Apathy And Frustration..a Post Holiday Cocktail

[PIRACYs LADY]

I havent read alot of his stuff but havne come accross it yet.The only thing I dont get is that you said being dealt a bad hand in life is no xcuse to rant

 

No, that's not exactly what I said. What I said was "does not give one the excuse for ranting and railing at any community member who commits the oh so horrible crime of just disagreeing with Nick." He can rant all he wants but taking out his pain on others is something else. It's harming those who didn't harm him and that's wrong.

 

Again, best of luck to both of you.

Hi There,

Awww ok, I got it that time. Thanks for claring it up for m. Best wishes.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Hi Churie. I'm glad you're feeling well enough to post again. Best wishes to you and Piracy.

Hey Threre,

Best wishs to you also. I will be posting again about my own issues s soon as this stupid cold goes away. Hope to har from you soon.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

This posibly could be true. But when someone is starting a thread and asking a spfic qusyion and their wanting an nswer or other people who have sn the same thin, and the replis he gts have nothing at all to do with what he asks.

Well, that is the nature of internet and web-forums. He either has to accept it or not use it. If you play chess, you can't suddenly say that you don't like a certain move and the opponent can't use it, just because it's not in your favor. Ever since forums started, in the 80's as what they called a BBS, topics do not always go the way the starter wanted. Of course there are limits to how far away a topic can be allowed to go, but that wasn't the case here. If someone ask a question, they also have to willing to hear the answers, and I'm afraid that's something Nick has a serious problem with. He wants to know. He asks. But if someone answers something he doesn't like, he can't take it and gets extremely upset. I think he has to learn to accept that there are other people out there who have different opinions, and not necessarily opinions he likes.

 

So on top of "your wife is going to die again statment" "A yars annivesery of or childs death, maybe just wanting a simple answer and not geting it may have ben he staraw on the camels back. ANd ys he dos for sure have a stress disorder? Let me ask you, Did he not tell you what illnesses he suffered from? Post tramadic stress tc.? Abuse? Those kinds of things?One thing is Nick will treat everyone the same moderator or normal member. I undestand all f what your saying. but now I am beggining to think he did not tell everyone what all was going on. Please let me know. Churee

I think the only thing he should do is when he doesn't get the answers he likes or when a topic goes to the sideline that he should hold back responding. He should leave the computer, take a break, and take a few breaths, count to 10 (or maybe 100), and then try his best to answer in a mild and moderated voice. I do. I do it almost all the time. I don't always get the posts I want, but I don't go off on the other person just because I'm upset or have a different view, but I calm down, write my response but delete it, and rewrite it, and then rewrite it again, until I've taken off the offensive and sharp edges. It's about control. To be able to control yourself. You need Nick to be able to do that, for your sake.

Hi There,

 

 

I was wondering if it might be possible to spak to you privatly sometime? I dont know how to do that on here yet and you understand Nick, I can tell in the ay you speak. And if you were able to gt past it maybe you could hlp me hlp him. Thanks. Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

There's something else. My grandparents got married and set up farming at the beginning of the Great Depression. My grandmother had nine pregnancies. Her first child was still-born. My father was her second child. Another child died in infancy. A third child died from lock-jaw as a two-year-old. Six children grew to adulthood and raised families. My grandparents learned how to make-do with next to nothing. My parents passed the tradition on to me.

 

I see you and Nick begging for money to buy cancer meds WHILE AT THE SAME TIME asking advice on buying a large dog. I don't understand. A large dog needs food, medication, and daily care. Not to mention several hundred to a thousand dollars to buy in the first place. If you haven't got enough money for the basic needs and health care for the human members of your family, how do you intend to provide for the needs of an animal? I might buy the occassional meal for a needy child in my hometown, but I will not buy a dog for someone else when I myself cannot afford a home large enough to accommodate a pet.

 

You think you and Nick have it tough. You have each other, three children, and a home. There's a young man on these forums who hasn't got so much as a permanent address, not to mention a flesh and blood person to call family. He's not complaining. He's seeking to understand himself and sort out his life.

