No One To Talk To

[CelloChick]

You've gotten a lot of good advice so far. I agree with you, storms are scary. I live in Illinois. We don't have thunderstorms here, we have thunder events! You can watch it on the radar map as storms march across the state, often one cell after another, and sometimes lasting hours. I've learned to handle my fears in several ways.

 

Education, as several people have suggested, helps take the mystery out of what is happening. Plus, knowing do's and don'ts can be calming, too. During storms please take care and stay away from windows, not because of lightning but flying debris. It's amazing what an 80 mile an hour wind gust can do to a garbage can lid or a tree branch. Avoid doing laundry or taking a shower, and someone else already mentioned using a land line phone. An interior hallway is a good place to hang out during storms. If you need to hide under a blanket, go ahead and do that if it makes you feel better. You matter. What other people think matters less.

 

One of the things I do when I get scared is acknowledge what I'm feeling and not beat myself up for feeling that way. I get scared when I'm driving on the expressway and it's under construction. The road is as narrow as my driveway with concrete barriers on both sides of my car, and the road zig zags at random for miles. I don't like going 65 miles an hour in a narrow chute, with an SUV on my tail. That's scary for me, and most people who drive in Chicago. I-294 is under construction for 22 miles. The narrow channel traffic goes from 65 miles an hour to two miles an hour, without warning, and for no apparent reason. Heart in your throat, white knuckles, panic attack driving. Sometimes being afraid makes sense!

 

Your fear of storms is not irrational, either. We both know that storms can be dangerous. But, maybe there are some things that you can do to ratchet down the fear a bit. You could create a storm kit. Not with emergency supplies, but with fun things to do that you only get to enjoy during storms. Puzzles, games, an iPod with 50 of your favorite songs in a storms only play list, a few treats that you like can go in there, too. Perhaps you can make a box that is full of comforting and good things. The next time a storm comes say, "Yay! I get to open my storm box!"

 

You will not feel yay. You will feel just as scared as you did the last time. You might feel totally stupid for even saying it, but believe it or not, repeating "This makes me feel excited," can ratchet the fear down a peg or two.

 

I used to be totally terrified of public speaking. I'd get so dizzy I'd almost faint from fear. Two years later, I'm comfortable speaking in a room with a thousand people in it, and enjoying every second. How did I get from shaking with fear to enjoying public speaking? By convincing myself that the butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms, and racing heartbeat were because I felt EXCITED. Not stage fright. Stage Excited. I open every show by saying, "I'm really excited to be here." Every single show, if there are five people or 500 in the room. "I'm excited to be here."

 

 

It took time to convince myself that I felt excited, and not terrified. I'm not talking about excited in a happy way, but in a state of high alert, excited. Roller coasters are exciting. Scary movies are exciting. That powerful energy buzz can be harnessed, but it takes time, so please be nice to yourself.

 

Perhaps talking yourself through the next storm, while doing fun things from your storm box, will help you feel better. I'm feeling pretty excited by this storm. My heart's going fast. I'm not the only person who feels uncomfortable during storms. Other people do, so I'm not going crazy. But, I'm handling this pretty well right now. WOW that was a loud one! I'm shaking right now. I don't like this. I don't like this! I hate this! Deep breath. Made it through that thunder clap. Wonder about the next one? Hey, I made it through that one, too. I'm getting the hang of this. It sucks, but it sucks OK. Stuff along those lines. Perhaps, during a time when it is not storming, write yourself a letter as if you were writing to someone you dearly loved, respected and cared about. Read it to yourself during the storm.

 

Asking for help was smart, so I know that you can learn to deal with storms. You may never enjoy them, like I will never enjoy driving in construction traffic, but hopefully you can feel confident you can handle them. The next time a storm comes, you can remember that you handled the last one, and you will handle this one, too.

 

Hope this helps. Peace.

