You Know You're An Ex-c When...

[Antlerman]

83. You know you're an ex-christian when you understand that these are all the same:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMG this is funny!

 

Yes, of the three options I choose number 2. Considering we and the monkey are biological cousins, this should be the closest god to who we are since we create god in our image.

 

You have to wonder if Pug is really here to become one of the True ExChristians ™ himself?

[Antlerman]

Hey now...if we would have taken a different evolutionary path, our God Almighty would have looked like the picture below. After all, we create God in our own image.

Actually, I'll bet even money this is what God looks like. If we are to consider our source, God, then what would you expect? A white European male? God would be a primate, like us. Hail Bobo, the chimp. Praise his name.

[Ramen666]

83. You know you're an ex-christian when you understand that these are all the same:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMG this is funny!

 

Yes, of the three options I choose number 2. Considering we and the monkey are biological cousins, this should be the closest god to who we are since we create god in our image.

 

You have to wonder if Pug is really here to become one of the True ExChristians himself?

 

 

Antlerman I think for Pug, after all his prayers not answered, after all the reason, I feel for some reason it has begun...

[Open_Minded]

You have to wonder if Pug is really here to become one of the True ExChristians ™ himself?

Antlerman I think for Pug, after all his prayers not answered, after all the reason, I feel for some reason it has begun...

OHHHHH...... NOW I GET IT....... THAT'S WHY PUG STARTED THIS THREAD.......

 

Pug's subconsciously looking for "signs". He's afraid he's becoming Ex-C and he wants indicators from all of you......

 

And here we are waiting for indicator #100.....

 

Any - suggestions.....?????

[ShackledNoMore]

What? Still waiting on 100? Well onward and beyond!

 

100) You stop making excuses for the atrocities of Christendom.

 

101) You realize you feel good about not believing in pink unicorns when the entire world around you does.

 

102) You enjoy pointing out apologetic bullshit presented in the lion's den.

[Taphophilia]

People just like to identify with their god, for instance:

 

Black Jesus

 

Indian Jesus

 

Gay Jesus

 

Bisexual Jesus

 

Bodybuilder Jesus

[Amethyst]

103. You recognize the similarity between the following two photos and see the humor in it:

[Amethyst]

104. You realize how ironic it is that a human would worship a monkey god to begin with, and then you realize the irony is lost on fundies because they think evolution is EEEEEvil. Oh well, their loss.

 

105. You are able to finally feel *good* about yourself for not living a lie and feeling like you have to pretend to believe in something you don't in order to be accepted.

[pug]

However I see the tables really have turned on this thread and backfired on Pug. So I like this thread now it gets quite amusing.

 

666, For what it's worth - did you not read the subtext? It's a thread to comfort yourself and others like you. At first i thought it'll be ignored like the plague. But, halleluyah, it's going well. I had to kickstart it with my own nonsensical list of course - or i'll lose my reputation of disgusting jerk, masochist and other sweet honourable titles.

 

I will think it has backfired if nobody had anything heartfelt to add to it. To me this thread is just a bit of fun, but i think it will do much for you to explore your creativity (and anger if you have any left over). Not being patronising ok? Well, now seing you have so much time on your hands especially on Sundays, knock yerself out mate.

 

Hansolo, that monkey god you've posted is Hanuman the Hindu version, mine is the chinese version. Doesn't matter - got your point. Hanuman is not so popular here but it is in Southern India - the Hindu elephant god is revered here by Malaysian Hindus tho. You can read about the Chinese monkey god here:

http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/chinese...MONKEY&ds=N

and 1.2 million other links here:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=na...nese+monkey+god

 

OP, i have learned a lot. And sorry for the contradiction - you yourself also refer to yourself as a heretic - maybe i should follow you now as i have done so many no-weh stuff... better to be a heretic than being a fundy true xtian - so much more less complicated.

[Ouroboros]

Hansolo, that monkey god you've posted is Hanuman the Hindu version, mine is the chinese version. Doesn't matter - got your point.