 

You may want to read some of the other threads and learn about the lives of the other members on here. The Testimonies section or ExChristian Life might be good places to begin. By the way, quite a number of us have Masters degrees or other professional degrees. We've got people on here with doctorates of multiple doctorates. The people who don't have formal degrees tend to be smart enough; they just didn't have the opportunity.

 

No need to respond to this post unless you really want to. Take care of yourself and your own needs. Seems you're feeling really ill these days. All the best.

 

~Ruby

Hi There,

Yes, that while it might make me feel better to know some other people are close to death r dying on here, for the sole purpose of that they would understand some of the feelings that would go along with it, Also No,it would make me feel terrible as it always dos whn I hear of other peopls pain.You said that the post Nick and I make would drive a peson to suicide? I have never posted anything other than truth and even then in a polite manner and I try 100% to understand each prson I talk to. As far as Nick. You would have to tell me what you mean.But That hurt my feelings you would say that about me. I have never told anyone off,cussed, made fun of, or mocked anyones situation. I would never do that. I like to help people. Thats what gives me peace.I was sorry to hear about the deaths of your grandparents children, it must have been heartbreaking for them.Also, Not once EVER have I asked advice on buying a dog. I cant even affod food sometimes at this point. I was talking to Nivek and since my 13 yr. old has always wanted a cyberian husksy and he said he knew about dogs, I asked him if he knew if they were good with kids. end of story. To be honst I was asking him that question because if I fo pass away that was gona be my gift to her.But I do not intend to buy any kind of dog.You also mentioned a man on here who has no ppermanent address etc. How do I get a hold of him? Does he use the comp. from the library or whats the bst time to catch him. I would like to talk to him and help if I can. If he is close to us.You said you see me begging for money? That would not be m, that would be Nick, a person worried for the life of his loved one. I am not above begging for something, ex. if it was for my children, but please do not stand in judement when you have the facts a bit twisted.I fully intend to read the threads of the other members on here. it was only my 2nd post when this happned and to be honest this in itself showed me alot about each member. You mentioned that by the way alot of the mmbers here have a Masters degree etc. Not sure why you pointed that out. I have one too. And speak 5 lang. WHat does that have to do with anything? I treat everyone the same.Thank you for your well wish at the end but I must be honest in this post from you, you have come accross totally different than usual.I dontknow if its because its just been a bad day for you, if so Im sorry for that or if your upset at Nick.Or actually got mad at the thought of me buying a dog. WHICH I AM NOT DOING UNLESS I PASS ON AS A GIFT. PLease Ruby tell me whats wrong. I dont understand why the change?

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

It's a good point RS brings up. Churee, is Nick and you seeking to get a dog? I would recommend that you don't, considering the situation you have, and for the same reason RS mentions. If it's so hard to afford medication, a dog isn't the best thing to do. You have to be very careful not to do wasteful spending when all things go against you. I know it's easy to fall into that trap of indulgence of unnecessary spoils because of depression. Don't let it be a mistake you make. First of all the dog costs money to get, but then you have all the shots, and if you want to spay/neuter the dog, and then food, and so on... A dog is a nice addition to the family, but I don't think it's a good one in your position.

 

RS, do you have the link (or if you can find it) to where Nick is asking for advice regarding getting a dog?

Hey There,

Ruby got mixed up. I have no intention of buying a dog. All I asked Nivek was if Cyberian Huskies were good with children. Thats it. End of story. Goodness I know when I cant even afford myself at times that I certainly cant afford a dog.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

RS, do you have the link (or if you can find it) to where Nick is asking for advice regarding getting a dog?

 

 

Hello, HanSolo! I saw your question and just wanted to let you know that Nick was not asking (unless it was in another thread that I missed). If you look through this thread, you will see that Churee responded to several posts early this morning. In her response to Nivek at 4:59 a.m. today she made this comment.

Just on a side line my daughter has alays wanted a cyberian husky. Can you tell me how they do with children? my oldest is 13, middle one is 9, youngest 4.

 

I'm not sure that she meant that they were actually considering getting a dog at this point. Perhaps she just wanted to know for some time in her much brighter future!

Hey There,

Thank you so much for getting it right. I have no intention of buying a dog. I cant even support myself sometims. My daughter just has always wanted one and since Nivek knew about dogs I thought to ask him. Thats all. I also asked Nivek Because if i do pass I have talked to my parents and they will get her a dog as a gift from me. This would just be if i was to pass away. To help her not feel alone.

churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee,

 

I'm sorry to learn you haven't been feeling well, but glad you came back to let us know.

