mostly because they had the coolest toys. But I was always immensely relieved that that only went for around 3 hours once a week.

 

I'm not saying I will never change my mind, I'm only 22. It's just that lately I have been feeling more and more pressure and people's disapproval about my dislike of kids. It's bad enough in some people's minds at my school that I have been dating a guy for over a year and we still do not have any plans to marry and that I am a non-MRS degree-seeker dating an engineering student .

[♦ Fuego ♦]

My best friend here had some dude her first year bitch her out b/c she said she didn't foresee her having kids in the near future.

 

A good response to that is "Die you miserable son of a bitch! Who the hell are you to lecture me about sex, marriage and kids? If this is your way of hitting on me - it ain't working!"

 

I'm not saying I will never change my mind, I'm only 22. It's just that lately I have been feeling more and more pressure and people's disapproval about my dislike of kids. It's bad enough in some people's minds at my school that I have been dating a guy for over a year and we still do not have any plans to marry and that I am a non-MRS degree-seeker dating an engineering student .

 

Criminy, you've just begun to spread your wings of adult life. There is no hurry to start a family unless you really want to. I am watching one of the Russian girls I know go through this same issue. Her church wants all the women to be passive baby machines, but this young women is 4.0 GPA, multiple scholarships, multiligual, and really personable. She could be working for a diplomat or some other job where she could have influence or real money, but because of her church and mother's influence she has been taught not to dream big or try to find a job and live on her own. She is expected to get married and have kids. What a loss! We have tried to be as strong of an influence on her and her siblings as we can, but she is scheduled for marriage this spring.

[Vigile]

I'm not saying I will never change my mind, I'm only 22. It's just that lately I have been feeling more and more pressure and people's disapproval about my dislike of kids. It's bad enough in some people's minds at my school that I have been dating a guy for over a year and we still do not have any plans to marry and that I am a non-MRS degree-seeker dating an engineering student tongue.gif .

 

I'm now 42 and have no desire for children. When I was 22 I had a fairly strong desire for it. I had dreams of influencing the next generation, blah, blah, blah...

 

I don't know if it's an age thing since there are those like you who know very young. I do think that I've lived past my era of potential patience. I have very little patience for childish behavior at my age and considering my grandfather, who I happen to be a lot a like, I see this crustyness getting more exaggerated over the coming years. I like my freedom and don't intend to give it up for someone I've never met.

[woodsmoke]

I like my freedom and don't intend to give it up for someone I've never met.

So totally sigged.

[sarahgrace]

Ugh, I hate that whole smug "you'll change your mind!!" attitude. I am another who is completely disinterested in procreating. I have no desire to have children of my own, I don't think I am cut out for parenting, and I don't really like kids in general. I have had plenty of good experiences with kids, and some of my friends have kids that I enjoy hanging out with from time to time... I am very comfortable with the idea of childbirth (I was holding my friend's hand when she delivered her baby) and yet so many people seem to think that my feelings about procreating are based on ignorance or fear. It drives me nuts.

 

I just don't want children. It's not like the planet needs me to pop one out. The universe will not lose its equilibrium if I opt out of parenthood.

 

Another thing that gets me is that people seem to assume that because I don't want kids, that automatically means that I think that NOBODY should have kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. By all means, have babies. Love them. I am sure they will be adorable, and hopefully they will grow into positive contributors to society. I just opt to not follow suit.

 

It also really burns me when people insinuate that I am missing an essential part of womanhood by not having children... it's as if my identity is incomplete or something. What a load of bollocks.

[OpheliaGinger]

I decided when I married my first husband that I would not have children after I heard him say that if he ever had a child that had a deformity or mental illness, he would not want to raise them. I knew if I ever had a child, no matter what problems they had I would never give them up. I have never regretted that decision but years later, when we divorced he let me know that he felt I forced him to be childless and he was very angry about it.

 

I had a serious boyfriend that wanted to get married and have kids right away, but I knew when I asked him questions about possibilities (deformities, retardation, etc.) and he refused to acknowledge them as possibilities, he was not ready to be a father. He was also one messed up mofo that idolized Manson and Hitler, so needless to say, we didn't last.

[WCrystal]

I've gotten similar phrases given to me when I say "I DON'T want kids. EVER." Then comes the "...but why?"