Did I post that? I think you mixed us up. But hey, that's okay. I believe in elephants too, and monkeys, Oreo cookies, pancakes, pasta and miracle whip, but not all mixed together at the same time. They don't blend together too well...

[pug]

woah! woah!

 

pug - if you've got this far in the post - I think you're OK.

 

I don't agree with you, but I do like you. Don't let this abuse get you down. It's the lion's den and the cats are feeding

 

regards

 

Stew

 

Yo Stew,

 

Well, some nut has gotta shovel the shite right?

[Taphophilia]

I've never heard of her, but that is hurl inducing. There was though this woman that came to speak to our college age singles group back in the early '90's who was saying that Jesus fullfilled ALL her needs, he even gave her the big O when she needed it. I wonder how long one has to speak in tongues to get off? It kind of naueated me and I never could hear the phrase, "be intimate with god" in the same way again. I also had a friend who used to go on "dates" with Jesus- literal out to dinner, shopping...etc. She did this because she was in love with the singles pastor, who also went on "dates" with Jesus- even though he was against homosexuality. I guess it is OK to engage in homo-ghostiality or hetero-ghostiality, depending on your gender.

 

Dating Jesus? Yeah, okaaaay!

 

You missed Amy Marie! Here's one of her posts, check out her sig.

 

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?s=&a...st&p=218048

[pug]

This one just makes my brain hurt. This tells me you're angry that we team up on you. Well, guess what? That's what this website is for. It's a support network for ex-Christians. But that does not mean we self-appoint to be defenders of all ex-Christians.

Mr. T, there are so many "denominations" in ex-c my brain hurts too trying to keep track of who said what. There were lots of threats of "where is pug now... nyah, nyah" and i was not refering to your

Some non-Ex-Cs (as you put it) were never Christian to begin with. They could be atheist. So why would we wait for responses from people we agree with?

i do not wish to name names, it'll only add value to their

ego-maniacal masturbating

 

Of course i realise i have much to learn. So does every body. Are you telling me you have nothing left to learn?

[pug]

84. You can't help but laugh people actually believe in a God that is a monkey.

 

666, I dare you to fly to South India and laugh at the people there praying to their monkey god instead of sniggering to yourself comfortably sitting in front of your monitor. You'll be torn from limb to limb. You have 24 hours to consider. It's 14:02 24 Jan 2007.

 

Kindly confine your humour to Christianity.

 

For instance, do you dare laugh at Mythra's 27 years of suffering and fear after leaving the faith? A little different eh?

 

106. You are at last endowed with the amazing ability to laugh at any and all religions because you'll be protected in view of the fact that you may or may not be an ex-c, atheist or whatever, and safe in the knowledge that you can bash at will but failing which you can scream and blame the other nut started it first and he deserved to be treated that way. And because you have many buddies doing the same deeds, you know that the same nut will never be able to keep track of who said what. Woo hoo so liberating it is!

 

107. You can hide under the all-time rule of "DON'T GENERALISE".

 

108. You can re-gurgitate what others have said and be smug about it not knowing that other residents are cringing but are too polite to tell you publicly.

[Casey]

Hansolo, that monkey god you've posted is Hanuman the Hindu version, mine is the chinese version. Doesn't matter - got your point. Hanuman is not so popular here but it is in Southern India - the Hindu elephant god is revered here by Malaysian Hindus tho. You can read about the Chinese monkey god here:

http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/chinese...MONKEY&ds=N

and 1.2 million other links here:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?sourceid=na...nese+monkey+god

(Chinese version)

This was MONKEY. He was high-spirited, egotistical and full of mischievous pranks. He was soon having a wonderful time as King of the Apes. But a niggling worry began to gnaw at him — one which would change his life. The Monkey King feared Death.

 

To find immortality, MONKEY became the disciple of Father Subodhi, a rather dour DAOist sage. The sage, unimpressed with his simian tricks, gave the Monkey King a new title: 'Disciple Aware of Emptiness'. MONKEY was very pleased with this epithet, not realising it referred to the vacuum in his head.