 

CelloChick

[Vendredie]

You've gotten a lot of good advice so far. I agree with you, storms are scary. I live in Illinois. We don't have thunderstorms here, we have thunder events! You can watch it on the radar map as storms march across the state, often one cell after another, and sometimes lasting hours. I've learned to handle my fears in several ways.

 

Education, as several people have suggested, helps take the mystery out of what is happening. Plus, knowing do's and don'ts can be calming, too. During storms please take care and stay away from windows, not because of lightning but flying debris. It's amazing what an 80 mile an hour wind gust can do to a garbage can lid or a tree branch. Avoid doing laundry or taking a shower, and someone else already mentioned using a land line phone. An interior hallway is a good place to hang out during storms. If you need to hide under a blanket, go ahead and do that if it makes you feel better. You matter. What other people think matters less.

 

One of the things I do when I get scared is acknowledge what I'm feeling and not beat myself up for feeling that way. I get scared when I'm driving on the expressway and it's under construction. The road is as narrow as my driveway with concrete barriers on both sides of my car, and the road zig zags at random for miles. I don't like going 65 miles an hour in a narrow chute, with an SUV on my tail. That's scary for me, and most people who drive in Chicago. I-294 is under construction for 22 miles. The narrow channel traffic goes from 65 miles an hour to two miles an hour, without warning, and for no apparent reason. Heart in your throat, white knuckles, panic attack driving. Sometimes being afraid makes sense!

 

Your fear of storms is not irrational, either. We both know that storms can be dangerous. But, maybe there are some things that you can do to ratchet down the fear a bit. You could create a storm kit. Not with emergency supplies, but with fun things to do that you only get to enjoy during storms. Puzzles, games, an iPod with 50 of your favorite songs in a storms only play list, a few treats that you like can go in there, too. Perhaps you can make a box that is full of comforting and good things. The next time a storm comes say, "Yay! I get to open my storm box!"

 

You will not feel yay. You will feel just as scared as you did the last time. You might feel totally stupid for even saying it, but believe it or not, repeating "This makes me feel excited," can ratchet the fear down a peg or two.

 

I used to be totally terrified of public speaking. I'd get so dizzy I'd almost faint from fear. Two years later, I'm comfortable speaking in a room with a thousand people in it, and enjoying every second. How did I get from shaking with fear to enjoying public speaking? By convincing myself that the butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms, and racing heartbeat were because I felt EXCITED. Not stage fright. Stage Excited. I open every show by saying, "I'm really excited to be here." Every single show, if there are five people or 500 in the room. "I'm excited to be here."

 

 

It took time to convince myself that I felt excited, and not terrified. I'm not talking about excited in a happy way, but in a state of high alert, excited. Roller coasters are exciting. Scary movies are exciting. That powerful energy buzz can be harnessed, but it takes time, so please be nice to yourself.

 

Perhaps talking yourself through the next storm, while doing fun things from your storm box, will help you feel better. I'm feeling pretty excited by this storm. My heart's going fast. I'm not the only person who feels uncomfortable during storms. Other people do, so I'm not going crazy. But, I'm handling this pretty well right now. WOW that was a loud one! I'm shaking right now. I don't like this. I don't like this! I hate this! Deep breath. Made it through that thunder clap. Wonder about the next one? Hey, I made it through that one, too. I'm getting the hang of this. It sucks, but it sucks OK. Stuff along those lines. Perhaps, during a time when it is not storming, write yourself a letter as if you were writing to someone you dearly loved, respected and cared about. Read it to yourself during the storm.

 

Asking for help was smart, so I know that you can learn to deal with storms. You may never enjoy them, like I will never enjoy driving in construction traffic, but hopefully you can feel confident you can handle them. The next time a storm comes, you can remember that you handled the last one, and you will handle this one, too.

 

Hope this helps. Peace.

 

CelloChick

I have gotten very good replies, normally people give me advice that has never worked for me. And I've done it all, the relaxation, talking myself through it (that's actually helped once, during one storm with 2000+ strikes an hour, which was VERY scary), trying to ignore it... never thought of a storm box though. Might have to try that out. I'll have to play with my MP3 player a bit to get a storm-only playlist (which will only include parody songs and possibly Achmed the Dead Terrorist...).