 

I think those posting to you now are trying their hardest to let you know why these continual difficulties with Piracy's attitude must be addressed if he's to have any chance at getting along with others -- and he'll need others in making his way to a better life. We all do.

Hi There,

Thanks for the concern about not feeling well. I appriciate it.I do understand why everyone is trying there hardst to post to me about Nick. I will leave the thread open and answer on it this week, then thats all. I would like to address my own issues thenm with the hope of help.Hope your new yars was a good one.I also noticed that Nick seemed to get the most reads in the ahortest amount of time. HMMM.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee,

 

I'm sorry to learn you haven't been feeling well, but glad you came back to let us know.

 

I think those posting to you now are trying their hardest to let you know why these continual difficulties with Piracy's attitude must be addressed if he's to have any chance at getting along with others -- and he'll need others in making his way to a better life. We all do.

Hi There,

Thanks for the concern about not feeling well. I appriciate it.I do understand why everyone is trying there hardst to post to me about Nick. I will leave the thread open and answer on it this week, then thats all. I would like to address my own issues thenm with the hope of help.Hope your new yars was a good one.I also noticed that Nick seemed to get the most reads in the ahortest amount of time. HMMM.

Churee

Hi There, Im sorry I do not know how to post to just everyone. I havnt learned that yet, So I just put it on the last replt I recieved. Just wanted to tell everyone Im sorry about my spelling. I keep going back and reading my post. First of all I spell terribly,2nd our spell check does not work and 3rd I never read before I send. So just a short Im sorry for the bad grammer.

Churee

[Ouroboros]

I was wondering if it might be possible to spak to you privatly sometime? I dont know how to do that on here yet and you understand Nick, I can tell in the ay you speak. And if you were able to gt past it maybe you could hlp me hlp him. Thanks. Churee

Maybe. I will take it under consideration and come back to you about it.

 

Ruby got mixed up. I have no intention of buying a dog. All I asked Nivek was if Cyberian Huskies were good with children. Thats it. End of story. Goodness I know when I cant even afford myself at times that I certainly cant afford a dog.

Phew... good. It's not that you deserve to get a dog, it would bring a lot of joy to you and your family too, but because we have dogs, and I know how it changes the situation in the family. Besides that, my understanding is that huskies are very good with children and very protective of them.

[Vigile]

Hi There, Im sorry I do not know how to post to just everyone. I havnt learned that yet, So I just put it on the last replt I recieved. Just wanted to tell everyone Im sorry about my spelling. I keep going back and reading my post. First of all I spell terribly,2nd our spell check does not work and 3rd I never read before I send. So just a short Im sorry for the bad grammer.

Churee

 

Is your native language Greek? If so, I can certainly see why you have a hard time getting every letter correct. My wife still struggles with this as well since her native alphabet is Russian Cyrillic. I too can write in Cyrillic but I guarantee I will miss a lot more letters than you do.

[R. S. Martin]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

There's something else. My grandparents got married and set up farming at the beginning of the Great Depression. My grandmother had nine pregnancies. Her first child was still-born. My father was her second child. Another child died in infancy. A third child died from lock-jaw as a two-year-old. Six children grew to adulthood and raised families. My grandparents learned how to make-do with next to nothing. My parents passed the tradition on to me.

 

I see you and Nick begging for money to buy cancer meds WHILE AT THE SAME TIME asking advice on buying a large dog. I don't understand. A large dog needs food, medication, and daily care. Not to mention several hundred to a thousand dollars to buy in the first place. If you haven't got enough money for the basic needs and health care for the human members of your family, how do you intend to provide for the needs of an animal? I might buy the occassional meal for a needy child in my hometown, but I will not buy a dog for someone else when I myself cannot afford a home large enough to accommodate a pet.

 

You think you and Nick have it tough. You have each other, three children, and a home. There's a young man on these forums who hasn't got so much as a permanent address, not to mention a flesh and blood person to call family. He's not complaining. He's seeking to understand himself and sort out his life.

