Apathy And Frustration..a Post Holiday Cocktail

[PIRACYs LADY]

On a side note, I agree with Pitchu, if someone has a problem they have to constantly ask forgiveness for, and this problem is a matter of behavior, then the person should be made aware of it and perhaps start working on resolving that issue. Anger problems is not necessarily a biological handicap, but a behavioral problem which can be fixed with therapy--which is of the kind we can't offer here. My opinion is that Piracy needs help, and a form of help we can't provide. Where he could get it, is beyond me, but he do need it.

 

I agree 100%.

 

There are many homeopathic remedies that can do good, but they don't always work for everyone or with serious issues. Sometimes talk therapy is the best bet. I am by no means a professional therapist, only someone who's read up on natural ways to deal with the issues that I have myself because I've tried pretty much everything. Some things work, some things are a waste of money. But you gotta find what works for you and stick with it. Things like talk therapy, journaling, creative writing, doing art, music therapy, aromatherapy, herbs, natural food therapy, massage therapy, etc., are all just parts of the puzzle. Sometimes you have to try every piece to find out what fits.

Hi There,

Its Churee,

hank you for your advice.

[PIRACYs LADY]

I'll end my participation in this thread with this:

 

"Nick's tough luck to run smack into the immovable wall that makes me such a fucking asshole."

 

I've been called much worse by much better people.

 

He is on a short list of folks who have had been both barrels blasted by me here at ExC.

 

Nick isn't banned off, nor is he forbidden to post here AFAIA. But.. If he chooses to participate, he'll be required to remember that "Atti-fuckin'-tude goes both fuckin' ways". What you give is what you get.

 

kevin Fuckin' L

Hi There, Its Churee. I am just alittle confussed I ner called you a name. I hope that was someone else. and im sory they calld you a name.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

I just wish we'd hear from Churee. I hope she's all right.

Hi There,

Its Churee. Im sorry i didnt write back right away, I caught some kind of flu and am alittle acd on the not being able to cover what my ins doesnt cover for my cancer meds. I hope your new year was a good one. Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

I just wish we'd hear from Churee. I hope she's all right.

 

Pitchu, I agree. It appears that she was e-mailing a few members, so hopefully someone is hearing from her and knows if she is O.K. I think that this site was good for her when she was able to address her own concerns and get support and feedback. As much as she loves Piracy, it seems sad that so much of her energy was going into protecting and buffering him. I believe she needed all of her strength to deal with her own health issues. Perhaps we will hear from her soon.

Hi there, Its Churee,

No worries. Im here, just not feeling so great. after this thread has ended i will start addressing my isues again. I had just startd posting.I hope your nw yar as good. talk to you soon.

Churee

[noob]

Edited to add Churee's response:

 

Today, 06:23 AM

 

Hi there, Its Churee,

No worries. Im here, just not feeling so great. after this thread has ended i will start addressing my isues again. I had just startd posting.I hope your nw yar as good. talk to you soon.

Churee

 

Churee, thank you so much for letting us know you are O.K. There are a lot of people pulling for you and hoping that things improve in this new year! Hopefully, you will start feeling better and will be able to return to Ex-C and post about things that will benefit you. Hugs!!!!

[florduh]

Hi Churee.

 

Glad you're okay. Tell Nick my e-mail is still receiving incoming messages!

[Amethyst]

Hi There,

This is Churee. I hope your New Year was a good one.I thank you for being sorry for the poblems c. that Nick and I are going through. i appricate that.I do have to agree that Nick dos have a problm with popl who dont m to undstand his posts. It makes him feel dumb and hes been trying to fix it and just cant seem to get it yet. Hes even thinking of taking a comunications class.I asked Nivek alittle more information on what his advice was to me.Oh belive me I do know there are alot of sad stories. I fel so terrible for those who have it so much worse. Im not sure if nick ver said but bfore I ot sick I volunteerd at the Hospital here with kids with cancer for about 7 years so I know what you mean.I wouldnt want except anyone to be used as a punching bag or want anyone to be used as one. I hope Nick did not do this. I havent read alot of his stuff but havne come accross it yet.The only thing I dont get is that you said being dealt a bad hand in life is no xcuse to rant. So hen please explain whats the ranting area used for?