 

And then I get the crazed and shocked looks when I tell folks I have no maternal instinct that goes beyond animals. And then more "...but why?" questions.

 

Which is when I just say "Leave me alone" and walk away.

[Naughtyhamster]

Unfortunately, the side effect is that the intellectuals aren't reproducing nearly enough in proportion to the stupid people keep pumping out dumb humans.

 

 

Thats why I want children so I can raise them to be smart, independent freethinkers who will outsmart all the dumb kids, and do something beneficial for society rather than spread lies and be hateful towards others like all the sheeple's kids do.

[white_raven23]

Paging WR...

 

I'm HERE!! I'm HERE!! I sensed a disturbance in the force!!!

 

The biggest problem with the retarded argument: "You'll Like them Once You Have Them"

 

Is this....

 

THERE"S NO GOING BACK!!! With many things in life...you really can "try it...see if you like it"....CAN'T do that shit with parenthood!!! There's NO fucking return policy! So you BETTER at least LEARN to like them...embrace that cognitive dissonance quick, or you might do something rash!

 

Few parents would admit to not liking their own children. It's a MAJOR social Taboo!!

 

I really HATE the "try it, you'll like it" Bullshit the KiddieKult spew out!! They really DO evangelize parenthood hard enough for their behavior to be highly suspect! As though to justify the level of sacrifice they've accepted in having their own children...they have to convince OTHERS to have them too.

 

In this day and age, parenthood really is a choice. And kudos to the people who choose that lifestyle....if only they would leave those of us who have made a DIFFERENT choice the fuck ALONE!!!

[MathGeek]

This issue of having kids fucked me up beyond repair.

 

My sister-in-law is about to deliver number four and my wife hasn't conceived in four years. If anything fucks up faith faster, it's the inability to see a pregnancy carried to full term.

 

And considering the number of miscarriages that happen every year, do anybody consider God being a proponent for life at all?

[twincats]

Nothing wrong with not liking kids, and certainly nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids yourself and to echo Amethyst wish more people would consider it.

 

I can't help but think though that you've just had bad experiences with kids, they aren't all brats you know.

 

Even the ones that aren't brats aren't angels all the time, either; they get sick, have bad days and stuff, just like everyone else. Even so, I've had lots of great experiences with kids and STILL don't want any.

 

Paging WR...

 

I'm HERE!! I'm HERE!! I sensed a disturbance in the force!!!

 

The biggest problem with the retarded argument: "You'll Like them Once You Have Them"

 

Is this....

 

THERE"S NO GOING BACK!!! With many things in life...you really can "try it...see if you like it"....CAN'T do that shit with parenthood!!! There's NO fucking return policy! So you BETTER at least LEARN to like them...embrace that cognitive dissonance quick, or you might do something rash!

 

Few parents would admit to not liking their own children. It's a MAJOR social Taboo!!

 

I really HATE the "try it, you'll like it" Bullshit the KiddieKult spew out!! They really DO evangelize parenthood hard enough for their behavior to be highly suspect! As though to justify the level of sacrifice they've accepted in having their own children...they have to convince OTHERS to have them too.

 

That's because misery loves company. Yeah, I know; people love their kids but because of the aforementioned social taboo, they can't admit to anything besides total devotion. People we love still make us miserable sometimes, don't they?

 

Of course, I also believe that folks who say they love and enjoy their kids really do; I have no reason to doubt it for the most part. But, I think at least some of us been acquainted with parents who either grit their teeth when talking about their kids or protest their love and devotion too long and hard to be believable.

 

In this day and age, parenthood really is a choice. And kudos to the people who choose that lifestyle....if only they would leave those of us who have made a DIFFERENT choice the fuck ALONE!!!

 

I don't think it's gonna happen; I thought (hoped) it would now that I'm 48. But now I'm getting the 'you're gonna regret not having kids a few years down the road' speech.

[The-Captain]

Ah I misunderstood, I read it as more of a "don't like kids", rather than a "don't want to have kids" thread.

[woodsmoke]

Eh, to be fair, it's probably a little of both. I personally like kids, but I can't eat a whole one.

[white_raven23]

Ah I misunderstood, I read it as more of a "don't like kids", rather than a "don't want to have kids" thread.