 

You may want to read some of the other threads and learn about the lives of the other members on here. The Testimonies section or ExChristian Life might be good places to begin. By the way, quite a number of us have Masters degrees or other professional degrees. We've got people on here with doctorates of multiple doctorates. The people who don't have formal degrees tend to be smart enough; they just didn't have the opportunity.

 

No need to respond to this post unless you really want to. Take care of yourself and your own needs. Seems you're feeling really ill these days. All the best.

 

~Ruby

Hi There,

Yes, that while it might make me feel better to know some other people are close to death r dying on here, for the sole purpose of that they would understand some of the feelings that would go along with it, Also No,it would make me feel terrible as it always dos whn I hear of other peopls pain.You said that the post Nick and I make would drive a peson to suicide? I have never posted anything other than truth and even then in a polite manner and I try 100% to understand each prson I talk to. As far as Nick. You would have to tell me what you mean.But That hurt my feelings you would say that about me. I have never told anyone off,cussed, made fun of, or mocked anyones situation. I would never do that. I like to help people. Thats what gives me peace.I was sorry to hear about the deaths of your grandparents children, it must have been heartbreaking for them.Also, Not once EVER have I asked advice on buying a dog. I cant even affod food sometimes at this point. I was talking to Nivek and since my 13 yr. old has always wanted a cyberian husksy and he said he knew about dogs, I asked him if he knew if they were good with kids. end of story. To be honst I was asking him that question because if I fo pass away that was gona be my gift to her.But I do not intend to buy any kind of dog.You also mentioned a man on here who has no ppermanent address etc. How do I get a hold of him? Does he use the comp. from the library or whats the bst time to catch him. I would like to talk to him and help if I can. If he is close to us.You said you see me begging for money? That would not be m, that would be Nick, a person worried for the life of his loved one. I am not above begging for something, ex. if it was for my children, but please do not stand in judement when you have the facts a bit twisted.I fully intend to read the threads of the other members on here. it was only my 2nd post when this happned and to be honest this in itself showed me alot about each member. You mentioned that by the way alot of the mmbers here have a Masters degree etc. Not sure why you pointed that out. I have one too. And speak 5 lang. WHat does that have to do with anything? I treat everyone the same.Thank you for your well wish at the end but I must be honest in this post from you, you have come accross totally different than usual.I dontknow if its because its just been a bad day for you, if so Im sorry for that or if your upset at Nick.Or actually got mad at the thought of me buying a dog. WHICH I AM NOT DOING UNLESS I PASS ON AS A GIFT. PLease Ruby tell me whats wrong. I dont understand why the change?

Churee

 

I could explain my post in detail but it would do no good.

 

I follow Kevin's example and withdraw from this conversation.

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

There's something else. My grandparents got married and set up farming at the beginning of the Great Depression. My grandmother had nine pregnancies. Her first child was still-born. My father was her second child. Another child died in infancy. A third child died from lock-jaw as a two-year-old. Six children grew to adulthood and raised families. My grandparents learned how to make-do with next to nothing. My parents passed the tradition on to me.

 

I see you and Nick begging for money to buy cancer meds WHILE AT THE SAME TIME asking advice on buying a large dog. I don't understand. A large dog needs food, medication, and daily care. Not to mention several hundred to a thousand dollars to buy in the first place. If you haven't got enough money for the basic needs and health care for the human members of your family, how do you intend to provide for the needs of an animal? I might buy the occassional meal for a needy child in my hometown, but I will not buy a dog for someone else when I myself cannot afford a home large enough to accommodate a pet.

 

You think you and Nick have it tough. You have each other, three children, and a home. There's a young man on these forums who hasn't got so much as a permanent address, not to mention a flesh and blood person to call family. He's not complaining. He's seeking to understand himself and sort out his life.

 

You may want to read some of the other threads and learn about the lives of the other members on here. The Testimonies section or ExChristian Life might be good places to begin. By the way, quite a number of us have Masters degrees or other professional degrees. We've got people on here with doctorates of multiple doctorates. The people who don't have formal degrees tend to be smart enough; they just didn't have the opportunity.

 

No need to respond to this post unless you really want to. Take care of yourself and your own needs. Seems you're feeling really ill these days. All the best.