 

But after much haggling, Father Subodhi uttered the words of Illumination, explained the process of Cloud-Flying — and also revealed the secret of the Seventy-Two Transformations. Which, thought MONKEY, was extremely good value for money.

 

Returning home to his monkey subjects, he discovered they were under seige by a fearsome monster. Magic tricks were no good — what he needed was a weapon. So he whizzed off to the Dragon King AO-KUANG and cajoled his way into the Treasury. There he found the great Magic Wishing Staff, a huge rod of black iron which Heaven had used to flatten the bed of the Milky Way. It weighed 13,000 pounds but could expand to fill the Universe or shrink to the size of a needle. MONKEY was delighted with this Weapon of Mass Destruction and used it to bludgeon many a demon thereafter.

 

It wasn't long before reports of MONKEY's tricks started to reach the austere ears of the JADE-EMPEROR. First the DRAGON-KINGS complained of rudeness and theft. Then YEN-LO-WANG, the God of Death, lodged a formal protest. "That intolerable ape has just vandalised my filing system and made monkeys immortal. What are you going to do about it?"

 

Not wishing to shed needless karma, the JADE-EMPEROR invited MONKEY to Heaven and gave him a job. Without pay, of course. This plan to keep the peace was amazingly successful for an entire day. Then MONKEY discovered that his post as Keeper of the Heavenly Stables was so lowly, even the horse manure ranked higher than him.

 

Insulted beyond belief, MONKEY ran amok, burst into the JADE-EMPEROR's court and dared to threaten his august person. The Ruler of the Universe sighed, consulted his advisors and bestowed a new title upon him: Great Sage, Equal Of Heaven. "That's much better," said MONKEY, impressed.

 

But by his very nature the Great Sage was irrepressibly naughty. He just couldn't help it. He gobbled up LAO-ZI's Longevity Pills, stuffed his face with the precious Peaches of Immortality, gatecrashed official parties and made insulting gestures to all and sundry. Finally he left Heaven in disgust, claiming it wasn't good enough for him.

 

Now the JADE-EMPEROR finally lost his esteemed cool. He sent the Heavenly army to obliterate MONKEY once and for all. Nothing could withstand this mighty force... But the Great Stone Ape — immortal, spiritually illumined and filled with Heavenly essences — was not only indestructable but also pretty handy in a fight. The forces of Heaven made an embarrassing display and slunk off in defeat. There was nothing for it — the Ruler of Heaven called for BUDDHA.

 

Now BUDDHA, in his infinite wisdom, knew better than to subdue MONKEY by force. Instead he offered him a wager. "If you're so clever, jump off the palm of my hand. If you can do that, I'll take the Emperor in as a lodger and give Heaven to you. But if you can't, I'll expect a full apology and penance."

 

The Monkey King laughed to himself. He could travel thousands of miles in a single leap. The bet was on. BUDDHA stretched out his hand and MONKEY jumped...

 

Several thousand miles later, the Great Sage landed in a desolate plain with great columns reaching up the sky. "These must be the Five Pillars of Wisdom at the end of the Universe", he thought. "That BUDDHA is just plain stupid to make such a silly bet." And, to show his disrespect, he pissed all over the nearest pillar and jumped back to claim his reward.

 

"Is the Emperor packing his bags yet?" asked MONKEY as he landed. The Holy One raised a sublime eyebrow. "I don't know why you're grinning," he said, "you've been on my palm the whole time. Look." An astonished MONKEY rubbed his eyes and stared at the five familiar-looking pink pillars of BUDDHA's hand. Then he smelt the stench of monkey pee and trembled. The next thing he knew, he was lying on the ground with a mountain on top of him.

 

And there he stayed for five hundred long years, being fed molten copper and iron pills by an attendent demon while the moss grew in his ears. By the time GUAN-YIN came along, the Great Sage Equal of Heaven was a thoroughly humble creature.