 

Ah but that is the thing! When anyone says "I don't want kids." it is common as HELL for anyone who hears the utterance to infer this also means "don't like kids" at the same time.

 

Granted, there are folks who don't like kids. There are also folks who don't like dogs, cats, or spiders; but those folks aren't treated like monsters for their dislikes. People who do not like children are treated as though they are monstrous though.

 

I have done my best to clearly define what is is I don't like...and I'm afraid most kids are blameless. Their PARENTS however... some of them I honestly and deeply dislike (this does not mean ALL parents...just the ones who really are inflicting their feral brats on society).

 

I don't like children kicking the back of my seat at movies, on airplanes, or at plays. Kids kick. I cannot accept that any parent could be ignorant of the compulsive habits of their own whelps.

 

No child under 10 (particularly infants) has any business at a rated R movie. I'm sorry the parent is so frazzled and starved for entertainment that they would succumb to inflicting their sonorous spawn upon fellow movie goers (at $10 bucks just for one ticket price), but tough shit. Get a Netflicks subscription. It's cheaper than the theater, and movies get released on DVD really fast nowadays (in fact, I've gone to this extreme myself just to happily enjoy my movie and not have to put up with you and your litter of sprog either).

 

I REALLY hate it when parents are deaf and dumb to their crotch monkeys in public. W...T...F!!! YOU brought their unkept unlearned asses out in public, and then ignore the little fucks while they rampage and pillage the snacks aisle at the grocery store? And then give them TREATS? For what? NOT raping the produce section while they were at it? The grocery store was (for me) my gateway to being allowed in public. It was where I learned appropriate behavior. It was NOT a place where my conduct was ignored! But I watch parents do it all the time.

 

And if your kids behave like barbarians at the store....why in HELL would you take them to any restaraunt where most of the food is more than $15 per plate?

 

God I LOVE to see little kids in their little suits and dresses sitting at the table, quietly munching their plates of spaghetti, and being shown the finer arts of using flatware by their attentive parents!!!! I love it!!

 

What I hate seeing is screaming brats crawling under the damned tables while Mom suggests Dad do something, and Dad pounds back his wine or beer and looks as though he wants to kill himself.

 

Want to guess which I see most often? So I can't really blame kids for having behaviors I find abhorrent and objectionable. But I can blame their parents!

 

 

And does this mean I hate kids?

 

MOST kids...thanks to their parents...yes.

 

But not ALL kids. Some of them are absolutely great. Still doesn't mean I want any.

[Comanche]

Add me to the list of people who don't like and don't want kids.

 

I get the "You'll change your mind!" (Now if you dared to say that to a pregnant person) and "It's different when it's your own!" (Hello, abused and orphaned kids left and right) crap all the time, though more usually "You're too young to know what you want!" (Ugh, I hate being a teenager...)

 

I have several reasons really - I want an actual career and a fun life, and being a dreary mundane housewife is my worst nightmare. I hate kids - sure, they're not all bratty, but I can only take even the good ones in small doses before I want to punch something. And frankly, I find babies and pregnancy disgusting. There's nothing miraculous about being able to procreate, just as there's nothing miraculous about being able to shit.

 

And why would I change my mind? I've seen the difference between people with kids and without kids. I know what I'm getting into (or more appropriately, not getting into). I may be a little young, but I'm old enough to make a decision that is best for me and my desired lifestyle.

 

 

In this day and age, parenthood really is a choice. And kudos to the people who choose that lifestyle....if only they would leave those of us who have made a DIFFERENT choice the fuck ALONE!!!

 

:ditto:

 

The WR hath spoken.

[noob]

I had a serious boyfriend that wanted to get married and have kids right away, but I knew when I asked him questions about possibilities (deformities, retardation, etc.) and he refused to acknowledge them as possibilities, he was not ready to be a father. He was also one messed up mofo that idolized Manson and Hitler, so needless to say, we didn't last.

 

Whew! OpheliaGinger, I think you are very lucky that you escaped that one!!! You must have heard a voice in your head saying, "Run, OG, run like the wind!!!"

[ClaraOlive]

I'm so glad there are other childfree people here!

 

Besides the religious aspect, this is one of the reasons that my marriage failed.