 

~Ruby

Hi There,

Yes, that while it might make me feel better to know some other people are close to death r dying on here, for the sole purpose of that they would understand some of the feelings that would go along with it, Also No,it would make me feel terrible as it always dos whn I hear of other peopls pain.You said that the post Nick and I make would drive a peson to suicide? I have never posted anything other than truth and even then in a polite manner and I try 100% to understand each prson I talk to. As far as Nick. You would have to tell me what you mean.But That hurt my feelings you would say that about me. I have never told anyone off,cussed, made fun of, or mocked anyones situation. I would never do that. I like to help people. Thats what gives me peace.I was sorry to hear about the deaths of your grandparents children, it must have been heartbreaking for them.Also, Not once EVER have I asked advice on buying a dog. I cant even affod food sometimes at this point. I was talking to Nivek and since my 13 yr. old has always wanted a cyberian husksy and he said he knew about dogs, I asked him if he knew if they were good with kids. end of story. To be honst I was asking him that question because if I fo pass away that was gona be my gift to her.But I do not intend to buy any kind of dog.You also mentioned a man on here who has no ppermanent address etc. How do I get a hold of him? Does he use the comp. from the library or whats the bst time to catch him. I would like to talk to him and help if I can. If he is close to us.You said you see me begging for money? That would not be m, that would be Nick, a person worried for the life of his loved one. I am not above begging for something, ex. if it was for my children, but please do not stand in judement when you have the facts a bit twisted.I fully intend to read the threads of the other members on here. it was only my 2nd post when this happned and to be honest this in itself showed me alot about each member. You mentioned that by the way alot of the mmbers here have a Masters degree etc. Not sure why you pointed that out. I have one too. And speak 5 lang. WHat does that have to do with anything? I treat everyone the same.Thank you for your well wish at the end but I must be honest in this post from you, you have come accross totally different than usual.I dontknow if its because its just been a bad day for you, if so Im sorry for that or if your upset at Nick.Or actually got mad at the thought of me buying a dog. WHICH I AM NOT DOING UNLESS I PASS ON AS A GIFT. PLease Ruby tell me whats wrong. I dont understand why the change?

Churee

 

I could explain my post in detail but it would do no good.

 

I follow Kevin's example and withdraw from this conversation.

Ruby

Actually I would really appricate it if you would explain in detail your post. In the entire post I wrote I never meant to offend you and I have taken some of your past advice to heart. I think you are a good person and I just didnt understand why you would have said that what I write would drive people to sucicide. So please take the time to explain what you mean. Like I said before I would never try to hurt someone, exspeicailly on purpose. I value your opinion and I would understand what your post meant if you would take the time to explain it. Nick at times is so close to suicide that I would never want to drive anyone else to feel that way. So please help me out.

Churee

[PiracyOfTheHead]

WOW!

 

This whole thing cleared up my apathy and frustration.

 

Thanks guys.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

Some had some OK advice,

 

To the rest, I choose forgiveness, understanding and love.

 

It's ok that you see so much bad in me and with me, thats your choice. I choose not to retaliate or try and make you feel bad or belittle you. Doesnt make me a saint, but it makes me feel better to do so, and its the right thing to do in my opinion.

 

I told my lady not to worry about this anymore, she put a lot of time and effort into trying to set things straight, it is unnecessary, nothing needs to be straightened out, everybody is free to their opinions and they have their freedom of speech.

[Ouroboros]

I told my lady not to worry about this anymore, she put a lot of time and effort into trying to set things straight, it is unnecessary, nothing needs to be straightened out, everybody is free to their opinions and they have their freedom of speech.

Yeah. The problem is that people are so different. You know the saying: you can't please everybody. And it's true. People have so many different views and feelings about things that sometimes it's impossible to get a group of people understand each other. Most of the time we can only try to get people to accept each others differences and be able to work together, but even that fails sometimes. But in the end, we are all different.

[PiracyOfTheHead]

I have apologized, I know its not ok to do so in pitchu's book, but thats a lose/lose scenario, I do have a lot of problems that make me act a certain way a lot of the time and I wish with all my heart it wasnt that way, more than anybody could imagine. I wish that I didnt feel these feelings or have these problems and a lot of the times it is just sheer physical pain and it skews my vision, causes me to see the world in a twisted light and I am sorry for that.