 

As told in Journey To The West, GUAN-YIN enlisted MONKEY as chief disciple of the young Buddhist monk TRIPITAKA. Together with SANDY and PIGSY, he protected the boy on his quest to India, battling demons and righting wrongs along the way. His natural monkey trickery now had a holy purpose which he unleashed with much enthusiasm — and his uncontrollable ego was kept firmly in place by a little device of GUAN-YIN's devising: a head-band made of gold.

 

The unsuspecting Great Sage was not prepared for the terrible torture of the Headache Sutra! Whenever MONKEY misbehaved, TRIPITAKA recited the Sutra and the golden fillet squeezed until his very eyeballs felt like bursting. Try as he might, he could not remove it. There was no defense except submission, and pretty soon MONKEY was the most humble disciple the world has ever known. Usually.

 

After many many many many adventures, the travellers fulfilled their quest. MONKEY was rewarded for all his efforts with the title 'Buddha Victorious Against Disaster' and finally made his peace with Heaven. We don't know what the Great Sage gets up to nowadays, but presumably he keeps himself occupied.

Charming story.

 

Hindu version

 

Lord Hanuman and Lord Shani (Saturn)

 

In the Hindu faith, Hanuman and Vinayaka are two aspects of God not afflicted by Shani. There is also a belief that all the planets are under the control of Hanuman's tail. Whoever worships Hanuman is granted with fortitude and strength.

 

In the Ramayana, Hanuman is said to have rescued Shani, that is, the planet Saturn, from the clutches of Ravana. In gratitude, Shani promised Hanuman that those who prayed to him (Hanuman) would be rescued from the painful effects of Saturn, which in Hindu astrology, is said to produce malefic effects on one's life when one is afflicted 'negatively' with Saturn.

 

Another version of the encounter between Lord Hanuman and Shani Bhagavan is that the latter once climbed on to Lord Hanuman's shoulder, implying that he (Hanuman) was coming under the effects of the influence of Shani. At this, Hanuman assumed a large size, and Shani was caught painfully between Hanuman's shoulders and the ceiling of the room they were in. As the pain was unbearable, Shani requested Hanuman to release him, promising that if a person prayed to Hanuman, he (Shani) would moderate the malefic effects of his influence on that person; following this, Hanuman released Shani.

 

There is a spiritual interpretation of the relation between Lord Hanuman and Lord Shani. The former is said to be a symbol of selflessness, while the latter is symbolic of ego and pride. Thus, to counter the karma borne out of selfish action, one must be humble like Lord Hanuman. This is particularly true for those who are said to be experiencing the evil effects of Sade Sati - a period of about seven and half years when Saturn (Lord Shani) is supposed to afflict the sign in which 'planet' moon is placed in the natal chart of a person.

 

Alternatively, it is also considered that one who prays to Vishnu is protected from Saturn as he is said by some to be a great devotee of Vishnu.

 

Beliefs about Hanuman

 

He symbolises the pinnacle of bhakti, and Hindus consider him to be the eleventh Rudra avatar of Lord Shiva. He is more well-known as the (spiritual) Son of Vayu deva, the Hindu deity of the wind.

 

Hanuman is the epitome of wisdom, brahmacharya, bhakti (devotion/faith), valour, righteousness and strength. His indispensable role in reuniting Rama with Sita is likened by some[attribution needed]to that of a teacher helping an individual soul realise the divine.

 

There is no blessing that he cannot bestow—according to the Hanuman Chalisa, Sita granted him the power to bestow the eight siddhis and nine types of wealth on others. However, the greatest boon one can ask of Hanuman is the uplifting spiritual qualities that he himself is known for.

 

He is easily reachable — just by chanting the name 'Ram'. Conversely, it is also held that the easiest way to attain Lord Rama is to worship Hanuman — verse 33 of the Hanuman Chalisa begins, "Tumharae bhajan Ram ko paavae", which means "by singing hymns about You, we reach Rama".

 

Doesn't seem like there's any great difference between the two; they are two slightly different Jokers in the cosmic pack. So, what's the big deal about worshipping either one, and what's the difference between worshipping Hanuman or Jesus Christ?