 

I think what the other poster meant is that a lot of us have been dealt bad hands in life, but we don't take it out on everyone around us. There is a difference between posting to vent for stress relief and treating everyone around you rudely. Have you ever journaled? This is sort of like journaling, where you can say things about Christians causing you stress that you would never ever be able to say in real life to your family, friends, co-workers for fear of losing your job or worse. Because everyone is stressed out at times, and anger is a natural emotion in the deconverting process, a safe zone is needed to say things and get it off your chest. But there is a difference between ranting about something in real life that is causing you problems or writing a journal entry about it, and being rude to most people one happens to stumble across on the Internet.

 

This is like everything else in life, there are expectations that people will behave at least civilly towards one another in most circumstances and if a poster is less than civil to another poster, we will call them out on it. But...one poster can certainly disagree with another poster. Since this is the only place a lot of people feel free to express their opinions, there is expected to be some disagreement. But when someone takes every kind of remotely possible disagreement personally and lashes out against anyone saying something they happen to not agree with, that is a sign that this is not the place for them, at least at this point in time.

 

Let me give you an example. My mother died from breast cancer when I was in high school. She was highly perfectionistic and I still have anxiety issues because of her, even though I loved her because she was my mother. I was treated extremely rudely by my fellow classmates pretty much from first grade until I went to Germany as a foreign exchange student my senior year. Several years ago, I was renting the basement of a town home and my house mate commited suicide by fire.

 

If I go the way of your hubby and treat everyone rudely because I have been through a great deal of crap, what would you think of me? Yes, it's sad when people have to go through crap in life, but it does not give them permission to be rude to everyone under the sun.

 

How you treat people, especially when you are under lots of stress, says a lot about you.

[Vigile]

I havent read alot of his stuff but havne come accross it yet.The only thing I dont get is that you said being dealt a bad hand in life is no xcuse to rant

 

No, that's not exactly what I said. What I said was "does not give one the excuse for ranting and railing at any community member who commits the oh so horrible crime of just disagreeing with Nick." He can rant all he wants but taking out his pain on others is something else. It's harming those who didn't harm him and that's wrong.

 

Again, best of luck to both of you.

[buffettphan]

Hi Churie. I'm glad you're feeling well enough to post again. Best wishes to you and Piracy.

[Ouroboros]

This posibly could be true. But when someone is starting a thread and asking a spfic qusyion and their wanting an nswer or other people who have sn the same thin, and the replis he gts have nothing at all to do with what he asks.

Well, that is the nature of internet and web-forums. He either has to accept it or not use it. If you play chess, you can't suddenly say that you don't like a certain move and the opponent can't use it, just because it's not in your favor. Ever since forums started, in the 80's as what they called a BBS, topics do not always go the way the starter wanted. Of course there are limits to how far away a topic can be allowed to go, but that wasn't the case here. If someone ask a question, they also have to willing to hear the answers, and I'm afraid that's something Nick has a serious problem with. He wants to know. He asks. But if someone answers something he doesn't like, he can't take it and gets extremely upset. I think he has to learn to accept that there are other people out there who have different opinions, and not necessarily opinions he likes.

 

So on top of "your wife is going to die again statment" "A yars annivesery of or childs death, maybe just wanting a simple answer and not geting it may have ben he staraw on the camels back. ANd ys he dos for sure have a stress disorder? Let me ask you, Did he not tell you what illnesses he suffered from? Post tramadic stress tc.? Abuse? Those kinds of things?One thing is Nick will treat everyone the same moderator or normal member. I undestand all f what your saying. but now I am beggining to think he did not tell everyone what all was going on. Please let me know. Churee

I think the only thing he should do is when he doesn't get the answers he likes or when a topic goes to the sideline that he should hold back responding. He should leave the computer, take a break, and take a few breaths, count to 10 (or maybe 100), and then try his best to answer in a mild and moderated voice. I do. I do it almost all the time. I don't always get the posts I want, but I don't go off on the other person just because I'm upset or have a different view, but I calm down, write my response but delete it, and rewrite it, and then rewrite it again, until I've taken off the offensive and sharp edges. It's about control. To be able to control yourself. You need Nick to be able to do that, for your sake.