 

But normally I'm almost completely unable to function in storms at all, it would take a storm with very little lightning to really allow me to do that without being scared out of my mind. It's going to be a while....

[Mike D]

Some areas of California, especially along the coast, sometimes will go more than a year without even one thunderstorm.... I know i've lived here most of my life. And when they do get thunderstorms they are typically nothing (like maybe 3 or 4 strikes of lightning and a couple of claps of thunder and that's it). The moderate temperature of the pacific ocean off the US west coast just isn't favorable for thunderstorm development, so they are pretty rare.

 

The offset here of course is you are basically trading thunderstorms, tornadoes and hurricanes for earthquakes. I would rather have earthquakes myself, but maybe because that's what I grew up with and i've been in so many (a couple major ones) so I am just used to it.

[Vomit Comet]

earthquakes,

 

They scare the shit out of non-natives, but I've lived through many and will take a quake any day over a tornado or a hurricane.

 

sharks,

 

Well, unlike the classic SNL skit, you don't have to worry about one ringing your doorbell masquerading as the pizza guy.

 

wildfires,

 

Don't live in the 'burbs. And it's not that bad up north.

 

homes sliding into the ocean,

 

Are you a multi-millionaire? No? No problem!

 

and we don't elect actors governor.

 

The first actor we elected governor was Ronnie Ray-Gun. And then the rest of y'all elected him President!

[florduh]

Heck, move to California! That's my home state. NC sounds like a drag.

We don't have earthquakes, sharks, wildfires, homes sliding into the ocean, and we don't elect actors governor. I'll take my chances here.

 

What's wrong with sharks?

[Crazycatlady]

You have gotten some really great replies here. I used to be terrified of dogs and I've managed to de-sensitize quite a lot by exposure to dogs. I've still a long way to go, but at least I don't get scared about going out in public anymore. You are actually more likely to die from falling out of bed than be struck by lightning. Of course, the thing about a phobia is that it is an irrational fear. You said that you can't talk to the school counselor because rumors might spread. You can, however, talk to your family medical doctor. They cannot share any information with anyone else (including your parents) and would probably have an idea of where to go next.

 

As for where to move, New Mexico. We don't have very many thunderstorms -- just droughts. Actually, on second thought, we do get a few dry thunderstorms each summer, so nevermind.

[Manditag in AK]

I have to agree with white raven, if you are looking to move, Alaska is a great place. I've lived here my whole life, 25 years, and I've experienced 2 thunderstorms, and that was only up toward the middle of the state and they were so far away I just saw the flash of lightning and then heard the boom and realized there must have been a storm that far away.

[Ro-bear]

Heck, move to California! That's my home state. NC sounds like a drag.

 

I love North Carolina. My wife and I go there often. Asheville is a lovely city with a bohemian undercurrent and a great beer selection. The Outer Banks are out of this world. I don't know much about the middle; we just stop for gas between the mountains and the sea. This year, though, we might look up some friends in Charlotte. A couple of my high school friends, whom I saw at my thirty-year reunion last September, have invited us to visit with them on the way next time we go (June!).

 

Maybe later our young poster will come to appreciate that lovely state.

 

I live in Tennessee with my wife and two daughters. My wife has an awful phobia for tunnels, but she is willing to endure them for the pleasure of visiting North Carolina.

[Vendredie]

Heck, move to California! That's my home state. NC sounds like a drag.

 

I love North Carolina. My wife and I go there often. Asheville is a lovely city with a bohemian undercurrent and a great beer selection. The Outer Banks are out of this world. I don't know much about the middle; we just stop for gas between the mountains and the sea. This year, though, we might look up some friends in Charlotte. A couple of my high school friends, whom I saw at my thirty-year reunion last September, have invited us to visit with them on the way next time we go (June!).

 

Maybe later our young poster will come to appreciate that lovely state.