 

I have to carry the burden of making many mistakes and apologizing for them, because either I was feeling really down and took something to heart and got hurt and then said something back or when I am in physical pain and I just dont see things the way that they are, Or if i just sincerely misundrstood somethign and got defensive. I try very hard not to make them in the first place pitchu, I also could be a whole lot worse if i let everything fully overtake me at all times. Its hard for somebody to know the extent of what somebody is doing to act and be right, compared to how much worse it would be if they had no restraint at all.

 

I did not use to be this way, this has 'happened' to me, I dont like who I have become, in so many ways. As much as was said to me here on this thread alone, it doesnt compare to the things I think and say about myself most of the time. This was like pablum compared to what I can do to myself when I am beating myself up over my life.

 

I need to address one person here, one person that did so much damage in one post, abosulutely devastated Churee to read this persons comments and hurt me immensely.

 

RS MARTIN.

 

Ruby,

 

I think what you did was very wrong, extremely hurtful and heartless, I am not going to play back and forth with anybody thathas spoken here, they have said what they have needed to say, many times over. I got it.

 

I AM NOT GOING TO RETURN THE HATRED, but I will not be silent about what you did no matter what comes back at me because it was very wrong.

 

You waltzed over into this public stoning and;

 

1) Downplayed our situation based on other people having tough luck and/or being in the same boat. You made it look like it doesnt matter what's happening 'over here' because 'over there' its also happening, is that logical to you, and is that fair? Should we not have feelings or needs because were not the only ones with problems? We dont have the resources many have, all we have done has been truthful and honest with our hardships, we thought we were allowed to do that, nay ENCOURAGED to do that here?

 

You are literally making us feel guilty about being honest and truthful instead of hiding our lives away so that everybody can go on not having to READ the reality of some peoples lives...READ Ruby READ, nobody has to READ our posts, its not forced on anybody, people make the choice of reading, and thats all it is. Most people here probably watch the news and read the paper, it tells of tragedy and suffering. I guess when its right in front of you with a person/persons you can interface with it becomes a lot more real. We have nowhere to go and you are actually destroying the one place of refuge we have found by belittling the situation and telling us basically to shut up about it.

 

Ruby you dont know the half of the problems we face even if you have payed attention to our posts, you dont know the half of it, how dare you belittle it and try and squelch it while at the same time positioning yourself as some sort of advocate for the abused of the world?

 

2) Accused US in this post of creating an atmosphere where people could become suicidal?? HOW DARE YOU LET OTHER PEOPLE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE POST EGG ME ON TO SUICIDE AND THEN SAY THAT???? Who do you think you are and what is wrong with your heart?? After I was egged on to suicide others mentioned that it didnt matter to them whether I lived or died, and YOU DIDNT SAY A WORD, it was just more convenient and what, fun, empowering, satisfying (what was it for you)? To jump on the bandwagon and just say whatever floated through your mind?

 

I was the one distraught and I made the rant, after the abuse started I stepped away, what exactly did I say that would drive someone to suicide? Its not there, why did you say this? How could you say something like that?

 

3) You gave a story of your grandparents losing children and making it by. What does that have to do with us? You apparently want to make comparisons, lets make comparisons.

 

Was your grandmother raped, beaten close to death, left for dead by her birth father who couldnt give a rat's ass, paralyzed for 6 months during jr high school?? Was your grandmother beaten with speakers and a TV, tied up and clubbed? Did your grandmother help another rape victim on high school and get her faced smashed in by a step father for the efforts? Did your grandmother have facial seizures that feel like your head is in a vice? Did your grandmother marry a first husband who beat her and abused her and also had another family on the side? Did your grandmother spend 2 years in a childrens care hospital with her first son who was dying the entire time WHILE she had her SECOND cancer?

 

Do you see how all this happening by the time you reach adulthood might disable a persons coping mechanisms or their emotional stability because RELIGION SAID JUST GIVE IT TO GOD. Maybe you should ask a lot more questions and make a lot less assumptions, my god the DOG THING? how unbelievably foolish was that? These aent the extent of the problems these were done during the 'formative years', theres way more to the story.