[Ouroboros]

Hi There, Churee again. I will say you are one of the members that i had hard of from nick. And not in a bad way. I think he can relate to you the most, if he would lt himself. and I ill give you a gint. when the end of the month starts to approach and e dont have enough medicaion for my cancer meds. he basically has been told i will di. Im sure youcan undestand how you might feel if this happnd to you. Hope to alk to you soon

Churee

Yes. I can relate. And I do believe you guys have a lot worse situation than we ever had. I hope things will turn around for you, but I hope Nick is more in control of his anger when he's with you, than how he was here. You need him to be solid and stable, so I really hope he's not this unstable with you.

[R. S. Martin]

Churee, would it help you to know that some of the people who have been talking on this thread (other than you) are terminally ill and nearing death? Or have close family members who are permanently disabled and/or frequently deathly ill? Do you realize that the things you and Nick are saying could drive a person to suicide if they took your posts seriously?

 

There's something else. My grandparents got married and set up farming at the beginning of the Great Depression. My grandmother had nine pregnancies. Her first child was still-born. My father was her second child. Another child died in infancy. A third child died from lock-jaw as a two-year-old. Six children grew to adulthood and raised families. My grandparents learned how to make-do with next to nothing. My parents passed the tradition on to me.

 

I see you and Nick begging for money to buy cancer meds WHILE AT THE SAME TIME asking advice on buying a large dog. I don't understand. A large dog needs food, medication, and daily care. Not to mention several hundred to a thousand dollars to buy in the first place. If you haven't got enough money for the basic needs and health care for the human members of your family, how do you intend to provide for the needs of an animal? I might buy the occassional meal for a needy child in my hometown, but I will not buy a dog for someone else when I myself cannot afford a home large enough to accommodate a pet.

 

You think you and Nick have it tough. You have each other, three children, and a home. There's a young man on these forums who hasn't got so much as a permanent address, not to mention a flesh and blood person to call family. He's not complaining. He's seeking to understand himself and sort out his life.

 

You may want to read some of the other threads and learn about the lives of the other members on here. The Testimonies section or ExChristian Life might be good places to begin. By the way, quite a number of us have Masters degrees or other professional degrees. We've got people on here with doctorates of multiple doctorates. The people who don't have formal degrees tend to be smart enough; they just didn't have the opportunity.

 

No need to respond to this post unless you really want to. Take care of yourself and your own needs. Seems you're feeling really ill these days. All the best.

 

~Ruby

[Ouroboros]

It's a good point RS brings up. Churee, is Nick and you seeking to get a dog? I would recommend that you don't, considering the situation you have, and for the same reason RS mentions. If it's so hard to afford medication, a dog isn't the best thing to do. You have to be very careful not to do wasteful spending when all things go against you. I know it's easy to fall into that trap of indulgence of unnecessary spoils because of depression. Don't let it be a mistake you make. First of all the dog costs money to get, but then you have all the shots, and if you want to spay/neuter the dog, and then food, and so on... A dog is a nice addition to the family, but I don't think it's a good one in your position.

 

RS, do you have the link (or if you can find it) to where Nick is asking for advice regarding getting a dog?

[noob]

RS, do you have the link (or if you can find it) to where Nick is asking for advice regarding getting a dog?

 

 

Hello, HanSolo! I saw your question and just wanted to let you know that Nick was not asking (unless it was in another thread that I missed). If you look through this thread, you will see that Churee responded to several posts early this morning. In her response to Nivek at 4:59 a.m. today she made this comment.

Just on a side line my daughter has alays wanted a cyberian husky. Can you tell me how they do with children? my oldest is 13, middle one is 9, youngest 4.

 

I'm not sure that she meant that they were actually considering getting a dog at this point. Perhaps she just wanted to know for some time in her much brighter future!

[Ouroboros]

Just on a side line my daughter has alays wanted a cyberian husky. Can you tell me how they do with children? my oldest is 13, middle one is 9, youngest 4.

 

I'm not sure that she meant that they were actually considering getting a dog at this point. Perhaps she just wanted to know for some time in her much brighter future!