 

I said "I probably don't want ever want children, and I have no plans for having any" (I was a bit more of a fence-sitter then, but I was completely honest that kids were not in my plans), and he disregarded that because he KNEW that all women want kids and their biological clock WILL start ticking, etc.

[Naughtyhamster]

I had a serious boyfriend that wanted to get married and have kids right away, but I knew when I asked him questions about possibilities (deformities, retardation, etc.) and he refused to acknowledge them as possibilities, he was not ready to be a father. He was also one messed up mofo that idolized Manson and Hitler, so needless to say, we didn't last.

 

 

I think its normal for caring parents to be to be concerned about their future children's health, but that concern gets out of hand when they get concerned about non health attributes such as athletic ability, attractiveness, or sexual orientation.

 

I had a pregnancy scare recently( I forgot how birth control regulates a woman menstrual cycle) which made me worry as my BF had done drugs in the past, and I worried about how it affected his sperm. I've heard horror stories of guys who are ex drug addicts whose sperm is permanently fucked up and the children they bear are disabled mentally and/or physically. His medical problems right now are mostly a result of his former drug and alcohol addiction ( and also I'm nagging him about his junk food habit), but I want to be sure if we were to marry what diseases run on both sides of our family. Also there is substance abuse and mental illness in my family tree, and I've read too many sad stories of children being born with horrible physical illnesses who go on to develop mental illness and drug addictions to cope with their disability.

[Emme]

I felt my biological clock when I was 18, I really felt like I wanted a baby. Then I went to Germany and worked as an au pair. The mom gave the kids treats and chocolate every day to shut them up and never played with them. The kids were crazy, rude, violent, had no rules and they were bored. \he mom was a career woman before, but had to become a stay at home mom. She seemed miserable and did nothing but gain weight, but a good catholic should have kids apparantly. My desire to have kids changed radically.

 

I will have kids one day, if I am able, but they are to have a strict Captain von Trapp up-bringing. There is a custom here in Sweden that kids only get candy on Saturdays, and I intend to stick to it.

[Eponymic]

Once you like them...uh huh...

Ever here of shaken baby sydrome?

Parents drowning their kids?

Parents killing their kids in a myriad of other ways and trying to chalk it up to accident or illness?

 

Yeah...they certainly loved them once they had them.

 

Nothing is held true by everyone.

[mwc]

I personally like kids, but I can't eat a whole one.

Keep trying. Finish within an hour and you'll get your picture up on the wall.

 

mwc

[Naughtyhamster]

Once you like them...uh huh...

Ever here of shaken baby sydrome?

Parents drowning their kids?

Parents killing their kids in a myriad of other ways and trying to chalk it up to accident or illness?

 

 

What I hate is xtian parents who didn't supervise their little ones, then the kid gets into an accident of some sort ( mostly near drownings) and the parents explains it away as "Gawd's will".

[Robbobrob]

I have been getting the "when are you going to have a kid" ever since I got remarried......for crying out loud, I have one kid already from a previous marriage (the only thing that makes that time period not a huge waste of time).

 

Me and my bride have been giving the mantra back at them, "House first"....well, we may be close to buying a house now, so I expect the peanut gallery to start calling again.....ugh. I want a kid, but give me a break, let it be on my timetable, not theirs......grrrr.

[Eponymic]

I have been getting the "when are you going to have a kid" ever since I got remarried......

 

Frankly it's the lower IQ eschelon of societies rampant, idiotic desire to have kids that is holding back our society.

The idiots of the world are out breeding intelligent people - it's just like that movie Idiocracy with Luke Wilson.

[white_raven23]

True enough,

 

BUT!!

 

Be careful. There isn't really evidence to support intelligence as being hereditary. We can't start dabbling in amateur eugenics projects here...last folks who tried that one wore funny brown or black uniforms with red, white, and black armbands. They favored a stiff-legged march and a stiff outstretched arm salute, and from what I read, their goals were pretty bad news for some 6 million people.

 

Though intelligent people could certainly be expected to RAISE their kids intelligently and with an emphasis on the importance of developing mental skills of course. I've always been more a proponent of Nurture than Nature..though Nature probably has some extent of influence of course.

 

Still if the only examples a young girl has growing up is the Britany Spears Model...one can hardly expect she would think to aim higher all on her own.