 

I live in Tennessee with my wife and two daughters. My wife has an awful phobia for tunnels, but she is willing to endure them for the pleasure of visiting North Carolina.

I live about an hour away from the OBX, near the Virginia border. OBX and Asheville are very nice, as are the rest of NC's bigger cities. Anything between roanoke rapids, Edenton, and the Virginia border SUCKS. Seriously.

[Vomit Comet]

We West Coasters are often quite apprehensive about the South. Fear of the unknown, I guess? My dad once wanted to go there on vacation when I was a kid and my mom refused. She thought that she would get mistaken for a Native American and be brutalized by the KKK as a result. This was before Mexican immigrants were making there way over there. I guess now they would probably guess we were beaners. Well, her fear was ridiculous (for the most part), I know, but she wouldn't budge. Well, anyways, we always hear about the stuff that goes on there in the Babble Belt, and it makes where we live sound like the Netherlands in comparison...

 

...I know there are pockets of sanity, though. I've heard how cool that Charlotte and Asheville are, along with several other cities, and I've been to Austin and New Orleans. But frankly, most the rest of it sounds like a friggin' nightmare!

[chefranden]

I was terrified of storms when I was a kid (58 now). I figured God was going to kill me with one for masturbating -- so I couldn't talk to anyone either. I got over it and like storms now. Time may be the cure, though that won't be a comfort now.

 

By the way loud noises can trigger terror. Instead of ear buds use noise canceling ear phones, if you can afford them. Talking to the councilor at school should be safe. They aren't supposed to divulge private info unless you threaten harm to yourself or others. If they do let it out, make your parents sue them for lots of money so you can afford to move to England.

 

One more suggestion. Know thine enemy. Start studying weather until you know it inside out. The unknown is much scarier than the known.

[Vendredie]

I was terrified of storms when I was a kid (58 now). I figured God was going to kill me with one for masturbating -- so I couldn't talk to anyone either. I got over it and like storms now. Time may be the cure, though that won't be a comfort now.

 

By the way loud noises can trigger terror. Instead of ear buds use noise canceling ear phones, if you can afford them. Talking to the councilor at school should be safe. They aren't supposed to divulge private info unless you threaten harm to yourself or others. If they do let it out, make your parents sue them for lots of money so you can afford to move to England.

 

One more suggestion. Know thine enemy. Start studying weather until you know it inside out. The unknown is much scarier than the known.

 

I used to be the same way about storms (only I didn't think God was trying to kill me for masturbating). I don't know why I thought God was trying to kill me, but it's something that still floats around in the back of my mind during a storm. I nearly re-converted a few months ago because I thought God was trying to kill me for being an atheist. Then I told myself I was being silly.... once the lightning died down >.>

 

Loud noises definitely do trigger terror for me, most normally if they're sudden or very low-pitched like thunder. I get airplanes flying over my house all the time and I misake them for thunder. I can tolerate loud noises if I know it's loud beforehand so I can cover my ears or if I can control the volume.

 

I'm not sure that I can even get to the school counselor, considering I don't even know where his/her office is. And I'm still afraid to ask somebody, since rumors will start and the only thing I fear as much as storms is rumors. Then you have the whole issue of school counselors/psychologists running off and telling the parents anyway, which does happen and it's happened at my school before though with teachers rather than counselors. I still don't trust my school at all though, the staff and administration is full of sneaky lying bastards, though I suppose it's all right to tell them I'm freaked out by storms. It's not like I'm telling them I'm a lesbian (I'm not a lesbian, but teachers have been known to run off to parents to tell them their kids are gay/lesbian), right?

 

I have studied weather a LOT, in fact learning about lightning freaked me out even more. I can't tell you exactly how lightning is formed, but I can give you the gist and tell you what it can do. I can't even look at the wiki, it terrifies me.