Thanks. I hope they're not seriously considering a dog at the moment, because of all the extra work and money it would require. So the advice still stands, at least.

 

Btw, Churee, my understanding is that huskies are very good with children, even maybe the best dog someone can get who has small children. They are very playful and they tend to run away a lot. Our neighbor down the street have two, and they always gets out from the yard and run away. So if you want to spice up your life with more activity and some outdoor chasing of a very fast dog, then go ahead. A pastor in one of my old churches had three. During one winter (back in Sweden they get snow) he put them to pull a sled, and they were really good at it. But then they wanted to let the dogs play a bit in the snow, and within 0.01 seconds they were at the horizon. It took our pastor 3 hours to find the dogs, and it was a farmer (a few miles away) who had managed to catch them and he was waiting for the owner to show up.

[noob]

Thanks. I hope they're not seriously considering a dog at the moment, because of all the extra work and money it would require. So the advice still stands, at least.

 

I totally agree with your advice! A dog is a tremendous commitment of time, money and energy. And, even if someone gives you one, there is no such thing as a free dog. The food and vet bills can be huge!

[R. S. Martin]

RS, do you have the link (or if you can find it) to where Nick is asking for advice regarding getting a dog?

 

 

Hello, HanSolo! I saw your question and just wanted to let you know that Nick was not asking (unless it was in another thread that I missed). If you look through this thread, you will see that Churee responded to several posts early this morning. In her response to Nivek at 4:59 a.m. today she made this comment.

Just on a side line my daughter has alays wanted a cyberian husky. Can you tell me how they do with children? my oldest is 13, middle one is 9, youngest 4.

 

I'm not sure that she meant that they were actually considering getting a dog at this point. Perhaps she just wanted to know for some time in her much brighter future!

 

 

Noob, thanks for finding the quote and for pointing out that it's not in the planning stage. I would wish any family a dog. Next best to owning a dog, for myself, is enjoying other people's dogs. Here are a few videos you might enjoy:

• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• (if you don't mind the music)
  
• (humans in video speak a language I don't understand but baby animals are very cute)
  

Watching these humans (some of them trainers) interact with their dogs helps sooth the ache for my own Sparkie.

[Amethyst]

Actually -- pets in general can be quite therapeutic when a person is sick. Some hospitals conduct pet therapy sessions where a trained animal comes in and spends time with people. You could try calling the ones in your area to see if they do it. Or maybe your local humane society will let you come in and spend time with the animals.

[Ouroboros]

Actually -- pets in general can be quite therapeutic when a person is sick. Some hospitals conduct pet therapy sessions where a trained animal comes in and spends time with people. You could try calling the ones in your area to see if they do it. Or maybe your local humane society will let you come in and spend time with the animals.

Yes, that's probably a better option than to get one to take care of. It's not only happy moments with a pet. When they bark in the middle of the night because they hear a car on the street. Or when they have upset stomach because they managed to get into the trash-bin and now they have diarrhea. And much more... (I have three dogs, btw)

[R. S. Martin]

Actually -- pets in general can be quite therapeutic when a person is sick. Some hospitals conduct pet therapy sessions where a trained animal comes in and spends time with people. You could try calling the ones in your area to see if they do it. Or maybe your local humane society will let you come in and spend time with the animals.

 

Thanks for this suggestion. I looked up website of the local humane society and I see they even have a program for volunteers and dogs to go into elementary schools to help children with reading. Here you can see what they do.

 

I think volunteers are expected to have driver's license, which I don't. But there's enough people pulling for me in this city that we may be able to put something together if I know what I want. Whenever I see or read about people training or working closely with dogs I think "That is what I want to do." Then I think, "Come on, Ruby, with all your education--throw it away on dogs!?!"

 

That website gives me some idea of what types of position might be available locally so I could try something out to see how I like it and what I can handle physically. This city life is a whole new culture for me...

[pitchu]

Churee,

 

I'm sorry to learn you haven't been feeling well, but glad you came back to let us know.

 

I think those posting to you now are trying their hardest to let you know why these continual difficulties with Piracy's attitude must be addressed if he's to have any chance at getting along with others -- and he'll need others in making his way to a better life. We all do.

