XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I actually used to say these, now I just wince in embarassment...(kind of a repost from the old board) "Buddha is dead, but Jesus is alive!" How do you know that? Because something you believe in merely says it? If this holds true for everything, then Unico the Unicorn exists because my children's book said so. "Let go and let God" Christian version of "ignorance is bliss". "Do you know that you know that you know that you know that you're saved?!?!" This one just gives me chills....I can still picture my pastor pounding the pulpit with each time he said the word "know". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I'll pray for you. Why not do it right here and right now? Real men love Jesus. I feel led of the Lord to tell you this. What follows is either gossip or "correction." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 I feel led of the Lord to tell you this. What follows is either gossip or "correction." <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I actually forgot about that one! And yes, it's usually something negative or gossip following. But, what a great way to preamble your godly gossip! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 "Washed clean in His blood" Sin your ass off but be sure to repent in public "No Jesus No Peace, Know Jesus Know Peace" When you are responsible for your own actions you face consequences. As a christian you get to blame Satan or Thank god. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 You guys give me the chills reading these. I haven't been in chuch in 12 or 13 years and had forgotten all of these. Right on the money though. What about the use of the word "Fellowship" in place of getting together or just friendship? I can't think of any more. I became so open minded that my brains fell out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 "Let go and let God" Christian version of "ignorance is bliss". That's the equivalent of another one I can't stand: God is in control. Yeah, right! Here's another one: Women don't belong in the ministry. What the heck do you call all the volunteer work they do? Ministry. Service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Mista Kotah! Mista Kotah! What about "God works in mysterious ways?" Translation: Ignore the evidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Women don't belong in the ministry. What the heck do you call all the volunteer work they do? Ministry. Service. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That reminds me of the time my mother was helping out with our Royal Rangers and the Royal Ranger headmaster tried to persuay my mom into buying the Official Royal Ranger Helping Mother Uniform. It was hilarious...I actually found a pic of it... Royal Rangers Lady Blazer, Navy Blue, Sexy too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 ... Official Royal Ranger Helping Mother Uniform. It was hilarious...I actually found a pic of it... Royal Rangers Lady Blazer, Navy Blue, Sexy too <{POST_SNAPBACK}> XCrispyKFC! Now tell me the guy posing for the ad doesn't look like a kiddie perv! Yeah yeah don't judge a book etc But there is a look IMO PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reach Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yes. What about this one? It's not about religion; it's about relationship. God said it. I believe it. That settles it. Even though I have a brain, I don't need to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 And oh, oh, oh, I loathe this one: (Regarding the Big Bang Theory) God said "Bang!" and it happened I still remember hearing that when I was a Christian and even then I thought it was pretty fuckin corny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yes. What about this one? It's not about religion; it's about relationship. God said it. I believe it. That settles it. Even though I have a brain, I don't need to think. This is painful. You guys are about two steps ahead of me. Reach, the two cited here were by far the most repeated and most obnoxious I came in contact with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 "No Jesus No Peace, Know Jesus Know Peace" You know, this one is almost correct... ...should have been: Know Jesus no peace, no Jesus know peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 You know, this one is almost correct... ...should have been: Know Jesus no peace, no Jesus know peace <{POST_SNAPBACK}> We need a clap emoticon ... Great twist Thurisaz I totally missed that. PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 We need a clap emoticon ... Great twist Thurisaz I totally missed that. PR <-- this should suffice for now Thanx for the compliment... I'm actually a bit surprised myself. Maybe I still had a "residual charge" of rage and disgust from earlier this evening - I checked out another baptist cult group in my town for the level of braindeath and danger you know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveL Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I cringe everytime I hear: "God Loves You or Jesus Loves You" It presumes that anyone who is not Christian is incapable of showing love. It also presumes that Christianity has something better to offer. The word "love" with an ambiguous meaning, has been twisted to suit their cause (Troy used it alot). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 <-- this should suffice for now Thanx for the compliment... I'm actually a bit surprised myself. Maybe I still had a "residual charge" of rage and disgust from earlier this evening - I checked out another baptist cult group in my town for the level of braindeath and danger you know... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I've been in the Deutschland for about 3 years now and I haven't seen anything but die Katolische und Wachturm leute... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 More: "I have a prayer request for our dear sister/brother ****." Translation: I have a huge, whopping piece of juicy information that I have been dying to tell someone, but it just wouldn't be Christian to blurt it out. That would have been me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I've been in the Deutschland for about 3 years now and I haven't seen anything but die Katolische und Wachturm leute... Well, I guess part of the reason why Gifhorn (where I live) is relatively fundified is that there are many "Russland-Deutsche" here, Germans whose families have lived in Russia for a long time. These, of course, have some "non-standard" religious views compared to your average German citizen. In other words: They are much more zealous. Easy pickings for fundie preachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest isis Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Here is a couple of classic slogans from my days of xtain concerts.. To be more accurate "Creation" a nasty little clumping to getting of xtains in Penn. Thousands and many of them very scary...I mean real scary. And the music is to make your ears die.. Creation is on Fire! what you screamed in a group (a couple of thousand) in order to wake up the people sleeping on the grass next to you during the outdooor service. or as a filler to get through those crappy..really crappy songs. I am a Jesus Freak A vain attemp of trying to be hip xtain. DC talk reference for all you poor people that also had to listien to their music. The stories I can tell.. ..shiver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 More: "I'm working on my walk with God." Translation: I read my Bible alot more and attend Wednesday night services. "I'm on fire for Jesus." Translation: They can't have a conversation anymore unless it revolves around God/Jesus, christianity or the Bible... and if you are hanging out with them, neither will you. "I have a prayer request for our dear sister/brother ****." Translation: I have a huge, whopping piece of juicy information that I have been dying to tell someone, but it just wouldn't be Christian to blurt it out. "The Lord has been revealing things to me!" Translation: I've been in extreme fasting, prayer and isolation for days, so I am starting to get loopy and hallucinate. "Looks like the end times are upon us." Translations: Some shit I don't like or understand has occured. "I need some time to be with the Lord." Translation: I don't want to date you. (OK, maybe that one was only common to the single's group I attended in the early '90's.) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That was definately the best thing I've read all day long. Absolutely true and hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 Here is a couple of classic slogans from my days of xtain concerts.. To be more accurate "Creation" a nasty little clumping to getting of xtains in Penn. Thousands and many of them very scary...I mean real scary. And the music is to make your ears die.. Creation is on Fire! what you screamed in a group (a couple of thousand) in order to wake up the people sleeping on the grass next to you during the outdooor service. or as a filler to get through those crappy..really crappy songs. I am a Jesus Freak A vain attemp of trying to be hip xtain. DC talk reference for all you poor people that also had to listien to their music. The stories I can tell.. ..shiver <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I know exactly what you're talking about. I remember listening to Jesus Freak by DC Talk about 10 years ago. For a moment, it was cool to be a christian. Please do tell more stories. I enjoy stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I remember the youth pastor pumping kids for information on parents, siblings and friends very subtly. Then play HS Psychic with tongues at the prayer calls. it was honestly scary until we figured out how he got the information. Too bad I was still too young and affraid at the time to say anything. Wow this still really pisses me off PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I'm not perfect, just forgiven... Be patient, god isn't finished with me yet... Warning, in the event of the rapture, this vehicle will be an unguided missle... Hate the sin, love the sinner... Blah, blah, blah.. All bullshit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathWorship Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 "Get right, or get left" translation: subscribe to our cult insanity or be shunned by GOD (i.e. the xians that is, in essence, they are god) "You could die when you leave this service, do you know your eternal fate?" translation: BE AFRAID, BE VERY FUCKING AFRAID! these are the only 2 i can think of that haven't been stated already.. i heard them constantly in the church i attended.. also, anything negative pertaining to homosexuality, i think our pastor had some gay issues he had to work out, cus he was VEHEMENTLY anti-homosexual. EDIT: i forgot this little gem... "We are living out the last days of humanity, we are living in the END TIMES!" translation: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BE AFRAID! i mean come on, we have been living in the "end times" for how many hundreds of years now??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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