[Crazycatlady]

I'm not sure that I can even get to the school counselor, considering I don't even know where his/her office is. And I'm still afraid to ask somebody, since rumors will start and the only thing I fear as much as storms is rumors. Then you have the whole issue of school counselors/psychologists running off and telling the parents anyway, which does happen and it's happened at my school before though with teachers rather than counselors. I still don't trust my school at all though, the staff and administration is full of sneaky lying bastards, though I suppose it's all right to tell them I'm freaked out by storms. It's not like I'm telling them I'm a lesbian (I'm not a lesbian, but teachers have been known to run off to parents to tell them their kids are gay/lesbian), right?

 

I have studied weather a LOT, in fact learning about lightning freaked me out even more. I can't tell you exactly how lightning is formed, but I can give you the gist and tell you what it can do. I can't even look at the wiki, it terrifies me.

 

In most schools, the counselor's office is near the principal and other administration offices. They can't tell anyone unless you are planning to harm/kill yourself or others (I don't think they will consider re-converting harming yourself even it is!). As far as the counselor telling your parents, don't they already know that you fear lightning? If they don't, you might consider letting them know (of course, you know best how they would respond). How big is your school? Does everyone in the administrative offices know you? Because if they don't, you can just ask for directions from someone in there (or your school might have a map online or somewhere else). Anyway, I wish luck. Dealing phobias (or anything that involves psychologists) is never fun or easy. But it is worthwhile.

[Vendredie]

I'm not sure that I can even get to the school counselor, considering I don't even know where his/her office is. And I'm still afraid to ask somebody, since rumors will start and the only thing I fear as much as storms is rumors. Then you have the whole issue of school counselors/psychologists running off and telling the parents anyway, which does happen and it's happened at my school before though with teachers rather than counselors. I still don't trust my school at all though, the staff and administration is full of sneaky lying bastards, though I suppose it's all right to tell them I'm freaked out by storms. It's not like I'm telling them I'm a lesbian (I'm not a lesbian, but teachers have been known to run off to parents to tell them their kids are gay/lesbian), right?

 

I have studied weather a LOT, in fact learning about lightning freaked me out even more. I can't tell you exactly how lightning is formed, but I can give you the gist and tell you what it can do. I can't even look at the wiki, it terrifies me.

 

In most schools, the counselor's office is near the principal and other administration offices. They can't tell anyone unless you are planning to harm/kill yourself or others (I don't think they will consider re-converting harming yourself even it is!). As far as the counselor telling your parents, don't they already know that you fear lightning? If they don't, you might consider letting them know (of course, you know best how they would respond). How big is your school? Does everyone in the administrative offices know you? Because if they don't, you can just ask for directions from someone in there (or your school might have a map online or somewhere else). Anyway, I wish luck. Dealing phobias (or anything that involves psychologists) is never fun or easy. But it is worthwhile.

 

My parents do know that I fear lightning, but they're quite insensitive about it, and don't think I need help at all. And I know quite a few of the administrators-- the principal, a vice principal, the secretary who is the mother of my English teacher and my sister's softball coach, the 11th grade guidance counselor... eeehhhh. The principals and guidance coulnselor don't know my parents, but the secretary definitely has connections....

 

I'll need to see if there is a decent map online, because the ones they hand out to freshmen at school don't say what any of the rooms are but just give the numbers.

[Crazycatlady]

My parents do know that I fear lightning, but they're quite insensitive about it, and don't think I need help at all. And I know quite a few of the administrators-- the principal, a vice principal, the secretary who is the mother of my English teacher and my sister's softball coach, the 11th grade guidance counselor... eeehhhh. The principals and guidance coulnselor don't know my parents, but the secretary definitely has connections....

 

I'll need to see if there is a decent map online, because the ones they hand out to freshmen at school don't say what any of the rooms are but just give the numbers.

 

Okay, during the next thunderstorm, brutally murder your parents. Then you'll associate them with good memories!

***Disclaimer*** Murder, particularly brutal murder, is illegal and results in life imprisonment if caught.

 

On a serious note, you could imply to the secretary that you are in counseling to make a college/career plan. I think in high school, the counselors do both psychology and career advising?