[Amethyst]

I think volunteers are expected to have driver's license, which I don't. But there's enough people pulling for me in this city that we may be able to put something together if I know what I want. Whenever I see or read about people training or working closely with dogs I think "That is what I want to do." Then I think, "Come on, Ruby, with all your education--throw it away on dogs!?!"

 

Volunteering isn't something you have to do for the rest of your life, just when you have time to.

 

Also IMO if it helps one person, it's not throwing anything away.

 

And if you really think you might enjoy it, why not try it?

[PIRACYs LADY]

Edited to add Churee's response:

 

Today, 06:23 AM

 

Hi there, Its Churee,

No worries. Im here, just not feeling so great. after this thread has ended i will start addressing my isues again. I had just startd posting.I hope your nw yar as good. talk to you soon.

Churee

 

Churee, thank you so much for letting us know you are O.K. There are a lot of people pulling for you and hoping that things improve in this new year! Hopefully, you will start feeling better and will be able to return to Ex-C and post about things that will benefit you. Hugs!!!!

Hi There, Hugs right back at you. And ys After I get ovr this cold I intend to start back on the foums reguading things I need hlp with. Thanks. Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Hi Churee.

 

Glad you're okay. Tell Nick my e-mail is still receiving incoming messages!

Hi There, How was your New year? i wish you all the bst thus year. I will tell Nick when I see him.

Churee

[PIRACYs LADY]

Hi There,

This is Churee. I hope your New Year was a good one.I thank you for being sorry for the poblems c. that Nick and I are going through. i appricate that.I do have to agree that Nick dos have a problm with popl who dont m to undstand his posts. It makes him feel dumb and hes been trying to fix it and just cant seem to get it yet. Hes even thinking of taking a comunications class.I asked Nivek alittle more information on what his advice was to me.Oh belive me I do know there are alot of sad stories. I fel so terrible for those who have it so much worse. Im not sure if nick ver said but bfore I ot sick I volunteerd at the Hospital here with kids with cancer for about 7 years so I know what you mean.I wouldnt want except anyone to be used as a punching bag or want anyone to be used as one. I hope Nick did not do this. I havent read alot of his stuff but havne come accross it yet.The only thing I dont get is that you said being dealt a bad hand in life is no xcuse to rant. So hen please explain whats the ranting area used for?

 

I think what the other poster meant is that a lot of us have been dealt bad hands in life, but we don't take it out on everyone around us. There is a difference between posting to vent for stress relief and treating everyone around you rudely. Have you ever journaled? This is sort of like journaling, where you can say things about Christians causing you stress that you would never ever be able to say in real life to your family, friends, co-workers for fear of losing your job or worse. Because everyone is stressed out at times, and anger is a natural emotion in the deconverting process, a safe zone is needed to say things and get it off your chest. But there is a difference between ranting about something in real life that is causing you problems or writing a journal entry about it, and being rude to most people one happens to stumble across on the Internet.

 

This is like everything else in life, there are expectations that people will behave at least civilly towards one another in most circumstances and if a poster is less than civil to another poster, we will call them out on it. But...one poster can certainly disagree with another poster. Since this is the only place a lot of people feel free to express their opinions, there is expected to be some disagreement. But when someone takes every kind of remotely possible disagreement personally and lashes out against anyone saying something they happen to not agree with, that is a sign that this is not the place for them, at least at this point in time.

 

Let me give you an example. My mother died from breast cancer when I was in high school. She was highly perfectionistic and I still have anxiety issues because of her, even though I loved her because she was my mother. I was treated extremely rudely by my fellow classmates pretty much from first grade until I went to Germany as a foreign exchange student my senior year. Several years ago, I was renting the basement of a town home and my house mate commited suicide by fire.

 

If I go the way of your hubby and treat everyone rudely because I have been through a great deal of crap, what would you think of me? Yes, it's sad when people have to go through crap in life, but it does not give them permission to be rude to everyone under the sun.

 

How you treat people, especially when you are under lots of stress, says a lot about you.

Hi There,

I just wanted you to tell you that latley I have really ben getting alot from your posts. I thank you for that. I hope when I start posting about the things that are effecting me you might be there to help.

Churee