Casey

[godlessgrrl]

You know you're an Ex-C when:

 

109. You're not afraid of Yahweh anymore.

 

110. You're seriously considering drawing an X-rated comic book version of the Song of Solomon.

[pug]

Doesn't seem like there's any great difference between the two

Casey, of course, to an arrogant Westerner from Down Under who has never travelled to the East there's no or any difference. Tell that to a Hindu or Buddhist right here in Malaysia and stand back and see the explosion. Same thing as telling a Mormon his understanding of Christianity is no different from a Roman Catholic's.

 

Why it even kinda makes no great difference to say:

So, what's the big deal about worshipping either one, and what's the difference between worshipping Hanuman or Jesus Christ?

 

Almost every body would say that, you just beat them to it.

 

I posted the links, as advised by nivek, to save space, you need not post the entire story here.

[Casey]

Doesn't seem like there's any great difference between the two

Casey, of course, to an arrogant Westerner from Down Under who has never travelled to the East there's no or any difference. Tell that to a Hindu or Buddhist right here in Malaysia and stand back and see the explosion. Same thing as telling a Mormon his understanding of Christianity is no different from a Roman Catholic's.

 

Why it even kinda makes no great difference to say:

So, what's the big deal about worshipping either one, and what's the difference between worshipping Hanuman or Jesus Christ?

Almost every body would say that, you just beat them to it.

 

I posted the links, as advised by nivek, to save space, you need not post the entire story here.

 

Rather like the difference between RCs and Protestants in this country when I was growing up I suppose, except that violent arguments were the exception and not the rule, unlike perhaps in some places like Northern Ireland.

 

It seems to me that if you believe in any god at all you will tend to see all kinds of miracles simply because you believe in them. All religions and religious beliefs to me are in the same class as political parties; one may observe the same thing there too. Try telling a fanatical Labor supporter in this country that the leader of the Party is nothing more than a Socialist idiot, for example.

 

I apologise for the quotes, you are right on that.

Casey

[pug]

Hey Casey,

 

Apologies accepted.

 

It's this cursed brain we have i guess. We are fanatically what we believe. And no *&@#$% bugger better tell me any different. Especially when it comes to politics and religion.

 

A little tolerance, lots of understanding go a long way to a peaceful world. Amen.

[Casey]

If the whole of Malaysia became christian, rather than buddhist, hindu, or animistic, what difference would it make? Only one so far as I can see and that would be that there would be only one prevalent superstition in the country. Superstition is superstition. , it would just be standardised, that's all.

Casey

[pug]

If the whole of Malaysia became christian, rather than buddhist, hindu, or animistic, what difference would it make? Only one so far as I can see and that would be that there would be only one prevalent superstition in the country. Superstition is superstition. , it would just be standardised, that's all.

Casey

 

ok ok cool

[pug]

111. You are convinced without a shadow of a doubt... it's open season on Christians.

 

Robert M. Ficke (rficke@runet.edu) wrote: "I was really offended when in the Homerpalooza episode, Bart asked Homer what religion he was and he said: 'The one with all those well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life...Christianity.' If they said something like this about Islam or Buddism [sic]they would be flamed and a controversy started, but I guess it's open season on Christians.

 

The full article is here: http://www.snpp.com/other/papers/gb.paper.html

[narcissist]

Great thread.

 

Oops, almost forgot:

 

112. You just don't care what christians think about you any more.

[Open_Minded]

111. You are convinced without a shadow of a doubt... it's open season on Christians.

OOOPS..... Wrong thread Pug - you should have posted this in the "You know you're a fundy thread....

 

113. You know that Christians, non-Christians, Heretics, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Wiccans, Atheists, Agnostics, etc...... they're all just people trying to figure it out. No one is going to fry in hell for eternity because you know there is no hell - except maybe the one we create in our own little minds.

 

114. You know that there are no "right" or "true" answers, and that the only "wrong" or "false" answers are those that cause violence and harm to humanity or to the world we live in.

[NotBlinded]

Hail Bobo, the chimp. Praise his name.

Ahhhh...Bobo's. They have lots and lots of fun!