 

Ruby WE ARE making it by on nothing, I have been homeless before.

 

My father was forced to stay at a job where they let him use a trailer as shelter and for insurance reasons I couldnt. I spent 2 months sleeping in a laundromat down the road and he would bring me food twice a day and a change of clothing, I was 14 years old.

 

I had to live with strangers that were a friend of a friend when I was 15 and i was beaten up and robbed numerous times because of the neighborhood, often I would have to sleep in a van with other homeless people when the crowd at their apartment became too high and too rough. This is when I was molested while i was sleeping and woke up to a 35 year old man with his mouth around me. His nickname aorund the alleys and streets of Anaheim was "fudge-packing freddy". Isnt that cute? And I got to find out why he was called that in a dark cold van one night.

 

When my stepfather would getinto his "beating the shit out of everyody" mode and my mother woud get wasted drunk to hide from it I would end up running away and sleeping in the parks. Usually unable to grab a pillow and blanket before escaping, because when he would see me leave he would run after me, he happened to be a long distance runner all through high school and college so that never worked out too well.

 

I spent 4 months living in a tent eating baked beans and bread with water on the campgrounds of frigid Mt Baldy during an archaeological excavation when I was 18. I have had to live on the street before.

 

I have had to sleep in my car, when I had a car, before I had to sell it to help for our bills. I have gone without food for more than 3 days dozens of times, at the beginning of last year I went 8 days without food during the time we transitioned into our new 'shelter', we dont own anything, we have a roof over our heads, yes. I am not upset about where I live, I am not concerned,I would sleep in a tent any day of the week. Its the physical pain and the illnesses that are the problem Ruby, its having no medicines for the pain and the illnesses, wondering if youre going to die because youre lacking medicine.

 

4) You say "I see you and nick on here begging for money to buy cancer meds"

I dont see me begging, and thats a horrible thing to throw in somebody's face, do you know how many people pitched in to help Ruby? 4 different people, out of the tens of thousands of reads I have on my posts, 4 people Ruby. How many people donate to your website? Would you like it if you were told you were begging? What are you asking for when you ask for the money on your website Ruby? Money to help build your network of information?

 

Are you asking for donations so you or your spouse doesnt have to suffer withdrawals and chronic pain, are you asking for aid because youre so frightened that neither of you or only one of you will be able to make it through until some relief comes, if it comes this time? Because maybe you finally snap and the bad so much outweighs the good that you find no reason to continue living?

We have asked for help for severe, debilitating pain and deadly illnesses that must be treated. You said that we have what we need for survival, once again you are wrong, we dont have what we need for survival, when you are ill and have chronic pain which we both have, and you dont have medicine, then WE DONT HAVE OUR BASIC NEEDS OR WHATS NEEDED FOR SURVIVAL, you MUST know this.

 

Guess what Ruby, right now we both do not have our medicine, Churee doesnt have her morphine, it ran out 2 days ago so she is now almost immobile, she will become and stay immobile until she has medicine. But we dont know that she will because of the medical cuts and the insurance companies screwing us over, or because the doctors want to hassle about things, like they always do, its sickening what they will or will not do for somebody who actually needs medical care.

 

Do you know what dosage she needs a day Ruby? 120mg Morphine Sulfate extended release TWICE a day. Thats 240mg a day and now she has ZERO, the pain from cancer along with broken bones in her back and knee from brittle bone disease...do you want to continue telling us how bad it isnt?? Do you want to keep pointing out how other people have it worse?

 

I do not have my pain medicine nor do I have my medicine for depression, the pain alone makes me writhe in pain, I have to fight every second, which feels like an eternity, I have to move positions in bed 20-30 times a minute to try and deal with the pain in my neck and spine, morphine messes with my system a bit, although I would definitely take it at this point because its nothign but misery. Since Morphine doesnt do as good as it shuld i am supposed to be on 60mg of oxycodone twice a day, when its not bad, + 10mg for breakthrough pain when it is bad. I also ran out because we DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR OUR BASIC NEEDS, I had to give some of my last to her and thats why she isnt completely immobile but by tomorrow night she will be, and so will I. Then the torture begins, when you are in that much pain you can not function and being on those medicines cause withdrawal symptoms, so how are we supposed to go about our basic needs while in medicinal withdrawal and horrific pain? When its out of my system I will be screamiing into a pillow and clenching/unclenching my body and then I will be begging. Churee will be begging. Yes we will both beg.

 

But there will be nobody to listen, because the 3 kids you speak of, they cant do anything about it and we have to hide ourselves as much as possible upstairs so they do not witness how we are feeling and the things that come out of our mouths, wishing for relief or death, the suicide rate of chronic pain sufferers is something like 5000% higher than the rest of the population from what I have read. I read that because I was researching the plight of people like us because it didnt make sense that we werent being treated properly and were denied aaid from the county and state, but I found to my surprise that this is common and they are dropping like flies.

 

People cannot handle torture forever, everybody has their breaking point. I have every right to be afraid that my breaking point could be tonight, or tomorrow, I am scared to death about myself as well as Churee, its extremely frightening.

 

 

So what about this statement of yours:

 

"You think you and Nick have it tough. You have each other, three children, and a home. There's a young man on these forums who hasn't got so much as a permanent address, not to mention a flesh and blood person to call family. He's not complaining. He's seeking to understand himself and sort out his life.

 

You may want to read some of the other threads and learn about the lives of the other members on here. The Testimonies section or ExChristian Life might be good places to begin. By the way, quite a number of us have Masters degrees or other professional degrees. We've got people on here with doctorates of multiple doctorates. The people who don't have formal degrees tend to be smart enough; they just didn't have the opportunity."

 

How can you compare things like that? its impossible, youre not a god, its a terrible thing to not have a permanent address, again I have been there, but FOR ME that was nothing compared to having illness and pain like this, and this isnt a permanent address Ruby, were 1400 dollars behind on our rent, we dont own the place.

 

So I cant judge him, it may be excruciating for him to be in his situation and it may be worse for him than having some other problems...nobody knows. Its when somebody reaches out and TELLS YOU HOW THEY ARE DOING, THATS HOW YOU KNOW. And I have done that and then you dismiss me.

 

What exactly are we all supposed to do Ruby? Should everybody find out that other people have problems and then shut up??

 

As for flesh and blood, I have only my dad who is equally ill and lives in a shack on the reservation here locally, he has a Master's degree ruby. Diabetes has ruined his life for the past 10 years and hes dying, the other people that are left alive in my family which I can count on one hand denounced me while I was in my cult and are so messed up themselves it's frightening to be around them. They caused a lot of these problems to begin with.

 

All I have asked help for, the help, besides advice, the only begging I have done IS FOR MEDICINE FOR REAL PAIN AND REAL ILLNESSES. Its not that subjective, its not a matter of opinion, the illnesses are there, the pain is there and its destroyed our lives.

 

Did your JUDGEMENT of us turn out to be what you thought??

 

Did you realize how much what you said could hurt and do to me and her??

 

And I wish these were the only problems, theres a lot more.

 

I WISH I could walk around not complaining..in fact i dont, I dont go anywhere. I complain here, where I was told it was allowed and accepted. There is nowhere else to turn.

 

And I am being honest, you truly hurt both of us deeply, in front of everybody here, I hope it was satisfying to you to speak your mind.

 

I dont know what to do and I am getting real tired of trying.

[Emme]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

This is disturbing to me. I don´t want to fight, but I have read all posts in this thread, and I don´t understand why you would accuse Piracy and Churee of encouraging suicide? Fair should be fair. Your comment seems unnecessary and harsh in my opinion.

[PIRACYs LADY]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

This is disturbing to me. I don´t want to fight, but I have read all posts in this thread, and I don´t understand why you would accuse Piracy and Churee of encouraging suicide? Fair should be fair. Your comment seems unnecessary and harsh in my opinion.

Emme,

I really dont want to fight either. Well i'm not actually angry. I got really hurt but what Ruby said, and now Piracy saw how it effected me and spoke up. I just dont understand what I did. I really try not to hurt people.

[Amethyst]

I think it is time to close this thread. I regret that my day job does not allow me to surf the net as I would like or I would have closed it earlier. I think a cooling off period is in order here. Piracy and Ruby, you can take your concerns to each other via PM or use the ignore feature, it's your choice.